A bloke on his way home from work in London comes to a dead halt in traffic on the Strand, and thinks to himself, wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's moving.

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks:

"Officer, what's the hold up?"
The officer replies: "It's a Spurs fan, he's just so depressed about losing to Arsenal again, and the prospect of winning
f**k all after mouthing off all last summer & autumn. He's threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and his Arsenal workmates are all laughing. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really?" says the bloke, "how much have you collected so far?"

"So far," replies the policeman "Only about three hundred litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning."