Irish Girls

**SurfDemon** · Jun 5th, 2001, 09:49 AM

Okay folks, this joke might need some translation.

Dublin is split by the river Liffey into North and south. Northsiders are regarded by Southsiders as being poor, thick etc. (Out of interest Northsiders consider Southsiders to be limp wristed poofs, but that's not relevant).

So, you can pretty much Translate most of these lines into Blondes or Essex Girls.

1. What's the difference between Northside Girl and
Northside Man?
Northside Girls have higher sperm counts.

2. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
Bosco? (Bosco was a glove puppet on Television)
You can only get one hand up Bosco.

3. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you take your
meat out of it.

4. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a condom?
You only use a condom once.

5. What's the difference between getting piles and
breaking off an engagement with a Northside Girl?
When the piles clear up you get your ring back.

6. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
Lionel Ritchie?
Lionel Ritchie doesn't bleach his moustache.

7. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a fish and chip shop?
You can't get crabs in a fish and chip shop.

8. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a plate of spaghetti?
A plate of spaghetti moves when you eat it.

9. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a supermarket trolley?
A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

10. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a washing machine?
You can dump your load in a washing machine and it
won't follow you around for a week.

11. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
The Titanic?
Fewer people went down on the Titanic.

12. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a carpenter?
A Northside Girl has longer nails.

13. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a German Shepherd dog?
Lip gloss.

14. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
TnaG? (TnaG is the irish language t.v. station)
Only 40% of IRELAND can pick up TnaG.

15. What's the difference between a Northside Girl and
a Club 18-30 holiday?
On the Club 18-30 holiday there's only a 98%
chance of sex.

Cheers,

SD

**chrisjk** · Jun 5th, 2001, 02:51 PM

Why is it the south of somewhere always considers the north to be lower class? Take Britain for example.

TB: "There is no North/Divide"
Me and everyone else with at least IQ of 10: "Yeah, right mate"

**SurfDemon** · Jun 5th, 2001, 03:13 PM

Interesting point. Even in Canada we all call the northerners Eskimos.

Of course, this is actually true, so maybe it isn't much of an example

SD

**barrk** · Jun 5th, 2001, 04:17 PM

Just the opposite in the US. Southerners are the ones that people have the most fun laughing at around here! Must have something to do with those funny appendages on Texas, Florida and Louisiana.

**CiberTHuG** · Jun 5th, 2001, 04:26 PM

Panhandles?

Yeah, we Southerners get dumped on in the States. I guess it's 'cause we still run shine.

**barrk** · Jun 5th, 2001, 04:56 PM

Nah, Travis...that's your only saving virtue!

**CiberTHuG** · Jun 5th, 2001, 04:59 PM

I was hoping it was our AntiFederalist (Democrat), Pro-Gun (Republican) stance.

**barrk** · Jun 5th, 2001, 05:01 PM

No it's your tolerance, open-mindedness and environmental concern that really wins us over!

**CiberTHuG** · Jun 5th, 2001, 05:07 PM

Well, our intolerance will die off with the generations. We are just slower, being older and very into family.

As to the close-mindedness, well... that is a direct result of being in the Bible Belt, and I, being agnostic, take no responsibility for that. I would be more than happy to drop the religous trousers, as it were.

We are actually very concerned about the environment (being agri-based), we just aren't terribly active in global matters. We don't have any oil or forests. We do replant trees here, but we do that so we can keep hunting the deer. When we usually get up in arms about environmental problems it is because some hog farm is dumping waste, or Virginia is wanting to borrow water because they fouled the Cheasapeke. Very local issues.

**barrk** · Jun 5th, 2001, 05:12 PM

Fair enough, Travis.....just messing with you....don't mean no offense no how.

Jethro · Jun 5th, 2001, 05:14 PM

Originally posted by barrk
No it's your tolerance, open-mindedness and environmental concern that really wins us over!

Of course being from Sydney we considered everyone else to be dense and beneath contempt. Our major saving grace is we aren't parochial.

Actually we just think that about Queenslanders, their a bit slow above the border and haven't got the joke yet.

**plenderj** · Sep 6th, 2001, 05:49 AM

The reason we usually call northsiders knackers and skumbags is because most of them are.

**HarryW** · Sep 6th, 2001, 06:14 AM

TB: "There is no North/Divide"
Me and everyone else with at least IQ of 10: "Yeah, right mate"

Northerners agree with him then

**Jim Brown** · Sep 6th, 2001, 06:30 AM

Originally posted by SurfDemon
Interesting point. Even in Canada we all call the northerners Eskimos.
SD

I thought 'Eskimo' was very non-PC term nowadays. Aren't the Inuits or something now?

So then whom do Lapplanders insult?

Wait, I know- they go right over the North Pole and end up.... you guessed it..... in Oz!

**FATBOYPEE** · Sep 6th, 2001, 08:33 AM

The reason we usually call northsiders knackers and skumbags is because most of them are.

Hmmmm,

Northsiders are to Dubliner's what Dubliner's are to the rest of Ireland.

**plenderj** · Sep 6th, 2001, 08:39 AM

Touché

**SurfDemon** · Sep 6th, 2001, 08:53 AM

Originally posted by Jim Brown

So then whom do Lapplanders insult?

Lapland - I thought that was a strip club!

**CiberTHuG** · Sep 6th, 2001, 12:28 PM

I need to stay away from the aluminum.

There is a movie that I saw in the early 90s about a bunch of Dubliners trying to make a band. I can't think of the movie, so I can't give this quote from the movie. It was funny, but oh well.

**barrk** · Sep 6th, 2001, 12:30 PM

The Commitments? or something similar?????

**CiberTHuG** · Sep 6th, 2001, 12:37 PM

I was thinking "The Contenders" or "The Contempraries", but no, it was "The Commitments".

IMDB has only this:

The Irish are the blacks of Europe. Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. North Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin.

But there was more to it. It ended in "I'm black, and I'm proud."

**CiberTHuG** · Sep 6th, 2001, 12:48 PM

http://u1.netgate.net/~kirby34/quotes/commit.htm

Proof that if you kick a search engine long enough....

**plenderj** · Sep 7th, 2001, 12:24 AM

Originally posted by CiberTHuG
http://u1.netgate.net/~kirby34/quotes/commit.htm

Proof that if you kick a search engine long enough....

WaHay ! I'm from the south side btw

**FATBOYPEE** · Sep 7th, 2001, 02:24 AM

I thought I read something about Commitments II ?

Not sure if Roddy Doyle will be writing the book first or not...

Pee

**plenderj** · Sep 7th, 2001, 02:41 AM

I've never been in a blonde, but I've been in a 747...

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