Anyone read 'The Bible Code' ?

[Jim Brown]

I got given a copy of 'The Bible Code' recently. Author's name is Drosnin or summat I think.

Haven't finished it yet, but this is scary stuff, to think that all these assassinations and wars and stuff are in the bible all along- with names and dates and places. (Well as long as it's the original Dead Sea Scroll version and you can read Hebrew.) (And you need some serious computing power.) (And the statistical knowhow of course.)

The Apocolypse didn't happen in 2000 which was one of the options, and if my memory serves me, 2006 is a better statistical bet for the End according to these guys.

Now, no fighting you guys, let's keep this a clean thread. (Fat chance of that.....)

Hey- anyone read my jokes about the white horse and the guys in the desert? (Oh no, advertising again.)

[Gary.Lowe]

So what about the horse and the guys?

[THEROB]

Yeah - I read it - a bit weird - Can't really say I belive everything in the book - yeah there definatly is a code in the bible - but weather it contians information on the future can never be proven. As the author says - it can just contain every possible outcome - I would love to see the computer that generated the Bible!!!!!!!!

Rob

[beachbum]

Hi Acroman, Come on!!! the bear joke was miles better than both of urs!! The trifle one was passable but the horse one is older than adam

[Jim Brown]

A guy runs into a pub, asks barman (BM in AcroSpeak) if he can use the toilet because he's been taking salts. BM says sure and guy rushes off to the bogs. About half an hour later the BM goes looking for him, and there's sh*t all over the room- the ceilings, basins you name it. Asks the guy "What kind of salts have you been taking...." Guy answers, "Somersalts"

All together now.... Groooooaaan

Hey and don't talk about Adam here, that kind of Speak belongs over in the evolution thread!

[InvisibleDuncan]

I spotted this book in our local Waterstone's and decided it looked like a great big heaving pile of wobbly ones.

Was I wrong?

[beachbum]

A guy goes into a bar and asks for a glass of beer (notice the thoughtful internalization effort!).. the barman gives it to him.. he drinks it all in one go and then proceeds to wee (more internationalization) on the bar stool. The barman starts yelling at him telling him he is a dirty pig, filthy, disgusting etc. And the guys says... omg i am sooo sorry. this has never happened before. I am sooo sorry... oh god i am so embarrassed. Please dont throw me out.

The barman is still a bit angry but thinks oh well this guy made one little mistake so he lets him stay. The guy orders another beer, drinks it down and again (!) proceeds to liquidly sign his name on the bar stool. The barman is absolutely livid this time yelling and cussing at him. The guy is sooooo shocked at what he has done... i am sooo sorry ... i dont know why this happened... i am just so embarrassed.. omg i cant believe it. Pls let me stay. But the barman has had enough and throws him out...

Weeks later the guy comes back to the same bar (noone knew that was gonna happen eh?) goes in and orders a beer. The barman looks at him for a bit then remembers... hold on ur that guy that drinks the beer, wees all over the bar and then says sorry over and over... u arent drinking in this bar.... The guy pleads with him .Please let me have a beer... its all ok now.. i have been to see a psychiatrist and i am cured..

So, the barman gives him a beer. The guy drinks it all in one go and then voila starts to wee all over the bar stool again. The barman cant believe his eyes.... what the hell he says.. u told me you were cured "I am"said the guy, "I'm not embarrassed any more"

Damn that was a long joke to be so lame... ok oldie
A guy goes to see a psychiatrist dressed only in see thru cling / food wrap and the psychiatrist says "i can clearly see ur nuts" aargghhh ok i am stopping this torture now

PS whats this about a book?

[Jim Brown]

Were you wrong: I'm not sure, because I don't know what you mean! (ie a great big heaving pile of wobbly ones. )


The author's a journo, an invesigative one to boot, but the maths & stats behind it seems valid according to what he says. The main guy behind the stats seems to have the credentials, and they say that the original article in a peer-review stats journal has never been rebutted from the maths point of view. They took it to a 3-level peer review before publishing the original article just to be sure: this is apparently an un-commonly severe review.

They've tested the stats on not just the Hebrew bible, but used I think War 'n Peace and a whole bunch of computer generated texts as controls and found nothing significant in the controls. The confidence levels of the stats are 0.00002 or something.

But who knows?

I wonder if they search for beachbum and barrk and invisibleduncan and so on, if they find they cross at the only occurence of VBForum in the Bible.

By the way and occurence of a word or phrase doesn't mean that exactly, it means an occurence with skips, like JxxIxxMxxBxxRxxOxxWxxN or VxxxxBxxxxFxxxxOxxxxRxxxxUxxxxM but I dunno how to spell my name in Hebrew!

[Jim Brown]

Well 3 pieces of string go into a bar and one goes up to order. BarLady (or should we be PC and say BarPerson) refuses to serve on grounds that don't serve pieces of string for goodness sake. So it goes back to table and the 2nd piece says "Don't worry, I'll get 'em". But Alas, needless to say, same result and now they're getting really thirsty.

So.

The 3rd piece of string loops itself into a bowline or a granny or whatever, and roughens and loosens the strands on the ends of the string. Approaches barlady, who says "Oi- aren't you a piece of string? Gerroutofit!" String says "No, I'm afraid not"

[beachbum]

Beachbum = Beelzebub in Hebrew???

Anyway, am not sure if same ppl but i remember seeing a doc about this thing years ago.. coding the bible. It reminded me so much of the idiotic crap that gets wheeled out every few years about Nostradamus. And as for the level of accuracy they were sort of thissing and thatting (they are real words!!!) and would pull bits from here and move them there and blah blah blah... dont know what all the fuss is about a piece of fiction tho.

[beachbum]

Acroman, this post is gonna have to be renamed the lamest and oldest jokes of all time

[Jim Brown]

Good Point Beezlebub. Can one change a thread's name?

[InvisibleDuncan]

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says: "Why the long face?"

[InvisibleDuncan]

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks up and says "Is this some kind of joke?"

Cracks me up every time.

[beachbum]

A wildebeeste walks into a bar and buys a schooner of new

[beachbum]

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light blub?

[beachbum]

Prior apologies

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?



















What the **** is it to ya!!!!

[Jim Brown]

We continue...

Just in from Africa, where poachers went on the rampage and wiped out the last herd of Wildebeest.

That's the end of the news. Good Night.