A joke about programmers.

A programmer fell in a lake and drownded to death. There was a rescue boat nearby but they didn't know what was going on because the programmer kept on shouting "F1 F1 F1 F1"

Anyone else got any good programmer jokes?

[Mark Sreeves]

Anyone else got any good programmer jokes?

this implies that you had a good programmer joke!

you didn't think it was funny?

[Bob Baddeley]

go here--> http://www.coe.montana.edu/ee/info/jokes.htm

and prepare to laugh for a few days afterwards. Seriously (well, as serious as jokes get). GO HERE. Don't doubt my word.

bob

[da_silvy]

my 300th post!!!

yeah!!!!
oh well, i'm going to go to bed, i have to be up for school at 6:00AM, but where i am it is 11:13 PM

[SteveCRM]

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, its a hardware program!

http://www.jokepost.com they have a whole section on computer jokes


Why are computers like air conditioners...every time you open windows they break.

[Fox]

*lol*

yeah, I heared there are really people like that out there... or even people who wants to insert the second install disc.. works, then the third.. works not because only 2 discs find place in a floppy

Have you guys heaed of someone putting white out on the screen??

nope, I have not heard of putting white out on the moniter, but megatron, I am sure it'll come off with some acetone...

How about this:

Someone calls in to a computer assistance center and say "My computer keeps saying "cannot find printer" I even tilted the monitor so it faced the printer and nothing happened.

[Sam Finch]

I heard about someone ringing up and saying that their drinks holder was broken

[Sam Finch]

oh, and a mate of mine's dad put his keyboard through the dishwasher.

That reminds me: There was a Coca Cola program that had a similar thing like that. They said, for christmas, they'll provide us with a free drink holder and when you press the button, the CD-ROM opens.

[Sam Finch]

lol. I might program that and send it to a couple of people.

Here's a joke but in a way it's true.

Any asy way to get people to know your program is to send it to a warez site. That way you get FREE advertising.

[Juan Carlos Rey]

A friend of mine, giving phone advice on Unix:
My Fiend: Write "Root"
Customer "It gives me an error"
-Are you sure? Try again - "ROOT"
-No way, "error"
-How do you spell "Root"
-Man, the way it is, "Ruth"!

Some books never published

Ethiopia's guide to world domination
Easy Unix.

And i'll get to you guys on some more

[da_silvy]

i know of someone who didn't want to use his computer because everything he typed was in capitals,






he had caps lock on

This sounds more like a true story than a joke

[Sam Finch]

What's E.T. Short for?






























He's Got small legs. (I love that joke)

Questions...with no answers
============================

What do you add to get instant water?

What do you put at the top of a box of cotton?

If corn oil comes from corn, where dos baby oil come from?

If peanut butter cookies are make from peanut butter, what are girl guide cookies made out of?

Why do we turn down the radio when looking for an address?

those questions can be answered, well some of them..
baby oil comes from mineral oil and fragrance..
and I would put cotton on a box of cotton, hehe...
and I seriously have no idea why we turn down our radio when we are looking for an adress... its not like the house is gonna go
"hey its me, look 4565 n. south road street, over here"

and about the instant water..
add 2 moles of H2(hydrogen) and 1 mole O2(oxygen)
sorry for getting so "technical" like I told you before, I am a science geek

Those were meant for being funny. Maybe I should have worded the title differently.

[da_silvy]

it doesn't really matter

[Sam Finch]

There was a story in the Big Issue about a guy who actually went out into the desert and sold Instant water, just little plastic bags but the natives didn't want open them until the drought season because they cost £100 each.

yeah I know they were meant for being funny
I was just being kind of a smart ass....
if butterspray* is made of butter, than what is hairspray made of?

* incase you dont know, butterspray is something like pam, its a cooking spray

I'm not good at science, what's a "mole" Is it short for molecule?

[Sam Finch]

a mole is a certain number of particles, I can't remember how many, I think a mole of hydrogen weighs a gram and a mole of oxygen weighs 16g (oxygen is 16 times as heavy as hydrogen)

but how could that help you get instant water. Don't you have to put it in a cynthisizer?

[Sam Finch]

nah, you just need a match, hydrogen burns quite well if there's enough oxygen.

[noone]

A mole is a unit of measure, kinda like a dozen.
A dozen eggs = 12 eggs
A mole of eggs = 6.02 * 10^23 eggs

The difference is that a mole is an increbly large number, its useful for talking about atoms because they are so incredibly small.

Sam-> So I could just go out and buy a clump of hydrogen and oxygen, and all I need to do is burn it to get water?

[Juan Carlos Rey]

A mole is a quantity of an element equivalent, in grams, to its atomic weight. It is the abbreviature of Molecule-Gramm. Is very convenient to study combination of elements, because they tend to combine to each other it exact number of mols.

It is true that hydrogen (from Greek HYDRO = Water and GEN = to Generate) produces water when it combines with oxygen, but it is VERY dangerous. NEVER TRY!

[Edited by Juan Carlos Rey on 05-07-2000 at 06:36 PM]

buy a clump of hydrogen, and buy a clump of oxygen?
hehehe, I hope you know they are both gas, unless it is extremely cold....
and a mole is 6.02 x 10^23

[Sam Finch]

christ 6.02x10^23, that just brought back a whole load of memories of chemistry lessons I'd prefer to forget.

if they were anything like mine, then i would not want to remember them either...
last week the teacher was boiling some alcohol, and cought the science lab on fire.
a week earlier he lit off a baloon full of hydrogen....
yep, he's an idiot, and he tried to tell the class that a mol was 6.02 x 10 ^ 26, but since I an a geek, I read chemistry books. and I corrected him....

oh well I am a geek....

oh and once, when my sci. teacher was trying to show us what plasma(gas with charged pos. and neg. ions) looks like, using a tesla coil, and a tube of mercury gas....
well the idiot shocks himself and breaks the tube with the gas... we have to evacuate the room.......
he is so stupid....

I just used the work "clump" for a expression/slang.

[Sam Finch]

Dennis, I'd have loved it if my chemistry lessons were full of explosions and danger, we just had some git standing at the front waffling on about half equations and occasionally we'd do an experiment, usually getting a clear liquid mixing it with a white powder and magicly getting a clear liquid that smelt different. Fun.

well now that I think about it, my class is pretty cool
but flaming alcohol on your backpack is not good....
the teacher cought both of his hands on fire, and a couple backbacks on fire. hehehe....
me and a few other kids almost lost all our homework....