A thread in the other direction...

[crptcblade]

The Insult thread!!

Let's keep it as general as possible (not targetting a single person)

Let'em fly :


May you get in a car accident, and remain conscious as your loved ones die around you


I hope you can do better than I can...

[CiberTHuG]

Nothing original, but...

Terry Pratchet (?) "may your testicles take wing and fly away"

[parksie]

You are a shallow, affected, self-conscious fribble.

[denniswrenn]

Your Mother is a hamster, and your Father smells of elderberries, and I fart in your general direction.

[parksie]

Classic, has to be in there

[kedaman]

I got you in my brainwave matrix

[parksie]

Noooooooo! Not the brainwave matrix

[Sastraxi]

Happy birthday. I hope you live to see many more year(s).

It's true, got it in the mail from a real estate agent.

[Matthew Gates]

[parksie]

LOL

[scoutt]

good one Matthew,

your mother is soooooo fat that when she broke her leg gravy poured out

[chenko]

You mother is so fat, that when she sat around the house, she sat *around* the house!

[scoutt]

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

[©¿©¬]

You loathsome heap of festering hippo vomit.
You stupid crate of seething buzzard barf.
You sticky sack of musty expectorant.
You driveling contribution of foul nose pickings.
You brainless accumulation of grisly carp guts.


http://www.jumpingarmadillo.com/AutoInsult/download.htm

[Bonker Gudd]

What are you going to do for a Head when the Whale wants it's testicle back?

[Gaffer]

You godamn ****ing **** **** ***er ******** ***** ***** **** **** little toad

[parksie]

Easy now

And for the traditional insults:

I sh*t on the balls of your dead ones.

[RSINGH]

These have been shamelessly lifted off a financial bb(!!)

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she dances she makes the band skip.

Yo Mama's So Fat....she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Yo Mama's So Fat....her butt has its own congressman.

Yo Mama's So Fat....her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts

Yo Mama's So Fat....her driver's license says "Picture
continued on other side."

Yo Mama's So Fat....the back of her neck looks like a pack of
hot dogs.

Yo Mama's So Fat....all the restaurants in town have signs that
say "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama".

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she ran away, they had to use all four
sides of the milk carton.

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go
down.

Yo Mama's So Fat....she was born with a silver shovel in her
mouth.

Yo Mama's So Fat....she's got smaller fat women orbiting around
her.

Yo Mama's So Fat....I had to take a train and two buses just to
get on her good side.

Yo Mama's So Fat....they had to grease a door frame and hold a
cake on the other side to get her through.

Yo Mama's So Fat....her nickname is "DAAAMN!!"

Yo Mama's So Fat....she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

Yo Mama's So Fat....she's on BOTH sides of the family.

Yo Mama's So Fat....she could sell shade.

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she crosses the street, cars look out
for her.

Yo Mama's So Fat....people jog around her for exercise.

Yo Mama's So Fat....her blood type is Ragu.

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't
get a menu,she gets an estimate.

Yo Mama's So Fat....if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to
take his word for it!

Yo Mama's So Fat....she has to put her belt on with a
boomerang.

Yo Mama's So Fat....when she turns around, people throw her a
welcome back party.

Yo Mama's So Fat....she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Yo Mama's So Fat....she went to the movies and sat next to
everyone.

Yo Mama's So Fat....her belly button doesn't have lint, it has
sweaters.

Yo Mama's So Fat....she was walking down the street, I swerved
to miss her,and ran out of gas

-------------------------------------------------------------

The best was a flame on the ADVFN board addressed
to a Mister Ashley James. Best I've seen and it needs an attachment!!

[scoutt]

good ones....

Your Mama is so fat...

It took me two hours to download her picture off the 'net

She gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

When you get on top of her your ears pop

The only thing attracted to her is gravity

When she dances she makes the band skip

Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard

When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton

When she crosses the street, cars look out for her

Her beeper went off and people thought she was backing up

She can't stand on a basketball court for 3 seconds without getting called for a key violation

She was baptized in tartar sauce

When you hang up her picture the whole wall comes down

When she was a kid she could only play seek

When she runs, car alarms go off

It took five UFOs to abduct her

When I ask for Kool-Aid, she runs through the wall

She went swimming in the ocean and the Spanish claimed her as a new continent

She has to wear a sock on each toe

The police showed her a picture of her feet and she could not identify them

She broke the family tree

She's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

The only pictures they have of her are via satellite

She makes Free Willy look like a Tic Tac

She went to a liquor store and bought a 40 oz of gravy

Instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load

I shot the b**ch and Crisco came out

She eats pumpkin pies like Skittles

She sat in BigFoot and made it a lowrider

When I have sex with her I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in

When she wears corduroy pants the ridges flatten out

They had to change "One size fits all" to "One size fits everybody but yo mama"

She uses bowling balls for earrings

She stepped on my cat's tail and now I call him "Beaver"

She tried to get a tan and the sun burned out

All her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor

She fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!"

You can pinch an inch on her forehead

She gets her toenails painted at Earl Schieb's

Every time she eats at McDonald's, they have to go outside and double the number on the sign

When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down

She bungee jumped and brought down the bridge

She bungee jumped and went straight to hell

She has to put her belt on with a boomerang

She installed chairs in the refrigerator

When your family brings home groceries they need to hire a rodeo clown to distract her

She wore a Malcom X shirt and helicopters tried to land on her

She fell over and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up

The last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

She has to wear Levi 1002s

When she ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton

She couldn't star in Forrest Gump because she kept eating the box of chocolates

She auditioned for Indiana Jones and got the part of the big rolling ball

Her blood type is Ragu

She stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get the f*** off

[chrisjk]

Yo mama is so fat, when she went on a cruise holiday/vacation, they had to hire a cargo ship

Yo mama is so fat, she uses an aircraft hanger as a refrigerator

[Guv]

May all of your sons be sterile and may all of your daughters give birth to the offspring of syphilitic camels which are both poor and ugly.

The above is the only one I can remember in detail from a trip to Egypt many years ago.

There was another about pubic hair growing until it drags on the ground behind you and gets stepped on while you rush to do nefarious acts.

There was also one about all but two teeth rotting out from an agonizing gum disease and the two remaining should not meet.

[crptcblade]

You son of a motherless goat!

courtesy of "The Three Amigos"

[MidgetsBro]

You're so poor, you can't afford to pay attention!