Lol

[MartinLiss]

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

[moti barski]

you need to run very fast and start the kite of a high place

[NickThissen]

you need to run very fast and start the kite of a high place

BOOM, you just found a new chapter for your book: how to fly a kite. And in case you didn't get it: his post was a joke, he wasn't actually sharing with us that he doesn't know how to fly a kite

[Ram2Curious]

Magician

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat."
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

[wossname]

A software weenie spends his life making a living writing COBOL programs. Eventually he retires in the early 1990's, to a life of golf and relaxation.

Well, as the year 2000 approaches, anxiety skyrockets over so-called "Y2K" problems with date and time keeping routines. IT people start leaving phone messages to the effect that, "...we hear you know COBOL, and staring at the end of the millennium, we're concerned about our code..." The guy is pinged mercilessly until he agrees to return to work as a consultant. For the next few years, he travels around the country fixing COBOL Y2K problems.

In late 1999, he starts to feel some anxiety of his own. What if the "fixes" he implemented don't work? He decides the best thing to do is to have himself cryogenically preserved for a year, and then thawed out. By that time, he figures, all of the hooplah will be over, and even if he did screw something up, someone else will surely have taken care of it. So, off to cryogenic suspension he goes.

Needless to say, something goes wrong. (Perhaps the cryo-timer routines were written in pre-Y2K COBOL!) He wakes up in a strange room filled with strange people. "He's alive! We did it!" the strangers congratulate themselves. One guy finally approaches the man and says, "Welcome to the year 2999!"

The programmer is despondent. He is alone and everyone he has ever known or loved is dead. But the people from the future are quick to point out how great their life really is. "Nobody is ever sick, nobody ever goes hungry. We have robot companions, starships, teleporters, and holodecks.

"That's great," says the programmer. "But why did you bother to resurrect me?"

"Well, you see," answers one of the men from the future," the new millennium starts in a few months and your records show that you know COBOL..."

The above was taken from Jack Ganssle's TEM newsletter.

[FunkyDexter]

What do you say to a noisy kebab?

Shush Kebab.

[abhijit]

2999 won't be a problem, but 9999 will be.

[wossname]

That's not what the joke was about.

[Ram2Curious]

"Well, you see," answers one of the men from the future," the new millennium starts in a few months and your records show that you know COBOL..."

Back to cryogenic suspension...... LOL

[Hack]

That's not what the joke was about.

I applaud your continued, yet unrewarded, attempts to cast pearls before swine.

[wossname]

Someone has to make the effort. These jokes aren't going to laugh at themselves.