Join me as I wallow in the gutter...

[ricmitch_uk]

Originally posted by Jethro
Some one hit Ric with a four by two. Clearly he is too bright for humour at the moment. Parksie l think its our god given right to drag him into the gutter

Repeat after me Ric

"I will post disgusting, funny, and totally unhelpful posts through out the site"

Feel better?

Yes master....
"I will post disgusting, funny, and totally unhelpful posts through out the site"

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: The science of categorizing sh*t has been thouroughly investigated and developed over the year by our sh*t specialists. Some said you are what you sh*t. This saying is true because the kind of food you eat really does affect the nature of your sh*t and your ****ting habits. The following is the breakdown types of ****s.

Ghost Sh*t -- That's the kind where you feel the sh*t come out, have sh*t on the toilet paper, but there is no sh*t in the toilet.
Clean Sh*t -- The kind where you sh*t it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Sh*t -- The kind where you wipe your but 50 times and it still feels unwiped. So you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with brown stain.
Second Wave Sh*t -- It happens when you're done ****ting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to sh*t some more.
Brain-Hemorrhage Through-Your-Nose-**** or the Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead Sh*t -- The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.
Richard Simmons Sh*t -- The kind where you sh*t so much that you lose 30 pounds.
Corn Sh*t -- Self-explanatory.
Lincoln Log Sh*t -- The kind of sh*t that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush.
Drinker's Sh*t -- That is the kind of sh*t that you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the treadmarks left on the bottom of the toilet.
"Gee, I Wish I Could Sh*t" Sh*t -- It's the kind where you want to sh*t, but all you do is sit on the toilet cramped and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Sh*t -- That's the kind where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Sh*t or the Power Dump -- That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that you butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
Liquid Sh*t -- That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time chronically burning your tender anus.
Mexican Food Sh*t -- A class all its own!

You DID say funny, disgusting, and totally unhelpful...

[ricmitch_uk]

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. Now Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old!!" He said, "You must have been quite a kid".

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night!" Then the clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand" I said, "I had planned to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show off. When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married!!" The Judge said, "Me too". Then I told him that after I was married that Sex had left me. He said "Me too". Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 O'clock in the morning. I said looking for Sex. My case comes up Monday........

[ricmitch_uk]

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and
appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like
nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than
jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others
the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll
see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them this (the
big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd
boy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"

"Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) I said (pointing to
small circle) this is your ******* before prison.....

[ricmitch_uk]

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

" Hi, is Dennis home?"

" No, he went to the store."

"Well, you mind if I wait?"

" No, come in."

They sit down and the friend says "You know Katie, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."

Katie thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."

Katie thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.

A while later Dennis arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over. "

Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

[ricmitch_uk]

Top 10 sexually tilted lines from Star Wars:
1. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts kid.

2. Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough.

3. Look at the size of that thing!

4. Sorry about the mess...

5. You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!

6. Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper.

7. You've got something jammed in here real good.

8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed.

9. Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?

10. Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!



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Top 10 Sexually tilted lines from the Empire Strikes Back
1. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

2. Possible he came through the south entrance.

3. I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that huh kid.

4. Hurry up, Golden-rod!

5. That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual for a while.

6. But now we must eat. Come, good food, Come...

7. Control, control. You must learn control!

8. There's an awful lot of moisture in here.

9. Size matters not, judge me by my size do you?

10. I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.



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Top 10 sexually tiltes lines from Return of the Jedi
1. Rise, my friend.

2. Open the back door.

3. Hey, point that thing somewhere else.

4. Its just a dead animal.

5. Not bad for a little furball.

6. Come here, I won't hurt you. You want something to eat.

7. How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're coming.

8. Keep on that one, I'll take these two.

9. I want you to take her. I mean it, take her.

10. I don't think the Empire had wookies in mind when they made her Chewie.

[ricmitch_uk]

How true...

[ricmitch_uk]

Reasons why sheep are better than women

• Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth
  You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear
  Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather
  Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease
  Nuttin' beats mutton
  Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel
  Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early
  Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down
  Sheep never ask about you former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them
  No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe
  Sheep are never concerened about their reputation
  Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up
  Sheep won't ask if you're gay the first time you can't get it up for the second time
  Sheep never insist on eating out
  You'll never catch your sheep masturbating to a picture of Mel Gibson
  Sheep don't get suspicious if you have to work late
  Sheep don't smell like tuna fish
  Sheep don't get moody once a month
  You can eat a lamb chop without getting wool stuck in your teeth
  A sheep doesn't expect you to support her for the rest of her life after one roll in the hay
  A sheep never wears curlers and a mud pack to bed
  A sheep doesn't stop screwing after the honeymoon
  A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car
  A sheep won't think that a weekend stay-over entitles her to rearrange your furniture and put up new curtains
  A sheep won't expect you to pay...and pay...and pay...and pay
  A sheep will never complain about the spittoon in your pickup
  A sheep will never throw out your old copies of Playboy
  A sheep won't care of you keep your fish bait in the refrigerator
  A sheep won't get even with you by spending your paycheck on new clothes, none of which are see-through or meant to be worn in the bedroom
  A sheep will never sue you for palimony
  A sheep won't care if you screw her sister
  A sheep won't care if your secretary is better looking than she is
  A sheep will never tell you the ceiling needs to be painted while you're screwing
  A sheep won't use you razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can
  Sheep never have a headache
  A sheep won't give your favorite hunting shirt to Goodwill
  A sheep won't leave wet nylons hanging all over the bathroom
  A sheep will never ask you to stop on the way home from work and pick up a box of tampons
  Sheep grow their own fur coats
  A sheep will never leave a vibrator on the living room couch when you're having friends over to watch football
  Sheep won't cheat on you with your best friend
  A sheep will never ask if you'll still respect her in the morning
  Sheep aren't into talking before or after sex
  A sheep never yells at you for leaving the lid up
  A sheep won't send you out for batteries for her vibrator
  A sheep doesn't think it's demeaning or kinky to do it doggy style
  A sheep won't mind if you put up mirrors in the bedroom
  Sheep are "ram tough"
  A sheep won't think your cheap and tacky if you: send daisies instead of long-stemmed red roses, tip less than 20%, wear levis with a hole in the seat, open beer bottles with your teeth
  Sheep don't mind if you leave the lights on
  Sheep don't mind doing it in the morning
  Sheep don't mind doing it in a pickup truck
  A sheep will never use the excuse that: she just did her nails, it's too hot, it's too cold, you'll wake the kids, you'll wake the neighbors, she's too drunk to enjoy it, she's not drunk enough to enjoy it
  A sheep will never leave you for a cucumber

Just for Jethro...

[ricmitch_uk]

The Canoncial List of Sorority Girl Jokes

What does a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.

What is the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.
You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
You can't fit a sorority girl inside a bowling ball.
How are a sorority girl and a bowling ball alike?
You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they always come back for more.

What is the difference between sorority girls and hookers ?
Sorority girls cost less per score.

What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
About 40 lbs.
How do you equalize the two?
Feed the elephant.

What's the first thing a sorority girl does in the morning?
Walks home.

What's the difference between a sorority girl and the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

How can you tell if a sorority girl has achieved orgasm?
She drops her nail file.

What's a sorority girl's favorite wine?
"Daaadddy, I want to go to mi-ammmmi."

What do you get when you cross a sorority girl with an ape?
Don't know. There is only so much an ape can be forced to do...

Why is a sorority girl like a door knob?
'Cause everyone gets a turn.

How do you get a sorority girl in your bed?
Grease her hips so she'll fit through the door and throw a twinkie on the bed.

Did you hear about the new sorority girl doll?
You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand.

A sorority girl was hitch-hiking along an empty desert highway. After five or six cars had passed her without even slowing down, she decided she really wanted out of there. She decided upon the quickest way to get someone's gang. The gang spotted her, and acted quickly. They dragged her off into a side canyon and gang-dressed her.

What's the difference between sorority girls and garbage?
Garbage gets taken out once a week.

What do you call 100 sorority girls sun-bathing on a beach in Cuba?
Bay of Pigs.

What do you call a sorority girl hang-glider festival?
Multiple total eclipses.

What is a sorority girl's mating call...
"I'm soooo drunk, I'm sooooo drunk!"

What is the difference between a sorority girl and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.

What do you get when cross a lawyer with a sorority girl?
Nothing.
There are some things a sorority girl won't do.
I don't know, but it sure enjoys screwing people.
I don't know, but when it sucks your cock, it does't stop until it gets blood.

[ricmitch_uk]

Well? Have I proved myself?

[Gaffer]

You are truely filthy. Bt have a way to go to achieve true mulletdom....

[Jethro]

Originally posted by Gaffer
You are truely filthy. Bt have a way to go to achieve true mulletdom....

Now all we have to do is get him going on innocently posted threads. My god have we created a monster

[parksie]

He was born that way - he just needed "reeducation"

[Jethro]

Am starting to think those re-education camps were a great idea. Now for the next one l suggest we enrol a gaagle of blond eighteen year old nymphos.

[parksie]

They don't need reeducation They're fine as they are

[ricmitch_uk]

They won't be by the time I've finished with them

[parksie]

[ricmitch_uk]

Originally posted by Jethro


Now all we have to do is get him going on innocently posted threads. My god have we created a monster

There we go. I've made my contirbution to the this is art thread and now the Post Race...