SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy

[Sastraxi]

I think this is the most hilarious thing ever...

You answered V. I tell you what my friend, V IS a roman numeral, so despite your best efforts, you answered corrently. And you wagered, Suck it, Trebek!

What's your fav. one?

[Jeff_1]

My favorite one was with john travolta and how he couldnt answer the question about asia.. ( even though the answer was being blared at him and he still couldnt get it )

[spetnik]

How about "The Pen Is Mightier"?

[spetnik]

Buck Futter!!!

[CiberTHuG]

[Sean Connery] Alex, I'll take Swords for a thousand.
[Alex Trebeck] That's not "swords", it's "s words" as in words beginning with the letter "s".

In general I find the Sean Connery ones funny. Not a big fan of the Burt Reynolds ones for some reason. Though I've only seen a few Celeberity Jeapardies (and probably the same ones over again).

[CiberTHuG]

Sorry, bored.


[Trebek durning final jeopardy] You have answered... what appears the be the outline of your hand. And you wagered? The rest of your hand.

[Cander]

Final Jeopardy:

Your favorite food. You can even lie.

[I think it was Travolta]
Your answer: Meso. A type of soup.
Your wager: Horny.


LOL

[CiberTHuG]

This is a fan script.

CELEBRITY JEOPARDY

Will Ferrell...Alex Trebek
Maya Rudolph...Natalie Portman
Jimmy Fallon...Mike Myers
Chris Parnell...David Copperfield

ALEX: And we're back, here on Celebrity Jeopardy. If anyone is still watching, you have a high tolerance for pain. Let's have a look at the scores. In first place, with $0, is Natalie Portman.

NATALIE: Mr. Trebek, I attend Harvard. Therefore, I am better than each and every one of you. The only reason that I don't answer your silly questions correctly is because I CHOOSE not to.

TREBEK: Considering you're playing for a charity, that is awful. In second place, David Copperfield has negative $2700.

COPPERFIELD: Are you sure that's my score, or is it...illusion? (He chuckles, then waves his hands mysteriously in the air)

TREBEK: And in last place, with a score approaching the national debt, is Mike Myers. Mr. Myers, how do you explain yourself?

MYERS: Hey, I was distracted by Natalie Portman's babe-aliciousness (Makes growling sound in her direction).

TREBEK: May I remind you, Mr. Myers, that you are a married man. Anyway, the categories for Double Jeopardy are...

- Potent Potables
- Bubbles (every answer in this category is 'bubbles')
- Characters Played By Mike Myers
- Things Heavier Than One Ounce
- Multi-Cellular Organisms
- Cartoons
- Things You Wear On Your Face To Help You See Better

Miss Portman, you are the least terrible, so you get to go first.

NATALIE: Naturally. I will select...Things You Wear On Your Face To Help You See Better.

TREBEK: And the answer is...'You wear these on your face to help you see better.' (Buzz) David Copperfield?

COPPERFIELD: In the world of illusion, nothing is as it seems. Your own eyes can deceive you. Ergo, the answer is...nothing. (wrong answer buzz)

TREBEK: Wrong. Does anyone else care to venture a guess? (Buzz) Miss Portman? You selected the category, do you know the answer?

NATALIE: No, I was just buzzing in to inform you that I, in fact, do not care to venture a guess.

TREBEK(while rubbing his temples): Let's move on. Mr. Myers, why don't you select something?

MYERS: All right then...I'll take 'multiple orgasms' for $300.

TREBEK: No, Mr. Myers, that's 'multi-cellular organisms.' (buzz) Mr.Copperfield, you have an answer?

COPPERFIELD: He's wrong, orgasms cost much more than $300.

TREBEK: He was wrong anyway, Mr. Copperfield, and nobody is interested in your private life.

COPPERFIELD: Oh, I believe that you all truly do care...your facade of bemusement is merely an ILLUSION (waves his arms mysteriously).

PORTMAN: Wait, wait, just a moment. Mr. Myers, since you were unable to read the category title, I guess you needed to wear something on your face to let you see better! HA HA HA! My lord...I'm smart, beautiful and funny.

MYERS: Wanna shag?

TREBEK: (shakes his head in disgust) Mr. Myers, why don't you choose again? I suggest the category based on yourself.

MYERS: Sure, sounds good. I'll take my category for 50 pounds.

TREBEK: It's in dollars, not pounds, Mr. Myers.

MYERS: Oh sorry, I'm Canadian.

TREBEK: So am I. In Canada, we also use dollars.

MYERS (in Austin Powers voice): Well, I'm British, baby! Yeah!

TREBEK: Whatever. The question for $100 is "This title character was played by Mike Myers in a sketch and a film called 'Wayne's World.'

(buzz)

TREBEK: Mr. Myers?

MYERS: I know this one...give me a second...who is...um...Garth? (wrong answer buzz)

TREBEK: No. (buzz) Mr. Myers, what is it?

MYERS: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you say 'title' character the first time. I know it now. Who is 'world?' (wrong answer buzz)

TREBEK: The answer is 'Wayne.' How you could not answer that question is be...David Copperfield, what in God's name are you doing?

(Copperfield has a sword stuck through his chest and blood is pouring from his chest).

COPPERFIELD: Oh, Mr. Trebek, you have once again fallen for...ILLUSION. I am not actually mortally wounded. In fact...hey, is it just me, or is the room spinning?

TREBEK: We may need a doctor for Mr. Copperfield, but Mr. Myers, you still have the board.

MYERS: I'll take 'Cartoons' for $400.

TREBEK: You've hit on an Video Daily Double.

MYERS (in Wayne voice): Excellent! Hey, wait a second, something's coming back to me. (buzzes) Who is Wayne?

TREBEK: We've already moved on, Mr. Myers. What is your wager for THIS question?

MYERS: Everything I have.

TREBEK: Your wager, then, is less than nothing. Here is your question, if you will turn your attention to the video screen.

(Cuts to a picture of Mike Myers in Austin Powers gear, with Ming Tea playing in the background)

AUSTIN: Yeah, baby! This cartoon character is orange, a comic strip character, has a dog friend named Odie and likes to eat Lasagna! He's one swinging cat, man!

(Austin starts dancing as Ming Tea plays along. Cut back to Trebek)

TREBEK: It appears there has been some sort of a mistake. That particular clue was meant to be used on another episode, but I guess we have no choice but to continue. Tell us the answer, Mr. Myers.

MYERS: Who is Marmaduke? (buzzer sounds)

TREBEK: No, the answer is Garfield. You might recall that from when we TOLD YOU THE ANSWER BEFOREHAND.

MYERS: Shyeah right! Are you sure it's not Marmaduke?

TREBEK: I hope that you never have children. We still have time for one more category, so let's just pick 'Bubbles.' Remember, all of the answers in this category are BUBBLES. The answer for $500 is "These are round, watery things that you blow." (buzz) Miss Portman?

NATALIE: Who is George Lucas? (wrong answer buzz)

TREBEK: That's disgusting. (buzz) Mr. Copperfield, if you say 'illusion' one more time, I will hit you.

COPPERFIELD: You cannot blow an illusion; an illusion is not controlled by the forces of nature, such as the wind. The thing that you blow is only a tornado...of...FIRE. (He starts to twirl around like he is in a tornado)(wrong answer buzz)

TREBEK: The correct answer, of course, was 'what are bubbles?' Time is now up in the second round, and it is now mercifully time for Final Jeopardy. The clue is...oh, why even bother? Instead of this clue, just tell us who
you want to win the game. Write down the name of any of the three of you. The most obvious answer, of course, is yourself, but any name is acceptable. As long as you write the name of a contestant, you cannot get this wrong.
Let's have a look at your answers. Miss Portman, you wrote...good lord, what is all this?

NATALIE: I decided to get started on my Valedictorian address. I'm basically a cinch to get it, since I am a film star after all.

TREBEK: I see. I didn't realize that 'Harvard' was spelled with four r's and a dollar sign instead of an 'h.' Did you wager anything?

NATALIE: Um, there's a number in here somewhere...I'm fairly certain that I mentioned my high I.Q.

TREBEK: While you search for it, I'll move onto Mr. Copperfield before he passes out from the loss of blood.

DAVID: I hope you all noticed that I did not pick up my pen: the answer wrote itself.

TREBEK: Your answer is..."Anybody but that ***** Claudia Schiffer." That's very mature, Mr. Copperfield.

DAVID: Don't blame me, it was the pen.

TREBEK: Whatever. And your wager..."Half Of What I Justly Earned." I am embarrassed for your family. Now, we move onto Mr. Myers.

MYERS(he pulls his shirt out with his fingertips): I'm as happy as a little girl!

TREBEK: Shut up. You wrote..."Alex Trebek." You think I deserve to win?

MYERS: Well, sure. You've put up with all of us for the entire show, so you deserve some recognition. You should be the winner.

TREBEK: Mr. Myers, that is very kind of you. You are a nicer man than I gave you credit for. Your wager is..."asphinctersayswhat." What? I don't understand.

MYERS: Are you sure? Read it again...'asphinctersayswhat.'

TREBEK: What?

NATALIE: Mr. Trebek, he's implying that you are a rectal cavity.

MYERS: Aw, I had him going!

TREBEK: That's all for this edition of Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm Alex Trebek, and I'm going home to put my head in the oven. Good night.



CollegeHomur.com has the SNL skits on RealMedia.

[Cander]

TREBEK: I hope that you never have children. We still have time for one more category, so let's just pick 'Bubbles.' Remember, all of the answers in this category are BUBBLES. The answer for $500 is "These are round, watery things that you blow." (buzz) Miss Portman?

NATALIE: Who is George Lucas? (wrong answer buzz)

TREBEK: That's disgusting. (buzz) Mr. Copperfield, if you say 'illusion' one more time, I will hit you

ROFLMAO



Man that funny

[spetnik]

hilarious, cyber

[CiberTHuG]

Originally posted by spetnik
hilarious, cyber

I didn't write it. I just found it on the web, attributed to Team Farrell. *shrug*

It is pretty funny.

[Technocrat]

I have almost all of them in real player format. When ever I fell like a laugh I watch. God some of them are funny as hell.

BUCK.....
FUTTER

BUCK FUTTER!!

[spetnik]

I have em on mp3. Where can I get on video (not streaming if possible)

[Technocrat]

I am sure you can find them on
LimeWire or oth.net

I have them on my FTP. Message me if you want to get them from there

[Jeff_1]

Food that ends with the word "amburger"

Colors that end with "urple"



Or the one where norm macdonald A.K.A. burt reynolds walks up to trebek wearing a giant sobrero!!! i never laughed so hard..

[Technocrat]

Not Burt, its Turd Ferguson

[CiberTHuG]

You knew it was coming.

from Weird Al Yankovic, "I Lost on Jeopardy"
I was there to match my intellect on national TV
Against a plumber, oh, and an architect, both with a PhD
I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right, -ight, -ight

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)

Well, I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
Oh, 'cause I got the Daily Double now
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm givin' up Don Pardo
Just tell me now what I didn't win, yeah, yeah

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)

That's right, Al--You lost. And let me tell you what you didn't win: a twenty colume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat. But that's not all. You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people. You brought shame and disgrace to your family name for generations to come. You don't get to come back tomorrow. You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game. You're a complete loser!

Don't know what I was thinkin' of
I guess I just wasn't too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on The Price Is Right, -ight, -ight

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby