Here is what you can do:
1. try to find record by excuting sql similar to this:
Code:
select * from Employees
where
Firstname = 'Mary'
and (Surname = 'Jonson' or Birthname = 'Swanson')
and Birthday = #08/16/1990#
2. if dataset contains at least one record always UPDATE it with all remaining values (don't compare them).
Code:
Update Employees
set
f1 = abc
f2 = 123
where
Firstname = 'Mary'
and (Surname = 'Jonson' or Birthname = 'Swanson')
and Birthday = #08/16/1990#
3 if record doesn't exist insert new.
Code:
insert into Employees
(Firstname, Surname, Birthname, Birthday, etc...)
values
(1, 2, 3, 4...)
NOTE: all sql statements are psuedo sql so modify each as necessary