Thank you techgnome and pcuser for your detailed and informative reports.

We have just received breaking news that BP has managed to contain the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, with the help of Apple's iPad. The solution came at the last minute from a young engineer at BP that came upon the idea after buying the new iPad that just went on sale in Britain.
After just a few hours he realized that Apple's products suck so much that they might just be the thing that can stop the oil gushing. The US military quickly confiscated all iPads and injected them into the well. Within minutes the devices created so much suction and managed to collect all the oil from the well effectively stopping the spill.
The news comes as a great relief to everyone. The US and European Parliament immediately started the process to put into law that all oil rigs have a mandatory supply of iPads as a safety measure.

Thank you for watching. Stay tuned for the weather report.