Now this is great news

[Jethro]

My sister just had her first kid. Mum and baby doing well.

Ok the kid's name is Daniel Paul Mackay They must have forgotten to mention Jethro in there.

Pete (Karen's husband), could tell us natural child birth, short labour, no complications.

But of course he lacked the expierance to be able to cover the CHick topics.....weight, and some things blokes don't want to know.

My wife is going to fly over to represent the family

Which means Robbie can stay at his friends place

Which means l have the house to myself

Which means Kim will organise the Mother in Law from hell to stay

[barrk]

Run, Jethro, run fast....there is nothing in the world worse than a mother-in-law from hell.....think up any excuse you can but save yourself while you can!!!!!!!!!!!!


Congrats on the nephew business btw.

[chrisjk]

This has done the rounds more than some cheap *****, but...

"Mother In Law" anagram of "Woman Hitler". Beautiful.

[SurfDemon]

Congratulations, thats excellent news.

Nephews are great fun. You can teach them to swear, pick their nose, spit, drink, smoke and you don't have to suffer any of the consequences.

I speak from experience here. I taught my niece to pick her nose in public and that the batteries from the telly remote fit into all her loud toys that the batteries mysteriously vanish from. I am trying to teach one of my other nieces that farting really is the funniest thing you can do in front of other people.


Congrats again!

SD

[Jethro]

Originally posted by barrk
Run, Jethro, run fast....there is nothing in the world worse than a mother-in-law from hell.....think up any excuse you can but save yourself while you can!!!!!!!!!!!!


Congrats on the nephew business btw.

SurfDemon

...............lol..........................

katie

You know the scene in Jurassic Park, where they are out in the Park and the TRex is approaching. The ground shaking etc, when the MOL arrives it's the same affect. Birds fly south, and native creatures flee like the wind. Gee great, another week of learning all about how my son should be Jewish already.

[barrk]

Tom and I pissed my MOL off so badly that she hasn't spoken to us since 1989! Imagine us wanting to live our own lives and raise our own children....we certainly do have a lot of nerve!

After years and years of marriage she still referred to me as "Tommy's little friend"

[Good Dreams]

Once (more than once) I thought about suicide, that the world was a living sh*t, etc

But...

Whenever a child borns, it's a new breath of hope.

[Jethro]

Originally posted by Good Dreams
Once (more than once) I thought about suicide, that the world was a living sh*t, etc

But...

Whenever a child borns, it's a new breath of hope.

We really are going to have to get you down to oz. Local thoughts on suicide....If there's a can of beer left unopened, then suicide is not an option to a bloke.

Tommy's little friend

.............lol.................

[Good Dreams]

Originally posted by Jethro
We really are going to have to get you down to oz.

Just out of portugal, it will be enough.

and "thought" it's in simple past

[Jethro]

Originally posted by Good Dreams

Just out of portugal, it will be enough.

and "thought" it's in simple past

Onya mate

Now can you help me convince kate and tom to visit while my MOL is complaining around the house. Anything that gets rid of the MOL is alright in my book.

Katie

Yeap Catholic as well, which really pisses off my MOL cause she is Jewish from the old country and blames me for her daughter not continuing in the faith Her daughter had already moved on to some Celtic stuff, her dads influence l'm betting, but you know the MOL. "That putz that mis-lead my <insert daughter/son here>. They break a mothers heart.".

Before l meet Kim, didn't even think people spoke like that.

[barrk]

My parents really like Tom in spite of everything.

I think they were about fed up with the hypocritical stance of the church long before they admitted it anyway. They haven't given up on God..just organized religion.


I always wanted to visit Australia!

[Beacon]

I come and stay!
I 'll start walking....

May i ask why the MOL is coming to stay cant you look after yourself?

TYhe did mention Jethro in then name!

DPM

Datacontrols Phuck Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jethro]

Beacon

More like l will be having fun with the lads, chicks cannot stand that.

katie

Come on over. Just imagine, Jethro, Beacon, katie, and Tom at the SCG watching the Swans.

Beacon "Another beer Tom, must be my round"

Tom "Not at the moment, haven't finished the last one"

katie "Don't be a girl Tom"

Jethro "Onya katie, see ya do learn something from the net"

[Beacon]

*beacon ruturning from gettting the 3 supers of Coopers and 1 choc milk for tom*

beacon "Hey jethro you know the dockers are really good they just need to take that extra step.

Jethro "yeah"

katie "What dockers i bet they've got nice big muscles. Just like that number 5."

Tom "ooii"

Beacon " Actually the dockers are really crap. In fact... Gimme another beer and another and another taaahhhts biittterrr! Did someone say bitter? VB please!"

LA *On floor after 1 beer like most seppos* wakes up then falls back down mumbling something about Drama Queen!

[Jethro]

katie belts tom on the head

"Oh it's my round, what do you boys want"

"A couple of vbs each would hit the spot Tom. Best get a couple of wine coolers for the girls"

"Er Girls" states katie

"Yeah yourself and one to pour on LA" states Beacon

[Beacon]

*recieves beers and wine coolers*

*beacon poors beer all over LA. LA wakes up stating how the ppl in the delphi forums are sooo much better and how aussies are inbreds*

*jethro throws empty of course stubbie at LA cracks him in the head and he falls back down!*

*swannies kick another goal*

Katie states how "Jethro's a "sitter" and doesnt drink his beer fast enough"

*Jethro takes on challenge which sees him skulling his beer and toms wine cooler*

Thinks he sees Ian in the background sipping sherry!

Katie stands up and starts hooting for no reason

[Jethro]

Tom takes all his clothes off and runs onto the sacred pitch in an impromptu streak.

katie stops hooting, she was mistaken it's Alexander Downer.

Jehtro and Beacon beat up Alexander, and get another round of drinks.

Katie insanely demands tequilas as the fourth quarter starts.

[Beacon]

Alexander Downer while lying on the ground next to LA starts humping LA's leg?

LA inturn smashes the crap outta him. Then gets cheered before everyone realises he a seppo and a brawl starts!

Meanwhile tom has taken a mark 30 metres out on a tight angle!

Tequilas go down well with the black sambuca for a chaser which is chased by a B52. Katie went a bit over the top...

Jethro stands up and demands that ESSENDON SUCK ASS!! Beacon and crowd agree.

[barrk]

Hey, now! Lay off Tom! He could drink the both of you under the table without batting an eye!

[SurfDemon]

Originally posted by barrk
He could drink the both of you under the table without batting an eye!

Yeah! Kids do that to you!

Nobody here seems to get on with their in-laws. I must be weird (okay more weird) because My wife and I get on great with ours. She loves my parents (there really good to us) and I get on great with hers.

Infact it's a bit embaressing when we go to her house as no matter what time we arrive in she (Ali's mother) has a huge meal cooked that she expects me to eat.

Additionally, the Draft Guinness in cans is about twice as expensive as the Lager that her dad drinks, but he really loves it (Ali's mum just never buys it for him). When I arrive in she always pours me a nice cold Draft Guinness and then asks her husband (my father-in-law) if he would like a drink. Invariably he says "Yes, I'll have one of those Guinnesses" and she then proceeds to give him loads of sh*t about them being for me and he can stick to the lager.

We get on great despite that though as he sees me as a partner in crime who he can use as an excuse to go to the pub "to leave the girls to chat".


One of the pities about being in the other side of the world is that we only see them occasionally now. However they are coming out here in September (their first time out of Ireland apart from a short trip to Britain 30 years ago, and certainly their first time on an airplane!). We're really looking forward to it.

SD

[Jethro]

They went to Britian 30 years ago and that was their last trip? Have warned people against the effects of traveling to Pomgolia

Katie

It's a well know fact that you Americans can't drink more than a six pack, without keeling over. Hmmm.....Tom brews his own. Right grabbing Beacon and we are over, have our tea ready after we get back from the pub with Tom.

[SurfDemon]

Originally posted by Jethro
have our tea ready after we get back from the pub with Tom.

Somehow I imagine Katie will be down the pub too.

[barrk]

Be glad too! Do you want scones with that?

[barrk]

In all honesty...I'm a light-weight or as Tom puts it a cheap drunk!

[SurfDemon]

Yeah! Alison (my wife) used to be a good drinker (Vodka & white), but since the pregnancies (i.e. not drinking for 12 months ... 3 extra because of breast feeding) she can't get back up to speed again, and of course now she's pregnant again she's off the booze, so she's going to be a real cheap date after this

SD

[barrk]

Congrats, SD...another little Demon on the way....is the world ready for this????

[Jethro]

Originally posted by SurfDemon
Yeah! Alison (my wife) used to be a good drinker (Vodka & white), but since the pregnancies (i.e. not drinking for 12 months ... 3 extra because of breast feeding) she can't get back up to speed again, and of course now she's pregnant again she's off the booze, so she's going to be a real cheap date after this

SD

Can you just leave the woman alone SD

Ok we are on for the pub. Will also need SD and his Dad to round out the team. Don't worry katie will organise Kim, Ali, and various other girls to help you out. Damn, you want to be at the pub too, ok they probably have a ladies bar.

Fair dinkum, the club my Dad belongs too does not allow women in the main bar Jes, l mean any discussion of bosoms (calling that the first use of the word on this site) loses all relevance when you don't have exhibits. They didn't take it too kindly when l suggested that this policy displayed a latent homosexual tendency in their members

[Jethro]

Originally posted by barrk
Be glad too! Do you want scones with that?

Ok misunderstanding here.

In Oz

Tea = Dinner.

Naw don't need scones, just a roast dinner would be fine. Will send Ali, Pix and Kim over to help you out.

*Jethro finds first available trench and dives in*

[barrk]

You'd better duck Jethro! I thought you'd show us how to do BBQ properly, while us women watched!

[Jethro]

Originally posted by barrk
You'd better duck Jethro! I thought you'd show us how to do BBQ properly, while us women watched!

Ah, that's the next day, after we decide a few beers would help with the hang over Yeap can see it now, Tom, Beacon, SD, and myself around the BBQ, can of beer in hand...........

[Jethro]

*Jethro looks up from the trench at the wrong time and gets sconed with a saucepan. Damn, those seppos have good aim*

[barrk]

Beer should only be consumed in a bottle or a glass......canned beer is for red-necks.

[Jethro]

Originally posted by barrk
Beer should only be consumed in a bottle or a glass......canned beer is for red-necks.

And Aussies

[parksie]

And me

[chrisjk]

Stupid question, but why are they called Rednecks. I'm sure they don't actually have red necks...

[Jethro]

Originally posted by chrisjk
Stupid question, but why are they called Rednecks. I'm sure they don't actually have red necks...

Because GreenNecks would sound silly

Chris, is the guy you compile the project for happy! It seems you resolved his problem, but he isn't saying. Just wanted a compile right?

Rednecks, it's got something to do with working out doors or something. Once had it explained to me but have forgotten.

[chrisjk]

Originally posted by Jethro
Just wanted a compile right?

Looks like it. He's being cheeky and getting us paid up members of the VB community to compile his Learning Ed projects

[Beacon]

ok ok.
*beacon ROFLOL over statement of an American cooking a better BBQ than Aussies*

Good one katie!
We were only joking about the Tom thing no offence meant.

Nothing wrong with cans man recyclable wide mouth make easy to skull, can throw at mate and not hurt him, keep cooler than glass, fit perfect in eski and when drunk aluminium doesnt smash!

Guiness come in cans same with kil kenny!

VB comes in both stubbies and cans and those big 750ml ones(name??). Cascade comes in long necks same with coopers. Not much difference!

[SurfDemon]

Hey Sorry to spring the baby surprise on you, I thought I'd mentioned it before. The little demon is due at the end of July, which means I have another few months use of my "designated driver"

As for drinking out of cans, it's the only way to do it. Bottles are far too small (with the notable exception of Newcastle Brown Ale) and glasses are just too dangerous to give to us drunks.

Besides, Red-necks drink those little Canadian/American beers than come in coke can size cans. I'm talking big beefy 1 pint cans of British beers. When we say we had 20 cans of beer last night, we are talking 20 pints, not 20 little cans which equates to about 8 pints!

As for the term red-neck, I always thought it pertained to the farmers tan, you know, guys out working in the fields and getting the backs of their necks sun-burnt! I'm not sure if thats true or not.

SD

[Jethro]

Originally posted by SurfDemon
Hey Sorry to spring the baby surprise on you, I thought I'd mentioned it before. The little demon is due at the end of July, which means I have another few months use of my "designated driver"

As for drinking out of cans, it's the only way to do it. Bottles are far too small (with the notable exception of Newcastle Brown Ale) and glasses are just too dangerous to give to us drunks.

Besides, Red-necks drink those little Canadian/American beers than come in coke can size cans. I'm talking big beefy 1 pint cans of British beers. When we say we had 20 cans of beer last night, we are talking 20 pints, not 20 little cans which equates to about 8 pints!

As for the term red-neck, I always thought it pertained to the farmers tan, you know, guys out working in the fields and getting the backs of their necks sun-burnt! I'm not sure if thats true or not.

SD

Sounds about right.

Now settle SD, we all know you Brits can't drink

Down in Oz we have those coke size cans, cause the big ones get to hot in summer at the cricket. Mind you Tooheys, (in a revolutionary bid to increase beer consumption) increased the size of the hole you drink out of. (Must be a name for that but cannot think of it).

Oops got to start a thread for katie, is she here?????