His and Hers Perfect Day!

**chrismitchell** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 06:48 AM

THE PERFECT DAY
FOR HER
08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juiceand croissants; open
presents of expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
09:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of husband's / boyfriend's ex and notice that she has
gained 7 kg
13:00 Shopping with friends. Unlimited credit.
15:00 Nap
16:00 3 dozen red roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer
16:15 Light workout at club followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk
who says that he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive, designer wardrobe. Parade in front of
full length mirror
19:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners / dancers
22:00 Hot shower (alone)
22:50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, crisp, new white linen
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

FOR HIM
06:00 Alarm
06:15 Blow job
06:30 Massive, satisfying dump whilst reading the sports pages
07:00 Breakfast. Rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast - all cooked by
naked buxom wench
07:30 Limo arrives
07:45 Several whiskeys en-route to airport
09:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
09:30 Limo to St. Andrew' s golf club (blow job en-route)
09:45 Play front nine (2 under)
11:45 Lunch. Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
14:15 Limo back to airport (several whiskeys)
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew(all nude)
16:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lb) on light tackle.
17:00 Fly home. Massage and hand job by Elle McPherson
18:45 ****, shower and shave
19:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and porn
legalised
19:45 Dinner. Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953); big juicy fillet
steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
21:00 Napoleon brandy and Cohiba cigar in front of wall-sized TV showing
International Match of the Day.
Germany 0 : England 11.
22:45 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
23:30 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale
00:15 Night cap blow job
00:30 In bed alone
00:35 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room.

**Sam Finch** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 07:03 AM

Not a bad old day, but to make it perfect you'd probbly have to add a couple more blow jobs.

**chrismitchell** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 07:07 AM

good point... add the blowjobs while you eat!

**Jamagei** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 08:36 AM

eat what?

*dirty laugh*

**chrismitchell** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 08:51 AM

Originally posted by Jamagei
eat what?

*dirty laugh*

*joins the dirty laugh*

**HarryW** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:02 AM

*Snicker*

**Jamagei** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:07 AM

Ahh, Harry, you are online, i am presuming you are using Jon's computer so you don't have to set the modem on your computer (lazy git) now chris, harry is a bastard, he is the laziest skinniest runt i know.

**chrismitchell** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:07 AM

*Guffaw Guffaw Guffaw!!!!*

**chrismitchell** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:14 AM

I am sure that he is Jamagei.... But he lives near me! So to make sure he doesn't hunt me down, I won't insult him.

**Jamagei** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:20 AM

Hehe, that's ok, he is down here in yeovil for two weeks, he'll have forgotten by then

(he knows i don't mean it, and he takes the p*ss out of me often enough

)

**HarryW** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:28 AM

Laziest, yes. Skinniest, unfortunately not. One kebab too many methinks.

Oh yeah, Chris, Doesn't the kebab shop in Guildford suck ass? Here in Yeovil we have a damn fine kebab shop, which I shall be purchasing from tonight (yipeee)

**Jamagei** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:35 AM

haha, when harry says one kebab too many, he actually mean one of the big chunks of meat they carve the Donor kebab off too many *lol*

**Jamagei** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:40 AM

hehe, but that kebab house rules. and the one in guildford made me want to puke

**HarryW** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:46 AM

Mmm roasted elephant's leg.... giant pitta bread.... bucket of chilli sauce..... Mmmmm...

**Jamagei** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 09:55 AM

no onions....

**chrismitchell** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 10:02 AM

Yes the Kebab shop in Guildford (I will assume the one by the old Odeon - up past Mc Donalds), is a pile of old ****, but the Kebab Van down by Burger King is nice... They do a cracking Kebab Burger.... Nice after a night on the piss!

**Jamagei** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 10:12 AM

Kebab burger, diverse. now the kebab house in Yeovil, do a cracking half and quater pounder burger. but the best thing for the morning after, is a Sos and egg m^cmuffin. or make one at home

ain't that right?

**HarryW** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 10:27 AM

Aye indeed 'tis. I've never seen a kebab van by Burger King, where exactly is it usually, and when?

**chrismitchell** · Apr 3rd, 2001, 10:43 AM

Originally posted by HarryW
Aye indeed 'tis. I've never seen a kebab van by Burger King, where exactly is it usually, and when?

It is there every night... Just behind the Magnet Showroom opposite the Shell Petrol station.

**HarryW** · Apr 4th, 2001, 09:56 AM

Ohhh is that the Burger King over by B&Q? (Bellfields maybe?) I thought you meant the one in town. D'oh

**chrismitchell** · Apr 4th, 2001, 10:06 AM

yep the one by B&Q!

**Pix** · Apr 4th, 2001, 11:16 AM

Only two hours shopping?

**chrismitchell** · Apr 5th, 2001, 02:22 AM

Originally posted by Pix
Only two hours shopping?

This was only meant as a rough guide you can add and change things to what you think is funny... As Sam Finch said about having a couple more Blow Jobs...

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