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Thread: More of my spam! This time, it's relevant!

  1. #1

    Thread Starter
    Frenzied Member HarryW's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    I know you all love to read my spam, so being the nice guy that I obviously am, here's my spam of the day™

    With the effects of IR35 (and contract terminations in the contract market
    around the globe looming due to the increasing fall in economic conditions)
    now is the time for us to show the world just how much we care. It's just
    not right. Hundreds of contractors in your very own country are living at or
    just below the six-figure income level!

    As if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several
    weeks - possibly a whole year - as a result of termination of their
    contract.

    But now you can help!

    For about five hundred pounds a day - that's less than the cost of a large
    screen projection TV - you can help a contractor remain economically viable
    during his time of need.

    Five hundred pounds a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a
    contractor it could mean a holiday spent golfing in Florida or a
    Mediterranean cruise. For you, five hundred pounds is nothing more than a
    months rent or mortgage payments.

    But to a contractor, five hundred pounds a day will almost replace his pay.
    Your commitment of five hundred pounds a day will enable a contractor to buy
    that home entertainment centre, trade in the year-old Ferrari for a new TVR,
    or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

    "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?"

    Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the contractor
    you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, houses, and other
    investment holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get information
    on how he plans to invest any spare cash he doesn't manage to spend. Plus on
    signing up for this program, you will receive a photo of the contractor. Put
    the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

    "HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?"

    Your contractor will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to
    help in a time of need. Although the contractor won't know your name, he
    will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in
    case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.

    Simply fill out the form below:

    YES, I want to help! I would like to sponsor a redundant contractor. My
    preference is checked below:

    [ ] Team Leader***
    [ ] Systems Analyst**
    [ ] Development Specialist
    [ ] Systems Engineer*
    [ ] Operations Specialist
    [ ] Test Engineer
    [ ] I'll sponsor a contractor most in need. Please select one for me.

    * Higher cost
    ** Much higher cost
    *** Please call to ask for the cost of a specific team

    Please charge the account listed below 500 pounds per day for a Systems
    Analyst or Development Specialist for the next 3 months. Please send me a
    picture of the contractor I have sponsored.

    [ ] MasterCard
    [ ] Visa
    [ ] American Express
    [ ] Diner's Club

    Your Name: __________________________

    Telephone Number: __________________________

    Card Number: __________________________

    Exp Date: _________

    Signature: __________________________

    Mail completed form to any major contract agency or call 0800-TOOMUCH now to
    enrol by phone. (Children under 18 must have parental approval)

    Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the contractor they have
    sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited to,
    telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Keep in mind that the
    contractor you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his free time,
    thanks to your generous donations.

    Contributions are not tax-deductible.
    Harry.

    "From one thing, know ten thousand things."

  2. #2
    Hyperactive Member barrk's Avatar
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    Hehehe...LOL

  3. #3
    PowerPoster Arbiter's Avatar
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    Manchester
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    Nice, Harry!

    The contractors I work with loved that one.
    Gentile or Jew,
    O you who turn the wheel and look to windward,
    Consider Phlebas, who was once handsome and tall as you...

  4. #4
    Hyperactive Member barrk's Avatar
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    Sep 2000
    Location
    My own little world
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    274

    Totally irrelevant ..... still funny though!

    ACTUAL SIGNS POSTED BY BUSINESSES

    Sign on an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.

    Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day.

    On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the
    dog.

    On a Maternity Room Door: Push, Push, Push

    Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on
    fire and take appropriate action

    Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for,
    you've come to the right place.

    Scientist's Door: Gone Fission

    Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff.

    Podiatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels.

    Sign on Fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

    Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
    payment.

    Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.

    Hotel: Help! We need inn - experienced people.

    Butcher's Window: Pleased to meat you.

    Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman,and the 2nd one just
    left.

    Veterinarians Waiting Room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

    The Electric Company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
    However, if you don't, you will be.

    Beauty Shop: Dye now!

    Garbage Truck: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

    Computer Store: Out for a quick byte

    Diner Window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.

    Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

    Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat
    any place they want.

    Music Library: Bach in a minuet.

    Funeral Home: Drive carefully, we'll wait.

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