The March of the Goons

[zaza]

The time has come! The dreaded goons are on the march, and only extreme violence can halt their spread. It must be done now, before we reach the June of the Goon and mankind as we know it is overwhelmed with goonery. Arm yourselves, my friends. Goonometers at the ready. We must detect and destroy them.


There are already known goons on these forums. They include:

timeshifter: A deadly goon. Do not read threads in which he is known to have posted. Do not be lured into Private Messaging with him. He exhibits the classic form of fully-developed goonage and should not be approached or engaged in conversation. Do what you must. Destroy him with extreme prejudice.

kregg: Despite attempts to prove otherwise, including mis-information about the Lair of the Goons, this fellow is most definitely exhibiting symptoms of advanced goonage. Be merciful. Ensure his demise.

dclamp: Behind those vacant eyes lurks the mind of a vicious goon. Evidence is mounting that he has been responsible for several of the recent deluges of incoherent goonery to have afflicted the Forums, particularly involving "friends" and "videos on youtube". "Photos of him climbing on wires" are further evidence of his gooning around. The less said about that "gangsta thread" the better. Do not delay in the destruction of this fully-fledged padawan goon.

billgeek: It is obvious that this poor creature has been snared by the goons and led down the goony path. He deserves your pity. And retribution.

litlewiki: Possibly the most cunning of the lot, this insidious goon has attempted to weasel his way out from the sphere of influence of the other goons on this Forum and is attempting to ingratiate himself with the rest. Terminate on sight.




Further updates to follow, as and when other goons are identified. In the meantime, do not trust anybody.

[I_Love_My_Vans]

(__)

[timeshifter]

Hmm... remind me to watch out for that first guy... he sounds dangerous.

[Foxer]

That would depend on which dimension you mean.

[visualAd]

The March of the Goons

I have you know that it is now may.

[Foxer]

That would depend on which dimension you mean.

[mendhak]

It's...

GOON MENACE!!!!

[Andrew G]

CC would be very boring without Goons if we exterminated them all

[FunkyDexter]

Blue Goon
Dum Dum Dum Dum
You Saw Me Standing Alone
Dum Dum Dum Dum
...

[kregg]

Where's zaza on the list?

[kregg]

The only way to prevent yourself from being a goon:

[wossname]

Field Report. Sir, I have my advance troops forming an defensive perimeter around the Goon Hive HQ. Heavy artillery will be dug in by 2100 hours. Wo0t;

I doubt we will be able to withstand an all out-assault from our enemies but I suspect they will be reluctant to make this conflict public. Hopefully they will choose to remain clandestine for the time being (teh no0bs. roffle!!111!).

However, it will not be long until our comms are traced and we will have to switch to my Random Number Encryption system. In a cunning move I carefully detailed the workings of my algorithm on VBF a few months ago. It was soundly ridiculed by Wossname (curse him!!111! pwnt) as being irrevocably flawed and pathetic.

This is why they will never suspect us of using it. I pwn!!!1!11binarythreelollicopter

My Electronic Warfare Taskforce was able to crack this message as it was transmitted across a public telephone line by standing next to timeshifter while he said the words in plain (albeit goonified) English into the receiver. At one point I asked him to speak up a bit (the payphone booth was partially soundproofed), he gladly complied.

Using my elite traffic analysis skills (searching for "Sir" in the transcript), I surmise that timeshifter is the direct subordinate of Kregg, who is probably the real mastermind behind this Goon uprising.

I will personally be leading a covert reconnaisance operation to infiltrate the Hive and find out why they insist on spamming all the time.

Lt. Cmdr. Wossname. Going off-map in t-minus 37 minutes.

[timeshifter]

Bah.. if you honestly believe I am a subordinate to that fool kregg, you are sadly mistaken. Read the transmission again. I am clearly giving him precise orders about when and where to intercept your anti-goon rocket. So ha. Eat it.

[kregg]

Using my elite traffic analysis skills (searching for "Sir" in the transcript), I surmise that timeshifter is the direct subordinate of Kregg, who is probably the real mastermind behind this Goon uprising.

Bah.. if you honestly believe I am a subordinate to that fool (should say goon) kregg, you are sadly mistaken.

Well someone got a bit touchy

Overall, the only way to describe that post is: