Schtik: Shlomo

[grilkip]

Shlomo was talking to his friend Issy. “Issy, I’m nearly 40 years old. Do you think I should marry?”
“By all means get married,” replied Issy. “If you get a good a wife, you'll be happy. If you don't, you’ll become a philosopher -- and that’s a good thing for any man.”

[mendhak]

Why is his becoming a philosopher good for any man? Please explain the joke in detail to me, in a manner that kills its humor.

[grilkip]

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi," they said.

"How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"

The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

[mendhak]

Aah... hold on.

[grilkip]

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.
The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
"I am a Torah scholar." he replies.
"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live
in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"
The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

[rjv_rnjn]

But will God provide the children as well....
HAHA... killed it...

[hairball]

Why is his becoming a philosopher good for any man? Please explain the joke in detail to me, in a manner that kills its humor.

Being a philospher means you have lots of time to invent words of wisdom like why being a hermit is better than married life or vice versa. Then your words of wisdom become contents of chain letters that will not let people marry if they don't pass it on.

[Andrew G]

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a group of cows in a paddock, the wife sarcastically asked, "relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

[oceanebelle]

Roflmao

[eSPiYa]

[mendhak]

Being a philospher means you have lots of time to invent words of wisdom like why being a hermit is better than married life or vice versa. Then your words of wisdom become contents of chain letters that will not let people marry if they don't pass it on.

No, I don't believe that's it, since we're talking about a rabbi here and chain letters do not figure into the paradigm of their existences. If this joke were to mention becoming a programmer instead of a philosopher, the question would still stand, since, there is no profession which 'is a good thing for any man.'

[grilkip]

A Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house. The Rabbi came across a box he didn't recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone, it was personal. One day she was out and his curiosity got the best of him. He opened the box, and inside he found 3 eggs and $2000. When his wife came home, he admitted that he opened the box, and he asked her to explain the contents to him. She told him that every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the box.......... He interrupted, "In twenty years, only three bad sermons, that's not bad." His wife continued...... and every time I got a dozen eggs, I would sell them for $1."