News just in: Shock Report!

**wossname** · May 20th, 2004, 02:56 AM

Experts from Yale University released a startling report this morning.

The report gave their findings which amazed those that were reading it for the first time. Some people didn't understand it but those people were largely unaffected by the report anyway. People that did understand it but were not amazed are just being stubborn, and their opinion probably doesn't matter.

I read it, understood it and was amazed. Really truly amazed.

I urge you to get a copy and read it (preferably for the first time), try to understand it and see if you are amazed.

Chances are you will be amazed.

Wossname, Current Affairs correspondent for VBF

**plenderj** · May 20th, 2004, 03:06 AM

Originally posted by wossname
[B]Wossname, Current Affairs correspondent for VBF

Wossname, Deputy Assistant Current Affairs correspondent for VBF

**wossname** · May 20th, 2004, 03:08 AM

Sorry didn't realise there already was one. Can't be doing his job properly eh?

j/k

**Electroman** · May 20th, 2004, 07:00 AM

Arrhhh!!, I've clicked on every word in your post 10 times and I can't open any report

**visualAd** · May 20th, 2004, 07:45 AM

Originally posted by Electroman
Arrhhh!!, I've clicked on every word in your post 10 times and I can't open any report

Maybe it hasn't been released yet.

**mudfish** · May 20th, 2004, 07:51 AM

Originally posted by visualAd
Maybe it hasn't been released yet.

Then our Current Affairs correspondent for VBF should not tell us about it till we can read it all so!

**visualAd** · May 20th, 2004, 08:24 AM

Originally posted by mudfish

Then our Current Affairs correspondent for VBF should not tell us about it till we can read it all so!

It is common place. How often have you heard on the news:

"A report out tomorrow is expect to show...."

**Electroman** · May 20th, 2004, 09:05 AM

Posted by visualAd
It is common place. How often have you heard on the news:

"A report out tomorrow is expect to show...."

But they tell you when to expect it so you don't go opening up your TV trying to find the report.

**Acidic** · May 20th, 2004, 09:07 AM

but he did say. He said:

Experts from Yale University released a startling report this morning.

**Electroman** · May 20th, 2004, 09:10 AM

ahha so it is out already.

**Shaggy Hiker** · May 20th, 2004, 05:38 PM

And it's startlingly startling.

**wossname** · May 21st, 2004, 09:40 AM

An Ode to Adams: By Wossname.

One of the really truly amazing things about this shock report is its near-total unavailability. As with anything that is nearly totally unavailable, the extent to which it amazes people is directly proportional to the amount of difficulty encountered during appropriation of the object in question.

If you can understand that then the chances are you will be amazed and lucky to have seen the report. Which is both shocking and amazing.

Those that are easily amazed and / or shocked should don their peril sensitive sunglasses prior to opening the nearly totally unavailable report.

Those able to obtain both the report AND a pair of peril sensitive sunglasses - which are ALSO nearly totally unavailable - should be amazed at how fortunate life has been to them of late. Then read the report in the above prescribed manner. Not only is this recursive, but it is unhelpful, too.

PS. Since the peril sensitive sunglasses don't actually exist, anyone successfully obtaining a pair will experience an infinite amount of amazement and instantaneously cease to exist. Care is advised.

**Electroman** · May 21st, 2004, 10:20 AM

Posted by wossname
PS. Since the peril sensitive sunglasses don't actually exist, anyone sucessfully obtaining a pair will experience an infinite amount of amazement and instantaneously cease to exist. Care is advised.

Edit: Improved the image

**wossname** · May 21st, 2004, 03:09 PM

Sir, I am suitably honoured.

**wossname** · Jul 25th, 2004, 07:09 AM

My avatar shows me wearing my peril sensitive sunglasses. (Not presently incarnated as that evil cat).

**BodwadUK** · Jul 26th, 2004, 08:58 AM

I sent a report to wossname about me and Illibille's wedding last week. Seems he is useless and didnt pass on the news about the free booze and the requirement for a Vicar. The wedding was called off and Illibille left me for another man now all I have is gallons of free beer.

Oh well STUPID MANGY CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**visualAd** · Jul 26th, 2004, 09:03 AM

Originally posted by BodwadUK
The wedding was called off and Illibille left me for another man...

No she didn't. She left you for a bi-sexual centipede.

**BodwadUK** · Jul 26th, 2004, 09:09 AM

Same thing

**wossname** · Jul 26th, 2004, 10:38 AM

Originally posted by BodwadUK
I sent a report to wossname about me and Illibille's wedding last week. Seems he is useless and didnt pass on the news about the free booze and the requirement for a Vicar. The wedding was called off and Illibille left me for another man now all I have is gallons of free beer.

Oh well STUPID MANGY CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At least you still have the beer. That goes a long way in my experience.

**BodwadUK** · Jul 27th, 2004, 02:25 AM

But I dont like beer I need cider. Beer is evil and now I am surrounded by the evil. ITS YOUR FAULT I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!!

**wossname** · Jul 27th, 2004, 03:53 AM

Code:



> Please enter query string:
# "I don't like beer."

Please Wait...
ERR #45 - Query String Nonsensical

> Sorry, that does not compute, please try another query.



> Please enter query string:
# "Beer is evil."

Please Wait...
ERR #97- Logic Error

> I'm afraid you really aren't making any sense at all.  Reinstall user and hit Enter...

#

**BodwadUK** · Jul 27th, 2004, 04:42 AM

We can only reinstall wossname as he comes on one CD but Bodwad takes up a whole DVD and we dont have a DVD drive

**wossname** · Jul 27th, 2004, 05:24 AM

Actually, I'm still available on Atari ST Cartridge, and single-sided 320kb 5" floppy.

**BodwadUK** · Jul 27th, 2004, 05:50 AM

And thats without any compression

**visualAd** · Jul 27th, 2004, 05:56 AM

I am a virus. You can catch me by downloading my snake game.

**BodwadUK** · Jul 27th, 2004, 06:19 AM

Oh ok where is it?

**visualAd** · Dec 14th, 2004, 07:07 AM

I have commission a report into this shock report.

pref("xpinstall.enabled", true);
pref("xpinstall.whitelist.required", true);

**BodwadUK** · Dec 14th, 2004, 10:26 AM

You know that 100 page report you wrote? well I kinda had a hot curry last night and we ran out of toilet paper so you cant have it back

**visualAd** · Jan 6th, 2006, 04:24 AM

The only shocking thing about this report is the hard residue on the cover after wossname sneezed on it.

**BodwadUK** · Jan 6th, 2006, 07:17 AM

Ummmm he didnt sneeze

**The Golem** · Jan 6th, 2006, 01:04 PM

[ritual ends]

Mpf. Argh! Raaaahhhhh!!!!!!!

Golem AWAKES!!!!!!!!!

Too many threads resurrected from times past have caused The Golem to rise from his slumber, forever to seek and destroy those responsible.

[staggers off]

**MartinLiss** · Jan 7th, 2006, 02:35 AM

Originally Posted by visualAd

The only shocking thing about this report is the hard residue on the cover after wossname sneezed on it.

The really shocking thing is that the thread is a year old.

**|2eM!x** · Jan 7th, 2006, 03:38 AM

Originally Posted by MartinLiss

The really shocking thing is that the thread is a year old.

That is besides the point Martin.

**visualAd** · Jan 7th, 2006, 05:28 AM

The report has had time to mature.

**wossname** · Jan 7th, 2006, 08:57 AM

This is overshadowed by the truly earth-shattering news that Futurama may be coming back.

**BodwadUK** · Jan 9th, 2006, 04:02 AM

What???????????????????????????????????????????????

**wossname** · Jan 9th, 2006, 01:19 PM

Don't you mean

Wha wha whaaaa?

Check out www.theregister.com

**BodwadUK** · Jan 10th, 2006, 03:17 AM

OMG OMG OMG

MY HEART HAS STOPPED!!!!!

http://www.theregister.com/2006/01/06/futurama_revival/

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