Another attempt at humor!

[barrk]

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

You know that little indestructible black box that
is used on planes?

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same
substance?

[zmerlinz]

you got some of that from joke of the day didn't you ?

[barrk]

Actually it came in an email from a friend....he could have gotten it from joke of the day though.

[parksie]

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with SCUBA tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A postmortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles away from the forest. The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'-10" of the fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed!

[Active]

Programmer to Team Leader: "We can't do this proposed
project. **CAN NOT**. It will involve a Major design change
and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy
system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the
language in which this application has been written. So even
if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my
personal opinion, the company should never take these type
of projects"

Team Leader to Project Manager: "This project will involve a
design change. Currently, we don't have any staff who has
experience in this type of work. Also, the language is
unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some
training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we
are not ready to take on a project of this nature."

Project Manager to 1st Level Manager: "This project involves
a design change in the system and we don't have much
experience in that area. Also, not many people in our
company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal
opinion, we might be able to do the project but we would
need more time than usual to complete it."

1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager: "This project
involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have
worked in this area and others who know the implementation
language. So they can train other people. In my personal
opinion we should take this project, but with caution."

Senior Level Manager to CEO: "This project will demonstrate
to the industry our capabilities in remodeling the design of
a complete legacy system. We have all the necessary skills
and people to execute this project successfully. Some people
have already given in-house training in this area to other
staff members. In my personal opinion, we should not let
this project slip by us under any circumstances."

CEO to Client: "This is the type of project in which our
company specializes. We have executed many projects of the
same nature for many large clients. Trust me when I say that
we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing
this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can
execute this project successfully and well within the given
time frame."

[barrk]

Husband's written telephone message to his wife: "Doctor's office
called. Said Pabst Beer is normal."

[HarryW]

Forgive my stupidity, but... I don't get it...







(if you know what I mean)

Neither do I

Ok, you have permission.

[Jeff_1]

He has to put a "Disclaimer" in his signature... that sucks.

[barrk]

Okay...maybe it was too female oriented but....every year us women go to the doctor to have a paps smear...the results are either normal or abnormal.....there is a brand of beer named Pabst Beer....the husband heard what he could relate to instead of what the doctor said.

Yesterday was NOT my best....forgive me??

[HarryW]

I figured it sounded a bit like smear but I've never heard 'paps' before, and I've never heard of Pabst Beer either. So err.. I guess that was completely wasted on me

[barrk]

Actually yesterday was a total waste so I'm not surprised..

[tumblingdown]

Which bit confuses you honeybee?


td.