Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid ....

[alex_read]

The fire at Los Alamos Atomic facilities has one significant
consequence. A secret scientific document was discovered in a bunker
whose security systems were mostly destroyed by the fire. This
document was leaked to the public last weekend.

Actually it reveals nothing that we didn't already suspect. But it
does show that the government has known all along that besides
arsenic, lead, mercury, radon, strontium and plutonium, one more
extremely deadly and pervasive heavy element also exists.

Investigators at a major research institution havediscovered the
heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has
been tentatively named Governmentium (Gv) but kept top secret for 50
years. This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an
atomic number of 0. It does, however,have 1 neutron, 125 deputy
neutrons, 75 supervisory neutrons, and 111 team leader neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, of
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons. Since it has no electrons, Governmentium is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it
comes into contact.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Governmentium causes
one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally
take less than a minute. Governmentium has a normal half-life of
approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the deputy neutrons, supervisory
neutrons, and team leader neutrons exchange places. Animal studies
indicate that even Elephants and Donkeys become addicted to Gv if Gv
is added to their feed.

In fact, an Governmentium sample's mass will actually increase over
time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably
become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron
promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is
formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as the ..."Critical Govermentium
Morass."

[barrk]

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two (2) people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies, GS-11. Then Congress said, "How will
we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a Q. C. position and hired two (2) people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" so they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two (2) people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative position and hired three (3) people, an Admin. Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin. Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

[Active]

Sadly this is true...Even if it is a joke.

[mendhak]

Neither of the jokes are funny.

[Bonker Gudd]

We're all going to die