Computer Jokes...

[Valleysboy1978]

Q: How Many managers does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of who bulbs
burn out, and to figure out what exactly, we as supervisors can
do to make bulbs work smarter not harder.


Q: How Many testers does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don't actually fix the
problem.


Q: How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: The light bulb works fine in my office.


Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a
lightbulb??
A: None, Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(tm) as the new
industry standard

Feel free to add your own

[mendhak]

How many computer jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

[Valleysboy1978]

How many computer jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

not enough

[SLH]

How many robots does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two - One to change the lightbulb and one to eventually take over the world.

How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - The brightness level is well within defined parameters.

How many technical support people does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - They don't support that type of lightbulb.

How many programming students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - they use their monitors as a source of light.

How many average Windows users does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None - they expect it to be fixed for them.
OR
None - they think they've got a virus and take it to PCWorld, who act like technical support people (see above).

How many MS Office users does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None - They are just glad that the constant reminder of office assistant being annoying is gone.

How many WindowsME users does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - They think it's supposed to break occasionally.

How many computer support desk people does it take to change a lughtbulb?
None - You forgot the receipt.

[Valleysboy1978]

[SLH]

How many computer literate people does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 - Afterwards he take the opertunity to remove all furniture then replace them for optimum performance.

[visualAd]

If Microsoft technicians were mechanics:

What to do if your car has broken down:

1. Get out of the car
2. Close all the windows
3. Get back in.

Problem solved :d

[wossname]

All your lightbulb jokes are belong to us.

How many software help-file authors does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Unknown, could not find associated *.CHM file.

How many VC++.Net Intellisense processes does it take to change a lightbulb?
- [no response]

How many Capita Helpdesk personnel does it take to change a lightbulb?
- "Good morning sir, a lightbulb you say? Hmm, have you got any unlicensed software installed on it? No? Oh, umm. Right, just bear with me for a moment.......Good afternoon sir, What seems to be the probl...Please calm down sir....Ahh, a lightbulb you say? Hmm, have you got any unlicensed software installed on it? No? Oh, umm. Right, just bear with me for ....."

How many geeks does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 0x3, one to network-enable the Expresso machine, one to design a more efficient and indestructable bulb and one to rewind the Betamax tape of Babylon 5, season 2.

[Jacob Roman]

Aren't these computer jokes a little too nerdy?!!! I got a better one.

How can you tell a blonde used a computer? (2 answers)

1.) When the joysticks wet.

2.) When there is whiteout on the screen.

[crptcblade]

Computer Jokes...

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000010110110110110110111110101010101101111110010001010101

[NoteMe]

Aren't these computer jokes a little too nerdy?!!! I got a better one.

Well arn't those a bit old...

[NoteMe]

Well, this is NOT a joke, and it is a bit old. But it was incredible well formed words, and he didn't use a lot of time to find the right words from the fire Bill Bates made:

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you have would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

[timeshifter]

Not to mention, if you put your foot on the gas and made a left turn at the same time, the car would slow down to incredbly slow levels. Cars don't multitask either, it would seem.

[wossname]

NoteMe, you should be ashamed of yourself. Posting that crap for what must be the 40,000th time on VBF.

[NoteMe]

NoteMe, you should be ashamed of yourself. Posting that crap for what must be the 40,000th time on VBF.

I have never seen it here before....but I have asked about it two times without anyone passing me a link or anything......I feel left out...I will leave this site for good now...

[Merrion]

Q: What goes Pieces of seven, pieces of seven...
A: Parity error

(Brought out from the old jokes home for one last tour)

[wossname]

I have never seen it here before....but I have asked about it two times without anyone passing me a link or anything......I feel left out...I will leave this site for good now...

No. You will appear before King Bodwad and account for your actions.

[dglienna]

that seems to have been updated. i saw on in the 70's before there was such a thing as airbags. think it referenced the Model-T from the 30's. Must have been the Windows 3.11 version.

[wossname]

Must have been the Windows 3.11 version.

Which came out in 1988.

If cars were like computers, time travel would be possible.