If Building Architects had to work like Software Architects

[axion_sa]

If Building Architects had to work like Software Architects

Jorgen Thyme, a .NET architect out of Denmark, recently forwarded a painfully humorous email:

Dear Mr. Architect,

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.

However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case..

[timeshifter]

Painfully humorous indeed...

[visualAd]

If Building Architects had to work like Software Architects ..

It would cost £3 million, take 20 years to build and nearly finished and then get bull dozed and replaced with a broffal.

[axion_sa]

Originally posted by timeshifter
Painfully humorous indeed...

Don't shoot the messenger - got it via e-mail

[wossname]

If Civil Engineers had to work like coders...


Dear Civil Engineer.

We are transporting 100000 tons of toxic waste through your city. You don't have any choice in the matter I'm afraid. You will build one giant bridge that goes right over your crummy little proprietary town.

It has to be toxic waste proof, able to carry a maximum load of 50000 tons (we are not unreasonable people, we have split the load in two to make things easier for you) at rush hour at about 200MPH.

It must be ready by 2pm tomorrow or you will be liable for breach of contract. By reading this document you agree to these terms. We already have your signature on file.

Oh and by the way, it must be able to double as a major international airport.

See you tomorrow!

[NoteMe]

This reminds me about the 2 list that came up on that motor car conference about 5 years ago. Anyone remember that one? First a MS guy or was it IBM spoke to everyone and had a funny list about if cars had come as far as computers, then they would cost $500 or so and would run 100 miles on 1l of petrol, and so on and so on....and then one of the GM guys talked back and said, that if the car industry had done the same path, then you had to push start to turn of the car, and the car would randomly drive out of the road and so on and so on....do anyone have those list...they where pretty funny...I can't remember much of it....and all the numbers I presented here is probably wrong too.

[demotivater]

Originally posted by visualAd
...and replaced with a broffal .

[dglienna]

I couldn't find the article that had the story about if cars were designed like computers...

[Slaine]

At a recent computer exposition, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If General Motors had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating: "If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[wossname]

*overused cliche alert*

[dglienna]

I was looking for the one that was really funny. This is an imitation. Think it was in BYTE magazine in the 80's. Man, I wish I had a way to read my old backup tapes...

[visualAd]

Originally posted by dglienna
I couldn't find the article that had the story about if cars were designed like computers...

Someone here has it in their signature,, it goes something like this:

If cars followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls Royce would now cost $100, do one million miles to the gallon and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

[plenderj]

Originally posted by wossname
*overused cliche alert*

*Tautology alert*