How to choose a President....

[JPRoy392]

Before I go any further, I must again apologize to my British collegues on this website, especially HarryW. A few weeks ago I thought that this whole President election mishap would have been solved by now. To my surprise it hasn't been. So I have decided to make a list of possible ways to decide who will be the next President. Any and all suggestions are also welcome.

1. Get both the candidates really drunk off of cheap beer (Bush would win so far), bring them on top of a really high building, and see who can pee the farthest. The winner will be the next president.

2. Get both the candidates to wear that funny thing that Sumo wrestlers wear. Lock them in a padded room with nothing but a Rambo knife. The survivor will be the next president.

3. Blind-fold both the candidates. Have them drink cheap beer (again, advantage - Bush) until intoxication. Put them into bumper boats. The winner is the own that doesn't drown.

4. See who can lie most in 60 seconds (advantage Gore). The winner is the next president.

5. Have Linda Tripp sit on both of the candidates. Then pile on Monica Lewinsky. Then add another one of Clinton's girl's every sixty seconds. The one with the most women on top of him, without being crushed to death, is the next President.

I need more ideas, as I will e-mail these and all other suggestions to my congressman.

[fallnwrld]

AHHHHH I DONT COMPREHEND, I am a Floradian.

[barrk]

The first thing we need to do is to take all Floridians (or other people too stupid to figure out how to punch a little hole in a card) and send them to Australia for retraining. I'm sure that Jethro would be happy to take on the task. Those too stupid to be retrained should be given jobs in ice cream parlors and made to wait on the more obnoxious of our ilk.

[fallnwrld]

;o\ Not feeling the love in this post.

[paulw]

I like suggestion #3 with the slight change that the winner is the one that drowns!

Incidentally is is Floridian or Floradian? If the former, no wonder they couldn't vote properly Mind you, if it is the latter, it has completely ruined my joke

Cheers,

P.

You know, the understanding and compassion for older people
who were confronted with a non-standard ballot and made a
mistake just warms the cockles of my heart.

19000 people make a mistake and all you guys can do is sit
there and gibber. Makes one proud to be a member of such a
caring community.

About 3400 of these people voted by mistake for that great
humanitarian, Pat Buchannon. The fact that some of these
lost entire families to one of his heroes is indeed cause
for merriment.

It must be nice to be so intelligent, so right, so perfect
as some of the people on the forum.

DerFarm

[barrk]

It's not a lack of compassion. It's dealing with a bad situation with a sense of humor!

Just the fact that Buchanan got any votes on his own is enough to make me want to slit my wrists. Instead of doing this, I make jokes.

[JPRoy392]

Paul - fallnwrld is a Floradian and not a Floridian. That means he is a Florist that lives in Canada.

How 'bout having both the candidates listen to countless hours of Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees and N' Sync. The one that bashes his own skull in, to only have minor brain damage, is the next President. Ronald Reagan proved that you can be a great president with a little brain damage. (Of course, I am not making an asthimer's joke. Ronald Reagan had brain damage long before. Like when he was governor of California. *ahem* barrk).

[barrk]

Sad...but true. Not only Reagan....but Nixon too! Definitely not California's greatest contributions. Hopefully, with time we will be able to make up for these atrocities. Until then, accept my humble apologies.

Sorry, Barrk, but I think you're wrong on this one. I'm
surrounded by people who are saying exactly the same things
as some of the people on this forum. They are exultant
that 30000 votes were not counted. For them, its
justification for the 8 years of vilification and hatred
for the elected president.

These "jokes" have an effect on the public psyche. If you
doubt it, look at what happened to Dan Quayle, Jerry Ford,
and Jimmy Carter when they became laughingstocks.

DerFarm

[barrk]

I respect your opinion but I do not completely agree with it.

First, President Clinton made his own bed...now he has to lie in it. I do not, however, think that he has been a bad President. He has managed (in spite of the constant witch hunting by Congress) to pass some important legislation. I am much better off than I was before he was elected. The fact that he is a laughing stock has not changed that. I also feel that Jimmy Carter has done more to help our country (Habitat for Humanity to mention just one) than most people realize. He is not a laughing stock. He has even earned a lot of the hard-nosed Republican's respect too.

Second, I was not vilifying or spouting hatred. I was joking. I feel for the plight of the elders in Florida. However, I choose to look upon this whole thing as a tribute to the fact that we can have difficulties such as this current election and our country still runs efficiently, there is no fighting in the streets, no shortages of any sort...except for maybe a shortage of senses of humor.

I do understand what you are saying but you becoming morose and loosing your sense of humor is not going to improve the public psyche. It adds to it's degredation.

Geesh! Sorry about the length of this post but you got me on my soapbox again.

[wey97]

Oh! sob, sob, whine, whine, whimper, whimper
I wanted Gore but I voted twice! Duh!
(Just kidding)

No, seriously. You would think that Florida would have
faced this ballot uncertainty before.

Alabama is supposed to be the most backward state in the
US, but I beg to differ. The voting system we use:

1. Receive your ballot. It is actually in your hands
so that you may inspect it as closely as you wish. The
candidates names are in LARGE print so it is hard to make
a mistake.

2. Fill in a circle with black ink corresponding to the
candidate of your choice. If you make a mistake, ask for
a new one.

3. Deposit your ballot in the holding machine.

Quite simple, eh?

Heres my suggestion for Florida:

USE MICROSOFT LOGIC:

1. Have an electronic touch screen GUI that has very LARGE
pictures of all the candidates. The voter chooses his
candidate by touching the picture of his choice.

2. A message box pops up to verify the choice.
"Are you sure?" -- Yes -- No

3. "Voting for Bush? You really meant to vote for
Gore, right?"

"Voting for Gore? Good, do you wish to vote for Gore again?"

"Voting for Buchanan? Good. Your vote will actually be
counted as a Gore vote since we know you are not stupid
enough to vote for this guy."


---Go Bush!

[JPRoy392]

Wow, DerFarm. I didn't know that this election effected you so much. I happen to agree with you that the "seniors" down in Florida should have had a better ballot to choose the candidates from. It sucks that all those votes were discarded. I believe that the real crappy part about this whole thing is that there is no clear way to handle such a mess. Nothing like this has ever happened before, so like everything else, I feel that a joke is in order.

The people that should be really pissed off (in my opinion of course), are the citizens that voted in Oregon and New Mexico. Their totals are still not known but because of this "Electoral College" b*ll*****, it doesn't matter. Instead we are examining pregnant chads in Florida!

In closing, the purpose of this thread was not to make fun of the citizens of Florida. It was to make fun of these two guys that we had running for President. If by starting this thread, I took away some public confidence in the next President, then I am not sorry but amused. Both Bush and Gore are morons and I am tired of voting for 3rd party candidates, which means my vote means almost nothing, or I hurts the "lesser" of two evils.

I hope you don't hate me for having a slightly deranged sense of humor.

[HarryW]

Well it looks like we can agree on one thing JPRoy - they're both morons


(This doesn't just apply to US candidates btw, I'm cynical about all politicians)

Barrk, I know you weren't contributing. You sound like a
well-reasoned, mirthful person. But just check out the
response below yours. Wey97 thought it was so funny that
he started a new thread. "Just Joking" just doesn't hack
it.

JDavision, Edwin_Drood, Wey97,.... these guys are serious
and are very representative down here. I've lived in CA,
MN, and other, largely live and let live areas. That isn't
the case in much of the country. Rush Limbaugh is alive
and well.

That said, I'm finished on this thread and this subject.


DerFarm

[barrk]

I do see your point. I hope you can find a way to deal with the situation that doesn't cause you too much pain. It really sounds like you are in anguish over this whole thing. I am very sorry if I contributed to that anguish. Take care.

[wey97]

Aw c'mon man. You have to understand some people live
by a sense of humor which you seem to lack.
When did the forums get so serious?
You are really upset about this aren't you?
I guess I would be too if I voted for Gore.

[wey97]

When did the forums become a place that we are supposed
to exercise compassion, forgiveness, and decency rather
than spewing hatred and negativity (jokingly)?
If someone knows, please let me know.

Sorry, I just had to laugh one more time.

[barrk]

You ought to try mixing a little compassion, forgiveness and decency with your humor. It makes life much nicer and easier! Sarcasm doesn't have to be hurtful. If you have to explain that you were just joking then you haven't done it right.

[wey97]

My intent was not to be soft.

5. Have Linda Tripp sit on both of the candidates. Then pile on Monica Lewinsky. Then add another one of Clinton's girl's every sixty seconds. The one with the most women on top of him, without being crushed to death, is the next President.

How much funnier does it get!
Everyone needs a sense of humor like that!

[barrk]

If you say so.

[smh]

I think that they should ban BOTH from being President and start all over, because we don't need any crybaby as our President. Then again, I am sick of the whole election and wouldn't want to watch it all over again.

[HarryW]

Wey97, would you please do us all a favour and keep that gaping hole that keeps appearing in the front of your head shut. Thank you.

[wey97]

To HairyW (another pissed off Gore fan):

In case you have forgotten, my life's mission is to annoy
the living piss out of you and anyone else who doesn't
like what I say or is offended.

It's fun isn't it!?
C'mon man, take your best shot.

[Benjamin]

sure..

You->Cool = No;
Harry->Cool = Yes;
for (int i = 0; i < 1000; i++)
{
Me->KickYouInTheNuts(HARD);
}

Don't pick on anybody in this thread... because we'll all kick your ass... well, with words...

if sam comes in this thread you are going to go down so fast... MUAHAHAHAHA...


Ok, I've been evil enough for today...

[wey97]

(Wey97 succumbs to the sarcasm of the other VB Forums members)

Oh, no one likes me. (sob) (sob)

(He steps slowly to the ledge of his 50th floor apartment)

(Falling)
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     *
    ||||
 --SPLAT!--
    ||||

(He lies dead)

[wey97]

OOh, Dennis, you have got me pissing in my pants as we
speak from fright of what you or sam might do to me!
Help, someone, please! Please!

[Benjamin]

you better be scared you little piece of....

[wey97]

Oh, I am shaking terribly.
(eek) (eek)

[HarryW]

I am certainly not a Gore fan, just as I am certainly not a Bush fan, nor am I a fan of any politician.

It's not really 'annoying the living piss' out of me. I am simply left confused as to why you think it's so great if you annoy everyone so noone likes you. If you don't want social interaction, why bother posting? I'd rather you didn't, you've got nothing to say that's worth hearing.