Need a little insight from you youngsters...

[barrk]

I have an eighteen year old son who is very talented. He works playing the piano at the local theatre on the weekends. He is very good. My daughter's ballet teacher has asked me if Ian would play for her class on Wednesdays. I asked Ian and he said NO. He won't even consider it. She's willing to pay him and everything. He lives at home for free.

I do all the Mom stuff around the house. I think the least he could do is show some initiative and take some easy money. He says he doesn't want to waste his time for just one night a week.

He's been a real **** ever since he turned 18. He suddenly found out that he knows everything and that I know nothing. He just wants to sit around, play music and only work on the weekends. He's going to the Performing Arts College in June. Should I just let him sit around until then????

[Edited by barrk on 11-20-2000 at 06:48 PM]

[kovan]

this is real..
i think you should just let him cool off for a while
he will eventually cool down
i know i was like that
(still am like that)
the more you get mad at him
the more he will rebel
trust me , that is truth
hope it all goes well

[HarryW]

June?!? That's ages away! Well, my mum wouldn't have let me sit around for that long, maybe for a few weeks but not 6 months. My dad hardly lets me relax when I have a five minute break, he's always on at me to go and get a bloody job... *Mutter*.. *Ahem* Anyway, I probably don't know what I'm talking about because I'm only a little older myself (19) but it seems like a real waste of 6 months...

I've probably just got this idea because that's how it was for me, so feel free to ignore me I think another reason I think that is because I'm a programmer by trade, so I'm always concious of the need to learn new things.

So, in my (just barely) teenager's opinion, give him a good kick up the arse!

I agree with harry...

[barrk]

It just really amazes me how he went from someone who knew what he wanted, worked hard to get a job he really wanted, practiced constantly, to someone who thinks he should have life handed to him on a silver platter practically overnight!

I guess I'm more confused than angry. It's just not like him.

[barrk]

Did you go through a period when you thought you were the **** and everyone else didn't know anything about anything?


Don't bother answering denniswrenn...you're obviously still in that stage ;-)

Yep, and I am gonna be for quite a while, so get used to it..

[barrk]

Where can I send the sympathy card to your mother???

[HarryW]

Well uhh... Hmm... I don't remember being exceptionally unreasonable, but then I probably wouldn't would I?

Actually, accounts from my parents have shown that I was pretty darned reasonable most of the time through that period. I guess I'm just a freak Actually I think it's just because I have a phlegmatic personality and a pretty strong sense of direction in life, so I don't harbour much angst... except for the ex... *Mutters again*... *Ahems again* but I've moved on! Where's that bottle of JD?...

don't worry baark, I only act like this with you guys....

I don't act like this "in person"

[kovan]

barrk
well i hope it all goes well
i remember going throu this stage
where i just had no respect for anyone
dissed anyone that talked to me
and put down any of my family members that even tried to come and see me

i think you should just lay back and not bother him
*althou keep your eyez on him, to make sure he dont do anything stupid*
thats all i can say really

Let me get this straight....he only works on weekends, gets free board and lodging, and you do all the housework. Where do l sign up......Hey Guys we just have to move into this situation.

Actually get his dad to kick him up the date, and at least get him to mow the lawns, wash the cars....etc.....get Dad to point out that women are very impressed with males who can cook.

Point out to him that the one night a week he could work would keep him in beer money for a while, or if you are Iain a life time.

[Iain17]

18 sounds a bit late to be going through that stage. It is usually earlier than that, though i think my brother is sometimes still in it.

Though i don’t really think i ever really went through a phase like that, i might have done if i was related to Jethro.

Saying that i would probably take any job i could just to get away from the damn man

hehe, me too

you called me a man.


And it was you that started it.....

Does he have at least, a job, barrk?
I wanted to quit my job and not do anything for a while, but my mom yelled at me, told me to keep my job to keep the money coming in. At least I don't have to work a while, from surgery and all . Damn, if she's willing to pay him a good amount of money, I'd do it. But I don't know the piano. It's just one night a week? <cough>lazy</cough>, sorry barrk, had something caught in my throat .

You do have a problem barrk. If he's 18, an adult, you can't really do anything, but kick him out. But, probably being the loving mommy that you are, you have to much of a heart.

Yell at him, tell him to get his arse up and do stuff! Hehe, I have to do chores and stuff. My mom yells at me and when she yells, she knows how to get to you and you just automatically do what your told, don't talk back, blah blah blah.

Good luck barrk.

By the way,

Need a little insight from you youngsters...

Who you callin' youngster? I'm 16!

What? You wanna piece of me, woman?
Hehe, I'm just kidding, mom .

[Sophtware]

hmm maybe you should pour on a little guilt..into your sons happy little bowl of life, barrk.

Only once a week and he still wont play?.

Just give him time.. i think he will get over the "i am right and the world is wrong" attitude soon enough.

[barrk]

My husband is going to charge him rent if he doesn't shape up soon. Nothing unreasonable just enough to let him know what life outside is really like. Since he's only working two days a week he will barely have enough money for gas let alone anything fun. He'll have to take the other job if he wants to party.

He told me last night that he just doesn't think it's cool to play for a bunch of little girls (they're 14 to 16 year olds....not exactly little). He doesn't think his buddies in his band would understand. I say to hell with them. If they want to come over to my house and rehearse non-stop day in and day out I should start charging them rent too!

He's become such a different person. He was so talented and funny before he became possessed. I expect his head to start spinning around any moment!

[JPRoy392]

barrk -
I feel that I have to put my 2 cents in. I am little older than some of the other guys on this forum (27).
I distictly remember going through this stage. I remember thinking that my parents were idiots and that they didn't know a thing. This stage of my life lasted until I was out of college, so you may have a long ways.
Looking back, I said certain things to my parents that I wish that had not. I believe that your son will have the same feelings, although he might be thirty years old by then.
The only advice I can say is be pateint and that this is only a stage, no matter how long it may feel. If he doesn't want to play piano for the girls, that's fine. I will bet he wish he did when he is 21 and those girls are 18 or so.
This is completely normal. As long as he is not doing any narcotics or the police aren't bringing him hone at 2 in the morning, just sort of deal with it. By all means express your dislike of his attitude, but take comfort he treats complete strangers nicer than you. Charging rent is not a terrible idea. I like it.

Good Luck.

P.S. Someone once told me that when raising a child, you can cry a thousand times and only smile once. But that one smile is so worth it.

If you hadnt asked him to do it and just kinda mentioned to him that they needed a piano player, he probably would want to do it. Just a suggestion.

[barrk]

That's a good point ChimpFace. Thanks to everyone for the help. I feel much better about the whole thing today. Ian gave me a hug before I left for work so he hasn't completely forgotten that he loves me. Thanks again.

Hey!! I am only like 2 years younger than Matt, and 3 younger than Chimpface, why don't people pay attention to me??




[Edited by denniswrenn on 11-21-2000 at 04:34 PM]

We DO listen, Dennis....we just don't pay any attention.

DerFarm

Sorry Dennis did you say something.

[HarryW]

Who's Dennis?