If Men Truly Ran The World

[barrk]

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ‘em next time,” would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day, too.
5. St. Patrick’s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
6. Garbage would take itself out.
7. Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
8. The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.”
9. Instead of “beer-belly,” you’d get “beer-biceps.”
10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
11. Two words... “Ally McNaked.”
12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: “You know how fast you were going?” You: “All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.” Cop :”Nice one, That’s $10.00 off.”
13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
15. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
17. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
18. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said “You’re #1!”
20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to “I love you”
22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
23. “Sorry I’m late, but I got wasted last night,” would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
24. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car, like Fred Flintstone.
25. Hallmark would make, “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.

Ok, all that will definatly happen if you guys vote for me!!!!!!!

[Sophtware]

That was pretty good there barrk!

Except for the ally mcnaked..ewwww she is ugly..
maybe if she gained some weight, i wouldnt mind seeing her naked

It would be like seeing Rosie O'donnel naked on a Horse !! *Takes a shower with his clothes on upon thinking of that*

heheheh

[Joker]

I will vote for you Dennis if you can do all of that.

[paulw]

barrk,

You can only be referring to those brutish American men. Why not come to the UK where we are so much more civilised. You'll have to learn about cricket though.

Paul.

P.S. Who the hell are Regis and Kathy Lee?

....and what the hell is Groundhog day?

- gaffa

[barrk]

Regis and Kathy Lee are the two most annoying people in the world. Kathy Lee was a former Miss America or some such nonsense and she is supposed to be a singer. She pretends to be all sweetness and light (she's also married to some ex-football god) but then they find out the clothing line she started uses child slave labor in China. She quit in disgrace a short while later while Regis went on to host "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?". They had a morning show forever over here.

As for groundhog day....a particularly stupid tradition. If a groundhog comes out on a certain day in February (I forget which) and sees his shadow we are going to have 6 more weeks of winter. If he doesn't, spring is on it's way. Since I live in California it never applies to what's going on out here (its an East Coast tradition).

Punxsutawney Phil is IMPORTANT Damn it! Oh, Woman, thy
sting is as an adder.

Besides, like, hey dude, Californios spaced anyway.


DerFarm

[barrk]

Originally posted by DerFarm
Punxsutawney Phil is IMPORTANT Damn it! Oh, Woman, thy
sting is as an adder.

Besides, like, hey dude, Californios spaced anyway.


DerFarm

Please forgive me. I was unaware that Phil was an icon. I thought he was a groundhog!?!?

HAH! I caught you. Your guilt-ridden, depraved
indifference (a Felony in New Mexico) to REAL AMERICAN
STUFF is now apparent to the ENTIRE WORLD!!!!



MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA


You're probably really Canadian...either that or a sherry
sipping Brit.

DerFarm

[barrk]

Geesh!

[parksie]

You're probably really Canadian...either that or a sherry
sipping Brit.

Hmmm.

Where one earth did sherry come from? (not how it's made )

[Sophtware]

I cant stand kathy lee..all she does is talk about her kids and her husband, and her cats and her lalalalalala ....!!!! ARGGGH!!!!! she is making a album!!
MY GOD SHE IS SINGING!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! EWWWWWWWW TALK ABOUT BLEEDING EARDRUMS!

Barrk, Now regis is a different story.. he actually has a sense of humor..not like kathy lee (die), you have too admit he is a great choice to host "Who wants to be a millionare" Have you been watching millionare this week??
It is pretty funny with the celebrity's on there
At least the money they win goes to charity..and not to there already fat pockets.

Originally posted by parksie

You're probably really Canadian...either that or a sherry
sipping Brit.

Hmmm.

Where one earth did sherry come from? (not how it's made )

Ask Iain he is chairperson of the London Sherry Appreciation Society.

barrk and Sophtware

...............lol.....................

paulw

barrk is coming over to oz, where she can watch winning cricket rugby and soccer teams. Already have the Cloudy Bay cooling and the BBQ smoking.