joke

**tumblingdown** · Nov 9th, 2000, 05:46 AM

this from a guy at work.

A woodworm with no teeth walks into a bar and asks "where's the bar tender?"

class!

td.

**paulw** · Nov 9th, 2000, 06:06 AM

Teehee...

Excellent,

Man walks into a bar... it hurt (ahem)

Cheers td,

Paul.

**Sam Finch** · Nov 9th, 2000, 06:10 AM

2 Goldfish are in a tank, one says to the other.

"How do you drive this thing?"

Boom boom trdrdrd tsch

Nov 9th, 2000, 06:47 AM

Originally posted by paulw
Teehee...

Excellent,

Man walks into a bar... it hurt (ahem)

Cheers td,

Paul.

hehehehehehe,
hopefully, this will open a whole new *____ walks into bar*
thread.....

there have been about 3 of them.... well maybe 2.....

those threads were very funny, and very crude.... john deleted the first one.... hehehehe

**Gaffer** · Nov 9th, 2000, 07:07 AM

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, “Why the long face?”

**Gaffer** · Nov 9th, 2000, 09:01 AM

Aw, they're Gross!

Has anyone seen the email shooting around about Bush's mis-quotaions over the last decade? A sampler...

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in
this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in
this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/15/95

Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

etc etc etc

**barrk** · Nov 9th, 2000, 10:24 AM

A dyslexic walked into a bra...

**tumblingdown** · Nov 9th, 2000, 10:29 AM

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!

td.

**JPRoy392** · Nov 9th, 2000, 11:40 AM

Why did the blonde get on the roof of the bar??

She heard drinks were on the house.

**HarryW** · Nov 9th, 2000, 12:30 PM

7 dwarves in a bath and they're all feeling happy. Then happy got out so they all felt grumpy.

**Iain17** · Nov 9th, 2000, 01:14 PM

Two Man U fans are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in
it, and says "Hey, I know that bloke" The second one picks it up and says
"Of course you do, you thick **** - its me!"

Q:What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with
Wormwood Scrubs?
A:They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Q:How many Manchester Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Three. One to change the bulb, one to buy the "1999 light bulb changing"
commemorative T-shirt and video, and one to drive the other two back to
Torquay.

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? A:
They had pictures of Man United players on them ... and people couldn't
figure out which side to spit on.

Q: If you see a Manchester United Fan on a bicycle, why should you never
swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a Manchester United Fan from
Manchester, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they
simultaneously spot a 10 note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

Q: What do you have when 100 Manchester United Fans are buried up to their
neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
Manchester United Fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What do Manchester United Fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a
Manchester United Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the United Fan. Twice.

Q: What is the difference between a Manchester United Fan and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Q: What do you call 5000 dead Manchester United Fans at the bottom of the
ocean?
A: A good start!

A Scouse van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester
United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their
ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a
loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the
driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would
do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest "where are you
going, Father?", "I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2
miles down the road" replied the priest. "No problem Father! I'll give you a
lift"! climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down
the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the
road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered
the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road,
narrowly missing the bastard. However even though he was certain he missed
the glory-hunting shite, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding
where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see
anything he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit
that Manchester United fan," "That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the
****er with the door!"

**T0MMY** · Oct 2nd, 2001, 10:11 AM

got any more manc jokes?

**tumblingdown** · Oct 2nd, 2001, 10:21 AM

Digging up old threads, great stuff :-)

td.

**parksie** · Oct 2nd, 2001, 12:28 PM

Christ this is old!

**Jim Brown** · Oct 2nd, 2001, 12:39 PM

Bob and Jim (Two gay lovers) were sitting...

Nothing personal here, I hope? See other thread re my wife's armament.

**Behemoth** · Aug 22nd, 2002, 08:51 AM

*bump*

not got time to read em all, so Ill save em for later

**InvisibleDuncan** · Aug 22nd, 2002, 09:21 AM

Were you spying on me?

**Behemoth** · Aug 22nd, 2002, 09:32 AM

pardon?

**run_GMoney** · Oct 15th, 2002, 03:21 PM

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?

-Gimme a beer and a mop

What's brown and sticky?

-A brown stick

I love corny jokes.

**john tindell** · Oct 15th, 2002, 03:35 PM

two birds sitting on a perch,
one says t the other, "Do you smell fish?"

**TonyAldi** · Nov 14th, 2003, 08:57 PM

I don't get it !

**T0MMY** · Nov 14th, 2003, 09:03 PM

wooo this thread gets brought back once a year

**mendhak** · Nov 15th, 2003, 01:41 AM

That's the longest thread I've ever seen... and we don't know who posted it.

**wossname** · Nov 15th, 2003, 07:05 AM

Originally posted by mendhak
That's the longest thread I've ever seen... and we don't know who posted it.

And you've seen a thread or two in your time eh?

Heh heh

, jk

**FlashX** · Dec 2nd, 2003, 09:34 PM

ok..ok....listen to a real joke!

..why was the sand wet??

cos the seaweed!

**mar_zim** · Jan 21st, 2005, 09:53 PM

journey of little johnny.

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

**mendhak** · Jan 22nd, 2005, 02:19 AM

Last sunday, two trucks full of thesauruses crashed into each other and there was a tremendous explosion. Both drivers died.

Witnesses were stunned, stupefied, shocked, aghast, taken aback, surprised...

**wossname** · Jan 22nd, 2005, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by mendhak

Last sunday, two trucks full of thesauruses crashed into each other and there was a tremendous explosion. Both drivers died.

Witnesses were stunned, stupefied, shocked, aghast, taken aback, surprised...

I like.

**FlashX** · Jan 23rd, 2005, 06:59 AM

here is one that always cracks me up:

Why was the sand wet? cos the seaweed!!

**visualAd** · Jan 23rd, 2005, 07:02 AM

this is my favorite joke.

Why is the sky blue?

Because its not green

**wossname** · Jan 23rd, 2005, 01:07 PM

*Silence*

**mar_zim** · Aug 7th, 2006, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by visualAd

this is my favorite joke.

Why is the sky blue?

Because its not green

You made my sky green.

**cyber_alex** · Oct 21st, 2006, 02:46 AM

Originally Posted by mar_zim

You made my sky green.

One and a half year since the last post..

**grilkip** · Oct 21st, 2006, 02:51 AM

That's amazing.

**Shaggy Hiker** · Oct 21st, 2006, 11:34 PM

I'd continue the journey of little johny, but I don't think I know any of those that are clean enough.

**timeshifter** · Oct 21st, 2006, 11:55 PM

It wouldn't have mattered in the old CC...

A duck walks into a store to buy some chap stick. Clerk says, 'You want that on your credit card?" Duck says, "No, just put it on my bill!"

**eSPiYa** · Oct 22nd, 2006, 02:02 AM

Let's spam this thread w/ jokes.

**wossname** · Oct 22nd, 2006, 03:40 AM

A man gets run over by 2 green trucks.

**kregg** · Oct 22nd, 2006, 12:47 PM

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers...

Incase he had a hole in one.

**Arty2000** · Feb 6th, 2007, 05:46 AM

Found this thread while looking for some code, and I couldn't resist...

What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley?

A shopping trolley has a mind of it's own

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