Computer Haikus

[msimmons]

Taken from an email I received from www.humornetwork.com

Imagine if instead of cryptic, geeky text strings, your computer produced error messages in haiku...

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Tuesday has come here
Welcome it with smiles
or computer dies...I made that one up...
Live your life in Haiku today...it's a challenge...

Michael

[Dreamlax]

You've installed software
Must restart, for no reason
Works not anyway

You put in hardware
Windows has the wrong drivers
Have to write your own!

Something new I've found
Looks quite new and expensive
Oops, not supported.

The Blue Screen of Death
Is here to say, that Windows
Obviously sucks

[msimmons]

Are those yours?

[WorkHorse]

Shutdown and restart
Now boot it back up again
It should work fine now

I see no error
Works OK on my machine
Must be your server

I tested the code
Can’t duplicate the error
My code works perfect

[DiGiTaIErRoR]

Illegal page fault
you do not know either eh?
has to be windows

[Dreamlax]

Originally posted by msimmons
Are those yours?

Yeah, as you can tell I was never much of a haiku writer, or even a poet, but for something which only requires 17 syllables....

[Juan Carlos Rey]

Is it, or is it not
the file that yesterday was,
and today is not?

Unknown error:
Windows works fine,
please restart.

Sectors, clusters, bytes
obscurely mixed up.
File copy error.

(I'm sorry I can't count over 10)

[arsmakman]

You have done it bad,
Therefore I have crashed,
Just reboot and try again.

Fatal error on 1000F,
I don't know what it means either,
Too bad.

This is called haiku,
which are three-lined poems,
of seventeen syllables.

[Dreamlax]

Originally posted by Juan Carlos Rey
Is it, or is it not
the file that yesterday was,
and today is not?

Unknown error:
Windows works fine,
please restart.

Sectors, clusters, bytes
obscurely mixed up.
File copy error.

(I'm sorry I can't count over 10)

Error in haikus
they must be in the format
5, 7, then 5

(talking about syllables)

[JPicasso]

Expensive machine
Overpowered to the max
I paruse chit-chat

[Juan Carlos Rey]

posted by Dreamlax
Error in haikus
they must be in the format
5, 7, then 5

(talking about syllables)

I told you I can't count over 10 (in binary)

Those Haiku were adapted from Jorge Luis Borges, "17 Haiku", 1981. But in the translation to English I had to miss the syllabes count. But don't tell me they aren't the most poetic!

By the way, HAIKU is a japanese word; the plural is also HAIKU - you must not add "s" as in English (or in Spanish, by the way)

[Dreamlax]

The transliteration of the word is "haiku", since it was adopted into English, it can in fact have an 's' after it. The plural of tsunami is tsunamis, just like any other adopted word. English is based off other languages, and if most the words are 'borrowed' then there would be no need to have an 's' after words to make them plural.

http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=haiku

The spelling haikus
This is completely correct
It's just the English

[arsmakman]

Looks to me like it's spelled:

Cannot connect: 111 = Connection refused

[Dreamlax]

That's the strangest spelling i've seen for haiku yet... Other one's include "hyhku", "hihku" and "Hhaikoo". I read a book on transliterations and what the most sensible method of transliteration is for most languages. Mandarin had some especially funny ones.

[JPicasso]

Ya, that's all fine and dandy, the origin of the word, and how
to make it plural, and one time at band camp sombody spelled it
funny, rememver that? Lets talk about those things because they
are very interesting....

Come on folks, lets get down it.



Wasn't the one I wrote cool?

[arsmakman]

You've watched American Pie just one time too many, JPicasso.

[JPicasso]

Tasteless teen humor
Rotting the brains of our youth
Fart jokes are funny

[JPicasso]

Haiku for the group
My blood, my sweat, my tears - soul
Nothing but crickets




(How many syllables is a smiley?)

[Dreamlax]

Smileys are worth eight
So that way you can't use them
In anymore haikus!

hahaha

[Microbasic]

Smileys are worth none,
So use them freely here, for
They make good smileys.

Blue dragon of dark,
Let upon us your blessing,
Spread not your fear.

Rule of VB-World:
If you add threads in Chit-chat,
You will get much spam.

[Dreamlax]

No! You are too wrong
Smileys are worth eight you fool!
I just don't like them...

Just my opinion
Is not big enough to stop
All those damned smileys.

So I guess you can
Use all the smileys you want
In anymore haikus!

[Microbasic]

Therefore you are wrong.
I will leave you to demise,
And much suffering.

Care not if you fail,
You do have all of you life,
to brood over it.

Idol worshipper,
Now you see your sins and wrongs,
So repent yourself.

You will suffer hard,
You will pass through the great hell,
And suffer through it.

Misleaden DreamLax,
Relax not on your journey,
You have much to go.

Good master Dreamlax,
Suffer your greatest defeat,
For smilies live on.

[Dreamlax]

Bah ha ha ha ha
My greatest defeat is not
something with smileys.

To be more precise
being beaten by a girl,
my greatest defeat

Whilst playing a round
of the famous Tekken Tag
A girl put in dollar

She chose King and Lei
I chose Lee and Tetsujin
And the match began.

It was tied, 4 each
Punch, kick, then a power move
Left my jaw on floor.

I offered her lunch
she happily accepted
Now she's a great friend!

So maybe it was
Just for the best, that she's good
Perhaps even better.

[Microbasic]

Who had beaten you?
A girl? To be expected -
You can do no more.

But a friend is good.
In fact, it is much better,
Than beating her Lei.

I envy friendship,
For over much of my life,
Friends I have had none.

Therefore, I envy you.
You make new friends every day,
While I only make foes.

You are chinese, too?
Why do you always get friends,
while I only get foes?

It's interesting,
How you can make a girlfriend,
Over Tekken Tag.

Oh well, you have won,
You have friends while I have none,
I will destroy you.

===========================
JAPANESE-STYLED OBJECTIVE HAIKU
===========================

Grapes hang on high vines,
A thirsty fox stares in vain,
For he can't reach them.

The wolf marvels strength,
So he inquired lions,
but he became food.

Luckless fisherman,
Why do you persue the fish,
When you can't catch them?

[Dreamlax]

Friends are easy to find
Just approach people and ask
A question or two.

People who deny
The invitation to lunch
They will make bad friends

Only friends say yes
Pretty women who say no,
Are just big *******s.

So, though you want them
They are after someone else
They will look for long.

Look for long they will,
because their being picky
can rule out good friends.

[Microbasic]

Thank you much, indeed.
Such advice is rarely heard,
Let alone be seen.