Gaffer

[Ianpbaker]

I'm really suprised you haven't started at me about saturdays result

[Bonker Gudd]

A bloke walks into a pub, and the landlord is astonished to see that half of his head is an orange!

The man orders a drink, and the landlord, unable to contain his curiosity any longer, says to the man 'Excuse me mate, but how on earth did you end up with one half of your head being an orange?'

'Well, it's a funny story,' says the man. 'A few years ago, I was working in the Middle East and one day I came across a rusty old lamp. I thought it might be worth a few bob, and I rubbed it on my sleeve to see if there was any kind of a hallmark. Well the next thing I knew, there was a puff of smoke and there in front of me was a burly, eastern looking bloke on a magic carpet, and he said to me,' 'Master, you have released me from my prison and in return I'll grant you 3 wishes.'

'Well' says the bloke to the barman 'He didn't need to tell me twice!. Straight away, quick as a flash I said "Right, well my first wish is that I'm married to one of the most beautiful woman in the world', and immediately, beside me appeared Kylie Minogue, in hotpants and everything, with a wedding ring on her finger'.

'Jesus' says the barman. 'So what happened next?'

Well, I was delighted obviously' says the bloke 'But realised I didn't have the funds necessary to keep a woman like Kylie in the manner to which she's accustomed. So straightaway I said to the genie 'Now I want a million pounds in my bank account, and I don't want it to ever run out, no matter how much I spend". Next thing I knew, I was holding a bank statement showing that my account had one million pounds in it!'

'That's incredible' says the barman 'And so what was your third wish'



'My third wish' says the man, 'was for half of my head to be an orange'

[Gaffer]

Well, we didn't win did we

At home, we're best in the Premiership, as proven last year, where out home record was even better than Liverpool and the Gooners. Our away record is dismal (4-0 to the Toon 1st game )

Sounded like a great game thouh -did you see it?

[Ianpbaker]

only the highlights on itv, Henry's 25 yarder was Deffinatley as good as they said and the penalty was dubious, although the shot was dismal and had so much power David flicked it away with his pony tail but all credit to the hammers, they gave us a very good run for our money and we were lucky to get a point

[Gaffer]

Originally posted by Bonker Gudd
A bloke walks into a pub, and the landlord is astonished to see that half of his head is an orange!

The man orders a drink, and the landlord, unable to contain his curiosity any longer, says to the man 'Excuse me mate, but how on earth did you end up with one half of your head being an orange?'

'Well, it's a funny story,' says the man. 'A few years ago, I was working in the Middle East and one day I came across a rusty old lamp. I thought it might be worth a few bob, and I rubbed it on my sleeve to see if there was any kind of a hallmark. Well the next thing I knew, there was a puff of smoke and there in front of me was a burly, eastern looking bloke on a magic carpet, and he said to me,' 'Master, you have released me from my prison and in return I'll grant you 3 wishes.'

'Well' says the bloke to the barman 'He didn't need to tell me twice!. Straight away, quick as a flash I said "Right, well my first wish is that I'm married to one of the most beautiful woman in the world', and immediately, beside me appeared Kylie Minogue, in hotpants and everything, with a wedding ring on her finger'.

'Jesus' says the barman. 'So what happened next?'

Well, I was delighted obviously' says the bloke 'But realised I didn't have the funds necessary to keep a woman like Kylie in the manner to which she's accustomed. So straightaway I said to the genie 'Now I want a million pounds in my bank account, and I don't want it to ever run out, no matter how much I spend". Next thing I knew, I was holding a bank statement showing that my account had one million pounds in it!'

'That's incredible' says the barman 'And so what was your third wish'



'My third wish' says the man, 'was for half of my head to be an orange'

Was that really poor, or did you miss a sentence???

[siyan]

Joke in pictures.

Wish 1


Wish 2


Wish 3


-C

[Gaffer]

Originally posted by Ianpbaker
only the highlights on itv, Henry's 25 yarder was Deffinatley as good as they said and the penalty was dubious, although the shot was dismal and had so much power David flicked it away with his pony tail but all credit to the hammers, they gave us a very good run for our money and we were lucky to get a point

I heard diffeernt: Henry's goal was borne out of pure frustration, he was quoted after the game.

The penalty apparently was valid, and Cole should have been send off for a second bookable.

We were all over you apparently - Wneger's words of confidence sounds a little more shallow after that - Carrick and Cisse had Viera in their pockets...

GOONYOUHAMMERS

[siyan]

Theirry Henry is god.

-C

[siyan]

Too bad God still coudn't put one in for France.

[Gaffer]

Must've lacked a little, 'ow do you say, voo-voo-voom?

He ain't god mate - George Best was a God. Booby Moore was a God. Even Matt Le Tiss was Le God. But Henry? Good yes, great...mmmmm....

[Wally Pipp]

Saw a United Celebration on the Beeb lately. Georgie hasn't changed one bit.

By the way, Cantona was God. Talent combined with sheer arrogance. Bloody brilliant times those were

[Gaffer]

Inclined to agree mate. Cantona was/is a rare talent. And bought for a million. He had in spades what Keane can only dream off....

The obvious Maradona, Cryff, Platini and Pele. I dunno who of the more recent crop will become Gods - Pires if he keep his feet on the ground. Ballack maybe. Beckham almost there.

I can see any one of the Jermaines being major (Pennant/Cole/Defoe)

[Bonker Gudd]

I'm surprised you haven't mentioned Trevor Sinclair

[Wally Pipp]

Mmm ... there's always Van Basten, Figo (although crap nowadays), Zidane (more or less), Giggsy (in a good day), Van Nistelrooy (sometimes), Raul ...

Forgot one ! Bergkamp !

But Cantona ... those were the times. A born leader, talent in abundance, not afraid to take some flak head on and always, always confident in himself. I daresay he changed the face of football for good.
Too bad that his pride got him into stupid stunts every now and then (Crystal Palace incident ) but other than that a rare gem on the pitch.

[Gaffer]

Originally posted by Bonker Gudd
I'm surprised you haven't mentioned Trevor Sinclair

I'm surprised you haven't mentioned Mickey Bell

[Wally Pipp]

What about Bobby (Charlton or Robson. You choose) ?
Or Kevin Keegan

[Gaffer]

Originally posted by Wally Pipp
Mmm ... there's always Van Basten, Figo (although crap nowadays), Zidane (more or less), Giggsy (in a good day), Van Nistelrooy (sometimes), Raul ...

Forgot one ! Bergkamp !

But Cantona ... those were the times. A born leader, talent in abundance, not afraid to take some flak head on and always, always confident in himself. I daresay he changed the face of football for good.
Too bad that his pride got him into stupid stunts every now and then (Crystal Palace incident ) but other than that a rare gem on the pitch.

Van B, defo. Figo and Zidane? Naw, loads of tricks, no substance. Giggsy, yeah I reckon he's there, Van N? I reckon I could score half his goals. I'd like to see him in an Andy COle situation (potentially ood team, OKish midfield)...

Cantona's exploits only showed that genius is flawed....

[Wally Pipp]

Did you know I played to be a promising forward in my time ?
Gave up after some incidents on the pitch. Damn stupid things really. If every player minded where he went that bugger would never have run into my elbow

[Gaffer]

I organise a 5 a-side game with mates/colleagues/B movie actors every friday evening. You should pop on a plane and....

[InvisibleDuncan]

Originally posted by Gaffer
Was that really poor, or did you miss a sentence???

I have to disagree. That joke really cracked me up.

[Bonker Gudd]

Originally posted by Gaffer
I'm surprised you haven't mentioned Mickey Bell

That goes without saying

[Gaffer]

Originally posted by InvisibleDuncan
I have to disagree. That joke really cracked me up.

Better on second visit - needed a night's sleep...

[gravyboy]

Originally posted by Gaffer
Better on second visit - needed a night's sleep...

And I, on the other hand, am still struggling....someone point out the punchline...please

[Flustor]

Was that circuit any use in the end young Gaffer me lad?

[GlenW]

Gaffer, I've kept my mouth shut.
I don't know what 4, but i have.