Quack!!

[RSINGH]

A Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer.

The barman says, "Hey, you're a duck".

"Nothing wrong with your eyesight," observes the duck.

"Yeah, but I mean - you can TALK," says the barman.

"Guess your ears are fine too," answers the duck. "Now, can have a beer, please."

The barman serves the duck a pint and asks him, "So, what brings a duck like you to these parts?"

"Oh," says the duck, "I work on the building site across the road. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll most likely be in every lunch hour for a pint."

The duck slurped down his beer, wiggling his tail happily.

Just as he said, the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunch time lager.

The next week, the circus comes to town on its annual round. The circus owner wanders in for a pint and the barman tells him about the talikng duck.

"You should get this duck to join your circus," he says. "For a small fee, I could hook you up with this duck and you could make lots of money. Everyone would love to see a talking duck I think. Don't you?"

The circus man nods his agreement excitedly while sipping his beer and the barman agrees to talk to the duck about the circus.

The following day, the duck comes in at lunch time as he had been for those many days. The barman says to the duck (with pound signs in his eyes), "You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner about you. He's very interested in you."

"Really?" says the duck.

"Yes. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily."

"Hang on," said the duck. "You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?"

"That's right."

"That's one of those big tent things, isn't it? With a big pole
in the middle?"

"Yes!"

"That's canvas, isn't it?" said the duck.

"Of course," replied the barman, "I can get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner's dead keen on the idea."

The duck looked very puzzled. "But why would he want to hire a plasterer?"

[Wally Pipp]

It quacked me up Ranj

[JPicasso]

What a fowl joke.

[Bonker Gudd]

RSINGH should be tarred and feathered.

Then be given the bill.

[RSINGH]

Originally posted by Bonker Gudd
RSINGH should be tarred and feathered.

Then be given the bill.

Just beakause you're jealous

[barrk]

Tell another joke like that and you'd better duck!

[mendhak]

Oh ****, all the puns have been used.

[Flustor]

You're all quackers

*Lucy hits rock bottom*

[RSINGH]

Quack - ith my dwug of choith.

[SLH]

Originally posted by JPicasso
What a fowl joke.

I bet that's just water off a (humourless) duck's back to him.









Mendhak: Only the good ones.

[barrk]

I think you'd just better wing it on out of here!

[Gaffer]

huh, there's a time and a plaice for this...





wrong thread

[RSINGH]

Chris Waddle - marvellous player in his day - and what a top mullet.

[RSINGH]

Alex Ferguson is the one of the guests of honour at the Miss World
Beauty
pageant.

During the interval all the guests and contestants are mingling over
drinks.
Sir Alex is besieged by three of the most beautiful women in the world.

Miss Venezuela pops the first question "Sir Alex, I admire your
management
skills and all you have achieved and the trophies you have won." Sir
Alex
acknowledges her flattering remark, but she then lowers the left strap
of
her dress and reveals her left breast and says, "Can you autograph this
please?" Sir Alex now bemused, duly obliges.

Miss Croatia pops the second question. "Sir Alex, I admire the way you
play
psychological games with your opponents even before you play them." Sir
Alex
acknowledges her flattering remark, but she then lowers the right strap
of
her dress and reveals her right breast and says, "Can you autograph this
please?" Sir Alex, again bemused, duly obliges.

Miss Argentina pops the third question. "Sir Alex, I admire the way you
motivate your players and shield them like they were your own sons." Sir
Alex acknowledges her flattering remark, but she then lifts up her dress
and
reveals the fact she is wearing no underwear at all and is completely
shaved, and says, "Can you please autograph this please." Sir Alex
totally
gobsmacked by now says:

"Hang on a minute love, no, no, no! Last time I signed a bald
Argentinean
c**t it cost me £28 million!!!"

[mendhak]

A little late but I finally thought of one...

That was Daffy-nitely funny.

[wossname]

26 months in gestation eh mend?

After that long I would have expected a golden egg.

Its nice to have another gander at that old gag.

Although to say it was hilarious would be a grouse exaggeration

Sorry, I'll stop now.