Apparently Jesus is broke too

**cafeenman** · May 24th, 2002, 11:52 PM

http://www.theonion.com/onion3210/ch...andsmoney.html

**mjjohnson** · May 25th, 2002, 12:40 AM

You may laugh at this, but Jesus will return and save us all.

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 12:41 AM

Originally posted by mjjohnson
You may laugh at this, but Jesus will return and save us all.

No way!

**mjjohnson** · May 25th, 2002, 12:46 AM

Why not. he has done it once, he will do it again.

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 12:47 AM

what do you mean "he did it once?"

**mjjohnson** · May 25th, 2002, 12:49 AM

Around about 2000 years ago, God gave his only son, Jesus in sacrafice to the world. He suffered for all of our mortal sins and eventually gave up hislife so that YOU could be cleansed.

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 12:51 AM

That's crazy. I wasn't even born yet. What sins? I've never done anything that bad. I would never ask anyone to die for me. Where are you getting this information from?

**mjjohnson** · May 25th, 2002, 12:54 AM

It's written in the bible. If you can find ONE falicy in the bible then I will admit that I am wrong, but i bet you can't. it's the devine word of god, and therefore the unassailable truth!

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 12:57 AM

You're saying the Bible says that Jesus died for Me personally? I was mentioned by name?

**mjjohnson** · May 25th, 2002, 12:58 AM

I'm assuming you are a human. He died for all mankind. Thats you, your father, your mother and all your children.

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 01:00 AM

Why did he have to do that? I mean what difference would it have made if he simply lived out his life and died of old age?

**mjjohnson** · May 25th, 2002, 01:03 AM

YOU would all still be marked with the original sin of Adam and Eve. At least now you have a chance to absolve yourself of that sin by accepting baptism. Those who have not accepted Christ into their home are fated to burn forever in the fires of hell.

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 01:03 AM

Originally posted by mjjohnson
YOU would all still be marked with the original sin of Adam and Eve. At least now you have a chance to absolve yourself of that sin by accepting baptism. Those who have not accepted Christ into their home are fated to burn forever in the fires of hell.

That's got to really suck. How can I avoid having that happen to me? I feel like I'm pretty important and too good to have that happen to me.

**mjjohnson** · May 25th, 2002, 01:06 AM

Repent on your sins, and get baptised. Accept Christ into your life. Cast out the evil thoughts that you harbour.

Truely, he is the light, he is the way.

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 01:07 AM

Man... I think you're yanking my chain. What about all those people who say they believe in Christ and have been baptised. Then they screw their fellow man on a daily basis. Are they going to heaven?

**mjjohnson** · May 25th, 2002, 01:15 AM

I have to go to sleep now, I'll get back to you on that.

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 01:15 AM

OK, thanks for answering my questions

I have some more for you when you come back.

**mendhak** · May 25th, 2002, 02:46 AM

mjjohnson, I agree with your views. I am happy to find someone who has also seen the light, although your post count would have me suspect you are here to play with some of our beliefs.

Anyhow, I would disagree with you when you say the Bible is the divine word of God. Over time, the Bible has been corrupted by men like you, me and everyone else. The Bible is to be taken symbolically, rather than literally.

To see the light, one must awake from this slumber in which they exist, and let the spirit of Jesus rejuvinate them.

**parksie** · May 25th, 2002, 06:01 AM

"My love," Christ said, "which passeth all human understanding and shines from the countenance of God our heavenly Father, shall be all you need and desire all the days of your lives. But I do need a reasonably decent budget to make that happen."

Jethro · May 25th, 2002, 08:43 AM

Originally posted by cafeenman

No way!

He's gone deep in defense, l have $10 on him making the intercepted.....

**cafeenman** · May 25th, 2002, 12:09 PM

Originally posted by honeybee

I can assure you that's the biggest lie the Gods are telling you. Yes, the Gods are selfish too, maybe even more than the humans. That's why they send us here on the earth and themselves enjoy the heavens.

.

I don't think you should be so quick to judge. From what mjjohnson says, it sounds like if you say the right things to the right people, and get baptised, then you can go to heaven too.

**cafeenman** · May 27th, 2002, 01:48 AM

Originally posted by honeybee

Boy! Whoever wants to go to heaven?? I just want a peaceful and comfortable life over here on the earth, and the esteemed people in the skies have screwed up my plans quite royally (or maybe divinely or whatever the word). Over and above that they keep telling me the screwup is so big they can't do anything about it now, and I have to live with it all my life.

Gods my foot!

.

I think the God of feet was that florist guy.

**mendhak** · May 27th, 2002, 01:55 AM

Originally posted by cafeenman

I think the God of feet was that florist guy.

The God of Feet is Nike.

**Nightwalker83** · May 27th, 2002, 01:58 AM

Originally posted by mendhak

The God of Feet is Nike.

**mendhak** · May 27th, 2002, 02:58 AM

I think that was on purpose. We need to reanalyze.

**cafeenman** · May 27th, 2002, 02:59 AM

Originally posted by mendhak
I think that was on purpose. We need to reanalyze.

he's obviously on to us. We need a new strategy. Where's BB?

**mendhak** · May 27th, 2002, 03:03 AM

Originally posted by cafeenman

he's obviously on to us. We need a new strategy. Where's BB?

BB's probably revelling in the pleasure of discovering it. He's going to be heartbroken when he finds out.

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