Women think they already know everything, but wait...

**Guru** · May 22nd, 2002, 06:18 AM

Women think they already know everything, but wait...
Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frountier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is HIs

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication SKills III: gettings What you Want Withouth Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking II: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem ... Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occrrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing it All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

**Pix** · May 22nd, 2002, 07:55 AM

pah

**Jim Brown** · May 22nd, 2002, 08:09 AM

Bathroom Etiquette III: Operating the lid

Restaurants 101: Going to the crapper alone- it's not that difficult

**Flustor** · May 22nd, 2002, 08:14 AM

Why can't men...

Volenteer to do the washing up?
Make nice snacks for visitors? (involving other than alcoholic snacks)
Wash their hands after going pee pee? (I hear this is true

)
Talk about clothes? (surely they wear them too?)
Trim nasal hair after the age of 40?

**GlenW** · May 22nd, 2002, 08:37 AM

Originally posted by Flustor
Why can't men...
Trim nasal hair after the age of 40?

'cos when its long enough I'll be able to brush it over my bald patch.

**HarryW** · May 22nd, 2002, 08:39 AM

I bought my dad an ear and nose hair trimmer for Chrismas a few years ago as a piss take. It's probably the most useful present I've ever given anyone, on reflection. I kind of wish I had one.

**Wally Pipp** · May 22nd, 2002, 08:40 AM

Basic Electronics : Press the button means pressing the button

**Bonker Gudd** · May 22nd, 2002, 08:44 AM

Real men pluck their nasal hair.

**GlenW** · May 22nd, 2002, 08:45 AM

Map Reading - How to accept when you're wrong, not the map

**axion_sa** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:11 AM

Originally posted by Flustor
Why can't men...

Wash their hands after going pee pee? (I hear this is true )

don't know about u, but we don't pee pee on our hands

**barrk** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:15 AM

I think Pix said it all..........pah!

**Flustor** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:16 AM

Originally posted by axion_sa

don't know about u, but we don't pee pee on our hands

...ok, but touching a fairly stinky part of your body

**Wally Pipp** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:17 AM

I never go anywhere near my dog's paw

**Flustor** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:17 AM

Originally posted by barrk
I think Pix said it all..........pah!

Yaayy! hello Katie

**axion_sa** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:30 AM

Originally posted by Flustor

...ok, but touching a fairly stinky part of your body

need two hands to control the monster

**Gaffer** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:42 AM

Originally posted by Flustor
Why can't men...
Talk about clothes? (surely they wear them too?)

I have tried to a few times : one was about Oliver Sweeney Shoes, (which no-one weas interested in), one was about my Trainer Fetish (which only Pix particpated in

) and one about me wanting to be like Bowie when I was a kid....

I'm misunderstood

**Gaffer** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:45 AM

Originally posted by Flustor

...ok, but touching a fairly stinky part of your body

HA! At least we don't smell like Grimsby!

:P

**Gaffer** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:45 AM

Originally posted by Flustor

...ok, but touching a fairly stinky part of your body

HA! At least we don't smell like Grimsby!

:P

**Ianpbaker** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:47 AM

I chatted to you about shoes Gaff

**Gaffer** · May 22nd, 2002, 09:52 AM

Originally posted by Ianpbaker
I chatted to you about shoes Gaff

here's the thread:

http://161.58.186.97/showthread.php?...hlight=sweeney

Here's Ian's contribution:

"QUICK, START TALKING ABOUT FOOTIE,BEER AND WOMEN BRFORE IT'S TOO LATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU'LL BE COMPARING KITCHENS AND WETHER THE NEW RANGE FROM IKEA IS ANY GOOD"

**Flustor** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:04 AM

ok.. I'll give you a go

.

How about the gypsy style tops that are fasionable right now?

**Gaffer** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:09 AM

Short sleeved, with ruffle details on sleeve and neckline - they're OK, but suit smaller girls with a tan better IMO...

NEXT!!

**Flustor** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:31 AM

ok, good answer.. I like a challenge...

Sooo... which skirt? Pleated, straight or v shaped? in mini, short, knee or long?

**Gaffer** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:46 AM

Ah, trick question

I'd say a pair of Vintage Levis are the best (or distressed Reply jeans as an alternative).

If it was a skirt, I reckon possibly asymetrical (but that's a bit dated now); naw, jeans are the best with this - and a pair of Original Nike Air Rifts (blue and yellow, non of this leather crap)

NEXT!!!

Fellers, I'm only slightly fey

**JPicasso** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:55 AM

Originally posted by Flustor
Why can't men...

Volenteer to do the washing up?
Make nice snacks for visitors? (involving other than alcoholic snacks)
Wash their hands after going pee pee? (I hear this is true )
Talk about clothes? (surely they wear them too?)
Trim nasal hair after the age of 40?

I DO the washing up... and somtimes I cook as well (how do you like your hotdogs? boiled or microwaved?)

What other kinds of snacks are there?

I do wash my hands, constantly. (I have to make sure noone sees the blood, the blood)

Cause I'm not a poof.

I trim it now... I suppose when I'm 40 I'll be tired of keeping up my striking good looks.

Why don't chi... women talk about sports or car repair or video games or swimsuit competitions? and "She's fatter than me right?" doesn't count.

**Flustor** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:55 AM

Not bad.. I donate unto you the title of honourery girl.

*cr@p game show host voice*
Yes Gaffer, you too can be a girl for the day at the luxurious transvestite clubs around London.
Bask in the glowering looks of old men as they eye you up, after a wonderful beautification palace waxes you from head to toe.

he he he

**Gaffer** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:56 AM

Originally posted by JPicasso

I DO the washing up... and somtimes I cook as well (how do you like your hotdogs? boiled or microwaved?)

What other kinds of snacks are there?

I do wash my hands, constantly. (I have to make sure noone sees the blood, the blood)

Cause I'm not a poof.

I trim it now... I suppose when I'm 40 I'll be tired of keeping up my striking good looks.

Why don't chi... women talk about sports or car repair or video games or swimsuit competitions? and "She's fatter than me right?" doesn't count.

So only poofs talk about clothes?

/smacks Picasso round head with a huge rubber dildo...

**Gaffer** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:57 AM

Originally posted by Flustor
Not bad.. I donate unto you the title of honourery girl.

*cr@p game show host voice*
Yes Gaffer, you too can be a girl for the day at the luxurious transvestite clubs around London.
Bask in the glowering looks of old men as they eye you up, after a wonderful beautification palace waxes you from head to toe.

he he he

ooooo, if only you knew!

**Flustor** · May 22nd, 2002, 10:59 AM

Originally posted by JPicasso
Why don't chi... women talk about sports or car repair or video games or swimsuit competitions? and "She's fatter than me right?" doesn't count.

..but I DO talk about those things (ok, not the sports or car repair...

)
plus I even chat about Buffy and comment about how good it is that Willow's a lesbian (we all are at heart

)

**Flustor** · May 22nd, 2002, 11:01 AM

... I even use the term chicks! I find it funny and kind of cute.

ooooo, if only you knew!

do tell

**JPicasso** · May 22nd, 2002, 11:27 AM

Originally posted by Gaffer

So only poofs talk about clothes?

/smacks Picasso round head with a huge rubber dildo...

..as much as I do like getting smaked on the head with "huge" rubber dildos...
My only comment was that I'm not a poof and unless I was,
I'm not interested in talking about clothes.

I meant not that Other men couldn't talk about clothes... even other non-poof men.

but the conversation should be centered on how much cleavage that chicks clothes show.

IMAHO

**Pix** · May 22nd, 2002, 11:54 AM

Originally posted by Gaffer
Ah, trick question I'd say a pair of Vintage Levis are the best (or distressed Reply jeans as an alternative).

If it was a skirt, I reckon possibly asymetrical (but that's a bit dated now); naw, jeans are the best with this - and a pair of Original Nike Air Rifts (blue and yellow, non of this leather crap)

NEXT!!!

Fellers, I'm only slightly fey

Yay jeans and trainers

I like your way of thinking

Jethro · May 23rd, 2002, 02:59 AM

Originally posted by Flustor
Why can't men...

Volenteer to do the washing up?

I generally find the paper plates go soggy in the water

Make nice snacks for visitors? (involving other than alcoholic snacks)

Now just hang about there missy, generally rip the top off a packet of chips and throw it on the table

Wash their hands after going pee pee? (I hear this is true )

Er ... men kind of have this implement to er ... pee pee away from them

Talk about clothes? (surely they wear them too?)

Cause it would take time out from the footie ... besides how many meanful conversations can you have about jeans for gods sake.... l'll just ask my wife, when l can get her off the phone..

Trim nasal hair after the age of 40?

Nasal hair????? Er ... that's not like a bikini line or something is it..

**Flustor** · May 23rd, 2002, 03:14 AM

Volenteer to do the washing up?

I generally find the paper plates go soggy in the water

Make nice snacks for visitors? (involving other than alcoholic snacks)

Now just hang about there missy, generally rip the top off a packet of chips and throw it on the table

no bowl? no alternative snacks? no little dip?

Wash their hands after going pee pee? (I hear this is true )

Er ... men kind of have this implement to er ... pee pee away from them

the trouser snake's still gotta be dirty (no matter how much you polish it

)

Talk about clothes? (surely they wear them too?)

Cause it would take time out from the footie ... besides how many meanful conversations can you have about jeans for gods sake.... l'll just ask my wife, when l can get her off the phone..

chat lines again?

Trim nasal hair after the age of 40?

Nasal hair????? Er ... that's not like a bikini line or something is it..

exactly the same... an important hole with hair all over the place

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