Right.

So. I got php_mysql.dll from the mysql.com website and put it where extensions_dir says it should be, which is C:\PHP\extensions

Good.

Then, I looked in php.ini and uncommented

extension=php_mysql.dll

Good.

Didn't work. So I did what several other hapless individuals across the internet faced with this problem did. I copied php_mysql.dll and libmysql.dll over to C:\windows, c:\windows\system32 and c:\php.

Obviously, no go. So what am I missing now?