Listening is like plugging a phone into the line so it can accept calls. Until you "pick up" the handset your phone is in "server mode."

Connecting to a server is a bit like dialing the telephone. You'd need to "pick up" first (close the listening socket) before you can "dial" (make a connection request).

If you dial a phone that is not listening then you get a busy or out of service signal back.

There is no magic. You can't pick up the phone without dialing and expect the phone to know who to call.