I suspect I am in the process of becoming a sociopath. I find that the worse the taste of the joke is, the funnier I find it, and last night I dreamt I was kicking the sh*t out of someone. Maybe more than one person, I don't remember exactly. I never used to have dreams like that, I would instead find myself unable to move properly if I dreamt of a violent confrontation, like I was walking through treacle. It's only in the past 6 months or so that I've had dreams like that. I have little respect for most of the people on my course, many of them seem to be in some kind of mutual appreciation society, where they make crap jokes and think its funny because everyone is laughing at each other's crap jokes so they feel like they fit in. I have a fair few friends from my course, but most of them I don't take any notice of. Most of them seem like a right vanfull (this is a slang term that has come into use by some of my friends and I, from the song 'Van Full of Retards' by the band 'Anal C*nt' in case you didn't know). Any time a lecturer mentions some kind of assignment involving programming they all whine because they don't like it. What the f*** did they expect on a computing course? Were they about to sign up for 'BA Professional F***ing Retard' but they slipped and picked computing by accident? The programming isn't even remotely complicated. The other day the lecturer in out only programming-related module this semester, 'Algorithms & Data Structures', spent an hour explaining what recursion was. He had spend the previous two hours of lectures explaining what linked lists were. Why? We are halfway through the second year of a computing degree, shouldn't we know already? If not, should we really need so much time explaining it? I could stand it taking so long but people still complain that they don't understand. This A & DS module isn't even going to involve any programming, it's all theory based. Why? It's a computing course, surely programming is a big part of what you should be learning? Theory's all very well, learning concepts and all, but you don't really understand the implications if you don't implement it, and then debug it when you find you didn't understand properly after all.

I realised last year that if I relied on the degree course for my programming education I was going to be sorely under-educated when I finished the degree, so I learn at home out of books. I find it incredibly frustrating that programming is such an under-valued skill on this course. I wish I had done something more programming based, I am now only here because I may as well finish the degree since I only have another 3 semesters til I graduate. No point in switching now. I want to get a placement job that will teach me some valuable programming skills but all the employers seem to expect retard-level programming competance and I can't really prove any different since we don't do any programming to speak of that would prove my ability. And I do believe I am capable. No genius, but more that capable.

I am still bitter and twisted about my ex, although I'm glad she's out of the picture now. But of course she's not because she lives in my home town after dropping out of uni, and she blames me for dragging her along to do a course which she didn't like and wasting a year of her life. For entirely different reasons, I don't speak to her any more, and I am always aware that she could appear around a corner if I'm at home, and it really bothers me that she's not as out of my life as I want (not that I'm going to 'get rid' of her or anything, I'm not that bitter). I have become totally apathetic about relationships, I am not really interested, I just want to get my degree and do well, but then the course I'm on sucks hairy monkey nuts too. My chances of getting a decent work placement next year are further hampered by the fact my marks last year were terrible due to the parting difficulties of the relationship I had, and my addiction to a certain online computer game which kept me up all night and cost me more in phone bills than I spent on food. At least I lost weight.

I often hear Dennis, among others, talk about how the world is getting f***ed up the ass due to human laziness, and I just expect nothing different. I don't really care about it either. It's just inevitable, and unless someone really smart figures out a way to compensate for the way the greedy general population is ruining the planet, it's just gonna self-destruct. I expect we'll all be dead by then though, so why should we care? That's the attitude I perceive when I hear people's opinions. Environmental concerns don't win elections for example - tax cuts win elections. People treat this planet like a cheap hooker, and don't care so long as the hole in the ozone layer is over some other poor bastard and they get to carry on stuffing their face with hormone-and-antibiotics-injected beefburgers. I was watching that speech thing that the moron formerly known as Bush, now President Bush was making and what parts of his speech got cheers? I noticed 2 things - tax cuts and defense. Greed and megalomania. What worthy causes they are.

Gah, I could go on but I expect you're sick of reading already, if you got to this point. I'm gonna go to bed in a minute. Wish me sweet dreams.