The first time I've had to sign on after six years of continuous employment and they turn round and tell me that I haven't payed enough national insurance to qualify!

They're a bunch of useless, good for nothing twats. The one time when I fall back on the welfare system to help me through a patch of unexpected unemployment and they can't help.

All for a lousy £50 a week anyway, I don't know why I bothered. I've bloody earned that filling out the sheer number of forms they gave me!

I'm gonna go down there right now and shove in their face my pay slips and demand to know what their problem is.