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Thread: Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers!

  1. May 28th, 2001, 09:28 AM #1
    Jotaf98
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    Talking Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers!

    (NOTE: If you don't understand one, read it again. Some of them are a bit hard to figure out )

    Illiterate? Write today for free help.

    Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once,
    you'll never go anywhere again.

    Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

    Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals,
    and smacks included.

    Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

    Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to
    travel.

    Stock up and save. Limit: one.

    Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

    3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

    Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
    efficient beating.

    Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue
    Cross and salary.

    Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children
    $2.00

    For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
    large drawers.

    Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra
    pair to take home too.

    We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully
    by hand.

    For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.

    Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful
    condition.

    Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.
    Zap does the job in 24 hours.

    Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
    Automatically burns toast.

    For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Man, honest. Will take
    anything.

    Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

    Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

    Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

    Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

    Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

    Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to
    assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of
    contributing to growth of family.

    And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
    unrivaled inconvenience.

    We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home.
    Code:
    Temp = Me.GetIQ()
'Error 9: Overflow
'DON'T PANIC! :eek:

    To learn how to use realistic effects in your games like fire, rain, snow and magic effects, read my article on particles systems here.


    Jotaf's Theories!
    "Cats land on their feet. Toast lands peanut butter side down. A cat with toast strapped to its back will hover above the ground in a state of quantum indecision."
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  2. May 28th, 2001, 04:23 PM #2
    ricmitch_uk
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    Re: Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers!

    Originally posted by Jotaf98

    Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

    For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
    large drawers.

    We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully
    by hand.

    For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.

    Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful
    condition.

    For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Man, honest. Will take
    anything.

    Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

    Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to
    assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of
    contributing to growth of family.
    There we go. All the really dirty ones sorted out for the likes of Dennis and Parksie.

    Those KA.
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  3. May 29th, 2001, 02:08 PM #3
    Jotaf98
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    Yeah well I don't have any personal favorites they're all cool

    That one was taken from FunnyMail.com (where credit is due... )
    Code:
    Temp = Me.GetIQ()
'Error 9: Overflow
'DON'T PANIC! :eek:

    To learn how to use realistic effects in your games like fire, rain, snow and magic effects, read my article on particles systems here.


    Jotaf's Theories!
    "Cats land on their feet. Toast lands peanut butter side down. A cat with toast strapped to its back will hover above the ground in a state of quantum indecision."
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
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