Insanity down under

Jethro · Apr 4th, 2001, 09:18 PM

1. Currently debating whether we should switch to the US dollar. Now l ain't an economist but l don't see how this can just happen. Surely the US would have to argree, and then ship out a few container ships fulled with currency.

2. The Sydney Kings bet the Crocs in game 1 of the playoffs after getting hammered by these guys all season

3. A US aircraft carrier arrives in Sydney Harbour and we still haven't managed to kidnap all the crew and claim it collide with an OZ warship in our waters

4.Our Treasurer claims that consumer confidence is up because of a 1.8% increase in retail revenues, and no one points out to him that inflation is running at 3% therefore there is a net decrease in actual purchases

5. Neither Jethro or Beacon make the Cleo 50 most eligable Bacholar list.

6. The Hurricanes bet the Brumbles on Friday night

Ok l might have dreamt that last one.

:

**Microbasic** · Apr 4th, 2001, 09:32 PM

You need this!

Stop. Think about everything.

Now clap your hands. Feel happy. Feel sad.

Get rid of your emotions...

***************************************

Feelings?
***************************************

Now watch the spirals...

Think...

Do you feel clear, or dizzy? If I predicted what you will feel, then it's good for you!

Hee hee. I am evil in good, good in evil. Wahahahahoohoohoohoohoohoo.

Jethro · Apr 4th, 2001, 09:44 PM

The sixties sure were good for you.You Freak Hey this is new

**Beacon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 12:49 AM

I know why we didn't get picked for bachelor of the year!
Because the editor of cleo's a POM!!
And certain threads didn't go down to well!!

Maybe if we quit programming and train friggin dolphins!
Who should not be held captive anyway!
I could train my dog to do flips and it already can shake hands train your dolphin to do that ha!

They better not ship out some currency they either crash into a fishing boat or another warship!!!

Ahh the crocs will beat em. Look at perth done by wollongong in o.t although perth werre short 2 starting guards!

Jethro · Apr 5th, 2001, 02:31 AM

Ya gotta love that.....

**Ianpbaker** · Apr 5th, 2001, 02:39 AM

yeah, yeah. blame us, that will make a change. is there any country other than america that actually like us ?

**Jamagei** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:14 AM

the americans like us!?!..... oh yeah i suppose we are not a threat. or a loyal dog or something to them.

Originally posted by Ianpbaker
yeah, yeah. blame us, that will make a change. is there any country other than america that actually like us ?

Malta, the Maltese like us. I know this. I have been there. Scary people. You know that sad joke,
Q. How do you make a maltese cross?
A. You stamp on his foot

well you know it wouldn't work. if you ever see a pissed of maltese person then well, he ain't a native. they are bloody nuts over there. Driving skills are scary and the lines on the raod are for guidelines only it would appear. But at the heart of it they are nice people. But other than them, i don't know of another country that likes us.

(and i am sure it is the friggin french who are causing all the recent agricultural mishaps, bastards are sneeking over and infecting our live stock, trying to make us reliant on the EU. Well F(*ck)U that's what i say

)

anyway i'm done. Cheers lads......... for listening

**simonm** · Apr 5th, 2001, 11:46 AM

Surely you're not suggesting that Australia would take the American dollar? You lot never cease to amaze me.

You talk about ditching the queen one minute then talk about adopting the American currency the next!

What are you lot on?

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 12:20 PM

Originally posted by Jamagei
But other than them, i don't know of another country that likes us.

Canada loves us. People keep coming up to me and saying. "I'm Scottish, my grand father immigrated from Glasgow in 1922. His name was John Smith, do you know him?"

I don't usually have the heart to point out that

a) They are in fact Canadian

b) There are a couple of million people in Glasgow
c) He left the country sixty odd years before I was born
and
d) I don't give a flying ...... I know lots of Scottish people already. And if I want to meet more I can just pick up the Glasgow or Edinburgh phone book and call people at random. That has their addresses and everything in there.

Actually it's kind of a laugh. But Yeah, Canada loves Britain. I didn't think the yanks liked us very much. I mean, they killed more British troops than the Iraqi's did during the gulf war!

Cheers,

SD

**barrk** · Apr 5th, 2001, 01:05 PM

Are you kidding.??...we love all things European...most of our families came from there! I love your humor, your scenery is amazing....your cars are a little goofy though

From what I've read in these forums you don't hold the same views about us though.

I had no idea the world hated us as much as they do....what a total waste of energy against people who hold no animosity towards you....but that's your prerogative.

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:00 PM

Shucks! We don't hate you!

We just like slagging you off. You gotta admit, you would laugh at another country if they provided you with such priceless oportunities for humour as:-
Ronald Reagen
Bush Jr
Clinton
Dan Quayle

And thats just the leaders (apart from Danny).

Other oportunities for mirth include

Heavily armed population (bet your regretting that one!)

A huge number of readily available stereo types ( billy-bob and jeb! etc.)

Rewriting history (U-571 for one, in fact any WW2 film)

Judges who are voted in.... but can accept money from
corporations for their campaigns.. mmm. can anyone say conflict of interest

Huge law suits.

Brainwashing (The belief that you live in the best democracy in the world, despite laws forbidding true expression)(oh Yeah, and refering to your leader as "The leader of the free world", that always gets a giggle from the rest of us democracies. I don't remember voting for him!)

Hatred of anything communist.

But there are also lots of great things about America:

Space Shuttle is a good example (& Hubble, very impressive)

Nice cars/trucks

Great scenery

Good movies (when not re-writing history so that America won the war)

Dare I say VB?

Nice people (like yourself).

Americans as individuals are very nice (I worked in Boston for 3 months and it was good fun). But as a nation you do some hillarious things.

We just like slagging you off. Beleive me when you get a group of Scots and English in pub they will spend the evening slagging each other, and have a great time.

It's the way our humour works.
For example: I broke both arms the other week. Sent an e-mail back home telling every one. Do you think I got one sympathetic response. Nope. They all e-mailed me back asking for photo's and laughing. Thats the way it works. I'd do the same to them!

So don't worry, we're just having a laugh

Cheers,

SD

**barrk** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:11 PM

I understand 100% as I think you'll see from my previous posts.....I like to laugh at America right along with the best of you....however, laughing at and scorning are two completely different things....and I am intelligent enough to know the difference even if I am an American.

I took no offense to your comments SD....you seem to get the difference completely!

**parksie** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:17 PM

On the other hand, I actively insult and scorn EVERYONE that I don't like, which includes America, England, Scotland, Wales (shudder), and any country that wants to pick a fight

**barrk** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:21 PM

Ah yes....but you do it with a cheesy smile so that's okay Parksie....besides you are the only one I know who is quite as twisted and perverted as my husband so you are on my "good" list no matter what!

**parksie** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:25 PM

are the only one I know who is quite as twisted and perverted as my husband

If he's like that too then I really want to meet your kids!

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:25 PM

Besides, economically America is doing very well at present, and people always hate to see others succeed. It's sad, but I guess thats human nature for you!

If you want we can give France a good slagging! (I would pick on England, but I'm heavily outnumbered in this forum, and I strongly suspect that I'd come off worse).

Actually I kind of liked Clinton. Sure he couldn't keep his handas to himself, but at least he was somebody you could present to the rest of the world. oh, god, I miss Reagan though, with his "bombing starts in 5 minutes" gaffs. As a famous scottish comic once said.

"President Reagan is 79 years old and he has his finger on the atomic button. My fathers only 65 and we don't trust him with the remote control to the telly!!!"
-Billy Connolly

Cheers,

SD

**parksie** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:35 PM

If you want we can give France a good slagging! (I would pick on England, but I'm heavily outnumbered in this forum, and I strongly suspect that I'd come off worse).

You would indeed

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:44 PM

Yes! We have a shameful past.

Dare I mention the Bay City Rollers

, the Krankies, Deep fried Mars bars in Batter, Haggis, Tartan anything (tammies, trousers etc.), Ginger haired people

(though Ireland has to take half the blame for that as well), Copper wire (two Scotsmen fighting over a penny).

Need I say more.

On the plus side we do lead the world in some areas. Glasgow officially has the highest heart attack ratio in the world (prbably due to the aforementioned Deep fried Mars bars).

Mind you, at least Beckham isn't ours

SD

**barrk** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:48 PM

Originally posted by parksie
If he's like that too then I really want to meet your kids!

they're great kids! they have twisted senses of humor but keep the perversion down when I'm around...who knows what they're like around their friends.....

**parksie** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:50 PM

Just to scare you...I could be your son and I've picked up a random photo of somebody...

**Ianpbaker** · Apr 5th, 2001, 03:57 PM

Originally posted by parksie
Just to scare you...I could be your son and I've picked up a random photo of somebody...

Sorry Mike, don't buy that, anyone with with your twisted mind, has to be brittish

**parksie** · Apr 5th, 2001, 04:02 PM

Bugger...foiled again *mutter*

**barrk** · Apr 5th, 2001, 04:03 PM

That is a very scary thought Parksie!!!!!! You are an awful lot like my oldest.....except he's a little moodier than you

**parksie** · Apr 5th, 2001, 04:11 PM

I'm moody as well...permanent good mood!

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 04:11 PM

Okay, given your date of birth, you could technically be my son though???

Ask your mum if she used to hang out in Paris's night club in Paisley, used to drink vodka tonic and ever had a scorching case of crabs.

**barrk** · Apr 5th, 2001, 04:14 PM

Parksie is younger than my oldest son but I'm sure I would have remembered having an affair with Oswald so he can't be mine!

**parksie** · Apr 5th, 2001, 04:14 PM

Leave Oswald out of this

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 04:15 PM

If it is her, tell her I've still got her knickers

Infact I was wearing them the other day.... whoops, wheres the edit button?

**Beacon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 07:52 PM

SurfDemon:

Good choice to bag the poms too much. You get the **** torn outta you.

Does anyone know where i can get deep fried mars bars from down here in Oz?
Used to be a place round the corner but the owners changed!
Can i do it myself?

Simonm:
Thats one thing i hate about australia is that it's following america too much! Agree Jethro?
American TV, American Food etc etc.
But i'm sure were just taking the best parts of every culture!

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 08:10 PM

I'm not much of a chef (actually I'm not anything of a chef), but can you just roll the mars bar in bread crumbs and flour, and then drop it (maybe "lower" is a safer expression) into a deep fat frier?

I have no idea for how long. Maybe we should all experiment this weekend and see what we come up with?

SD

**HarryW** · Apr 5th, 2001, 08:18 PM

I was pretty sure there's meant to be batter involved, not just breadcrumbs. I've never actually so much as set eyes on a deep fried mars bar though, so I could be wrong

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 08:24 PM

I always thought batter was made of flour and bread crumbs, but then again I have no proof of this dtheory, so I'm very probably wrong!

SD

**Beacon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 08:28 PM

Well! You've all had deep fried icecream right?
You know big scoop of icecream rolled in egg, flour and breadcrumbs! The put in freezer then back in deep frier!

Well Deep Fried Mars Bars should be the same i suppose?
Except i don't have a deep frier to try it in.

SD you were almost right missed out egg, i think anyway!

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 08:33 PM

Never heard of deep fried ice-cream, I suppose I'll try that as well.

My wife's going to be really suspicious though when we go shopping on Saturday and I buy her a deep fat frier. Good idea though, it's her burthday next week. I could pretend it's her present. Women love kitchen utensils for birthday presents. (along with beer, Mad Max videos and pizza).

What can I say, I'm just an incurable romantic at heart.

SD

**Beacon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 08:38 PM

Deep fried icecream is the shiznit!

Yeah try putting beer in the batter for both like in fish and chips. You can get drunk and overweight all at once...

**SurfDemon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 08:50 PM

Wow! Now that is what I call a great idea!

Thanks,

SD

Jethro · Apr 5th, 2001, 09:23 PM

There was a Scottish movie revolving around deep fried ice cream, cannot remember the name...wasn't Restless Natives though....love that movie.

Beacon

Yeap it's getting real strange here with the uptake of seppo culture. At least we don't play that friggin stupid American Football game.

Surfdemon

Give the Poms heaps, they love it. Note: Poms does not include Welsh *shudder*, Scottish, or Irish.

katie

Everyone loves to bag the USA....l mean a whole country that comes across as a land fill of gun toting hillbilly weirdos. Just love that.

**Beacon** · Apr 5th, 2001, 11:55 PM

Do americans play footie as well!

**** it's really taking off first i hear earlier this week Englands Playing it now America.

Beats that crapy game gridiron though!
Maybe instead of throwing an pointy ball(which mind you looks very similar to our football) they could through deep fried marsbars covered in beer batter!!

then we'll start playing! maybe.

Jethro · Apr 6th, 2001, 01:38 AM

I think the rules might confuse them

Plus the game doesn't stop every 5 minutes. Another great win predicted for the Swans this weekend....mind you l tend to predict that every week

That Bush guy looks like he has had a deep fried mars bar stuck up his date.

anoop007 · Apr 6th, 2001, 07:10 AM

Originally posted by simonm

Katie,

I think the world has a love/hate relationship with America. We love the films, music (some of it) etc. but we resent the gradule erosion of our own cultures where everything becomes artifical and commercial.

spot on!!

Thread: Insanity down under

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Hmmm...Microbasic

I now why....

Ok another thing to blame on the poms

You're joking!

But hey!

Hmmmm...................

Hmmm....Beacon

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