Hamsters in Space

[Suzzi]

Let's get back to the hamster discussion.

*Split off from the Foley thread*

We don't just use any old hamster. We have to audition them. Mainly this involves sticking them into a big hamster wheel that has been adapted to work as a 5g centrifuge.

Those that manage to hang on, are considered to have the "right stuff" for the job.

Those that don't hang on don't miss out on the fun though (well, apart from the one's that lassie the lab dog manages to snatch out of mid-air... she's pretty quick, and has been practicing a lot with a frisbee lately).

Anyway, the one's who fail don't get left out though, as one of our staff members is an amateur rocketeer.

[Shaggy Hiker]

This is the sickest, most twisted, and funniest thing you've posted yet. However, how is it that a hamster has to 'hang on' in a centrifuge, are they on the outside of the wheel?

My sister had a mouse when she was younger. One time she was spinning it in its wheel, but gently, so that it just barely made a revolution. I gave it a try, but misjudged the force a bit. After about five laps as a gray blurr, the mouse exited the wheel at a good rate of speed. The rising trajectory of the ballistic rodent was interuppeted by the side of the cage. I actually hadn't meant to do that, but I was puzzled as to how the mouse managed to get out of the wheel.

[crptcblade]

*Split off from the Foley thread*

We don't just use any old hamster. We have to audition them. Mainly this involves sticking them into a big hamster wheel that has been adapted to work as a 5g centrifuge.

Those that manage to hang on, are considered to have the "right stuff" for the job.

Those that don't hang on don't miss out on the fun though (well, apart from the one's that lassie the lab dog manages to snatch out of mid-air... she's pretty quick, and has been practicing a lot with a frisbee lately).

Anyway, the one's who fail don't get left out though, as one of our staff members is an amateur rocketeer.

Oh princess fair...Wouldst thou grant me thine dainty hoof in marriage?

(at this point you should be swooning, and maybe even vomitting a little)

[Shaggy Hiker]

Do you take bets on the 'auditioning'? Sell popcorn? Tickets? How many do you audition before your sides hurt too much from laughing? In theory I'm opposed to this, but the thought of it makes me laugh.

[NotLKH]

I hear some of your colleagues are doing some private research into the practical applications of the slingshot effect.

I'm sure you could donate the "dropout" hamsters to their research.

[Suzzi]

I hear some of your colleagues are doing some private research into the practical applications of the slingshot effect.

Is that some sort of drinking contest? If so, I'm not so sure it would be a good match for us. Most of our lab animals have trouble enough coming up with the money for their smokes, I wouldn't want to give them another vice.

[NotLKH]

Perhaps then your program could benefit if you branched out and use GIANT SPACE HAMSTERS???

[zaza]

Do you work for these people, by any chance?

[grilkip]

Oh princess fair...Wouldst thou grant me thine dainty hoof in marriage?

(at this point you should be swooning, and maybe even vomitting a little)

I'll add a futon.

[Suzzi]

Perhaps then your program could benefit if you branched out and use GIANT SPACE HAMSTERS???

Now they would be really handy, but we'd have to buy bigger crash helmets for them as I'm sure the current one's won't fit!

This would also solve a current problem we have with bobsleigh testing. You would not believe how many normal size hamsters you have to squish into a bobsleigh to make up the weight of a 4 man olympic team.....

[Suzzi]

I'll add a futon.

Futon? Isn't that what Captain Kirk used to fire at the klingons?