Is society to blame?

[HarryW]

I suspect I am in the process of becoming a sociopath. I find that the worse the taste of the joke is, the funnier I find it, and last night I dreamt I was kicking the sh*t out of someone. Maybe more than one person, I don't remember exactly. I never used to have dreams like that, I would instead find myself unable to move properly if I dreamt of a violent confrontation, like I was walking through treacle. It's only in the past 6 months or so that I've had dreams like that. I have little respect for most of the people on my course, many of them seem to be in some kind of mutual appreciation society, where they make crap jokes and think its funny because everyone is laughing at each other's crap jokes so they feel like they fit in. I have a fair few friends from my course, but most of them I don't take any notice of. Most of them seem like a right vanfull (this is a slang term that has come into use by some of my friends and I, from the song 'Van Full of Retards' by the band 'Anal C*nt' in case you didn't know). Any time a lecturer mentions some kind of assignment involving programming they all whine because they don't like it. What the f*** did they expect on a computing course? Were they about to sign up for 'BA Professional F***ing Retard' but they slipped and picked computing by accident? The programming isn't even remotely complicated. The other day the lecturer in out only programming-related module this semester, 'Algorithms & Data Structures', spent an hour explaining what recursion was. He had spend the previous two hours of lectures explaining what linked lists were. Why? We are halfway through the second year of a computing degree, shouldn't we know already? If not, should we really need so much time explaining it? I could stand it taking so long but people still complain that they don't understand. This A & DS module isn't even going to involve any programming, it's all theory based. Why? It's a computing course, surely programming is a big part of what you should be learning? Theory's all very well, learning concepts and all, but you don't really understand the implications if you don't implement it, and then debug it when you find you didn't understand properly after all.

I realised last year that if I relied on the degree course for my programming education I was going to be sorely under-educated when I finished the degree, so I learn at home out of books. I find it incredibly frustrating that programming is such an under-valued skill on this course. I wish I had done something more programming based, I am now only here because I may as well finish the degree since I only have another 3 semesters til I graduate. No point in switching now. I want to get a placement job that will teach me some valuable programming skills but all the employers seem to expect retard-level programming competance and I can't really prove any different since we don't do any programming to speak of that would prove my ability. And I do believe I am capable. No genius, but more that capable.

I am still bitter and twisted about my ex, although I'm glad she's out of the picture now. But of course she's not because she lives in my home town after dropping out of uni, and she blames me for dragging her along to do a course which she didn't like and wasting a year of her life. For entirely different reasons, I don't speak to her any more, and I am always aware that she could appear around a corner if I'm at home, and it really bothers me that she's not as out of my life as I want (not that I'm going to 'get rid' of her or anything, I'm not that bitter). I have become totally apathetic about relationships, I am not really interested, I just want to get my degree and do well, but then the course I'm on sucks hairy monkey nuts too. My chances of getting a decent work placement next year are further hampered by the fact my marks last year were terrible due to the parting difficulties of the relationship I had, and my addiction to a certain online computer game which kept me up all night and cost me more in phone bills than I spent on food. At least I lost weight.

I often hear Dennis, among others, talk about how the world is getting f***ed up the ass due to human laziness, and I just expect nothing different. I don't really care about it either. It's just inevitable, and unless someone really smart figures out a way to compensate for the way the greedy general population is ruining the planet, it's just gonna self-destruct. I expect we'll all be dead by then though, so why should we care? That's the attitude I perceive when I hear people's opinions. Environmental concerns don't win elections for example - tax cuts win elections. People treat this planet like a cheap hooker, and don't care so long as the hole in the ozone layer is over some other poor bastard and they get to carry on stuffing their face with hormone-and-antibiotics-injected beefburgers. I was watching that speech thing that the moron formerly known as Bush, now President Bush was making and what parts of his speech got cheers? I noticed 2 things - tax cuts and defense. Greed and megalomania. What worthy causes they are.

Gah, I could go on but I expect you're sick of reading already, if you got to this point. I'm gonna go to bed in a minute. Wish me sweet dreams.

[parksie]

Don't worry - no matter what you think...as far as I can tell from what you're saying it's a perfectly normal reaction to a manic situation.

1. Your ex is nearby - never good
2. This caused your work to suffer
3. So your work placement prospects are bad.

Connection between them...it's not your fault

[barrk]

I understand how you feel, Harry. I have the same concerns. All we can do is hope that there are enough people out there that feel they way we do and will not compromise what they believe for the almighty dollar(or pound). I think perhaps your dreams are changing because of your fear that society is turning so violent not that you are violent yourself. I often dream of things that scare me the most. Try to get some rest and hopefully things will look better tomorrow.

[HarryW]

The dreams though... I enjoy them.... I'm winning.

[barrk]

At least you're putting up a fight....not just getting the crap beat out of you. It sounds like you're letting real-life beat the crap out of your attitude. Don't let it.

You are a very intelligent and centered young man from what I've seen you post. Don't lose that!

[barrk]

It's easy to become dissillusioned...the hard part is not letting it happen! Keep your chin up!

[nukem996]

i think we'er all going insain. we live to work. are lives see volcence and sex every day. i admit i listen to KoRn, limp bizkit play games like Diablo II star craft, bad things like that, but it hasnt done any thing to me. but it affects diffrent people in diffrent ways. alot of people say to ban it and school are doing things like that, but i think we are going to far. i did a school project and it was really big, a program. my mom did the site www.haroldlehman.com it was sensored under "adult conduct" becuase it had art of nudes on it. its art whats to bad about it? volence has gone up, but if you take all the volence out of TV and games, what is thier? no one would play. ive heard that some school give out tests to see if tv is makeing u volent it all bs, they say ur aggresive if you answer yes to "will you grap this ballon out of my hands?" so i think that its mixed.

due to human laziness, and I just expect nothing different. I don't really care about it either.

I don't want it to happen, but I know it will... after 10 years of research, scientists have finally proven the theory of global warming..... in 50 years, beaches will be non-existant due to melting of the polar ice caps, and bangledesh is suspected to be completely gone along with other small countries along the coast and small islands....

this is the point, in which I do not care anymore.....

I used to care, used to get upset, but when I heard that, it just opened my eyes even more.... why worry about it, why ***** about it, I can't stop it, I can't stop people.. people will do what they want and when they want to do it. people are stupid, so stupid they will eventually cause the extinction of themselves along with every species on the planet earth.

I have reasons to beleive I am a misanthrope,
certain people, I like, but the majority, I couldn't give less of a **** if they all dropped dead right now...

Harry, I understand how you feel about your class... there are some DAMN ****ING STUPID PEOPLE in my computer class...... they have no clue what is going on, they get something wrong, they just laugh it off.. "I failed that test so much, hahahaha"...... "I don't know how to do this, hahahaha"....
PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!
there are some people in my school, that are too lazy to try and get the advanced diploma and be in the IB program......

it's not that hard, you just have to take an extra math and science course, but they think it's too much work, and would rather play.. sure I would rather play than work, but LIFE ISN'T LIKE THAT!! LIFE SUCKS!
they complain about having to do homework.... I'm going to laugh my ass off when I become a successful(hopefully) adult, and I go to burger king and see them working there...
I am just going to point and laugh, they wanted to play through their school years as everybody does, but they did play, and they ****ed up, now they are working in a fast food place and will for the majority of their life...

so, what am I getting to?

I don't know, these are just bitches and rants, no particular reason, just because they are built up inside of me.

and while I am bitching, lets move into another reason on why I am a misanthrope..

Well, people are stupid, raciest, prejudice, and stereotypical...

before I say another word, I admit I am prejudice, and raciest, I stereotype, there isn't a person in this world who isn't like this. I try to limit what I think to personal experiences, and not stuff that I see on TV or just what is common stereotype.
I also admit, I am not very thin.... I am "fat" if you wish...
but if I wasn't, this wouldn't change my perspective one bit.
People stereotype against overweight people, against me. I don't like it, of course I don't, but the people who do it are in a sadder state than I am, because they are stupid, they have no confidence in themselves, so they have to make assumptions and jokes towards me and other "minorities"(such as very skinny people, very dark people, very light people, very tall, very short, etc) to make themselves feel good, feel important, but overall it doesn't help them. It just changes their view of everybody and everything. Overwieght people are often thought of as perverted, stupid people. If you think about it, everybody is perverted in some way. And the stupid bit is what I don't like, people are so very surprised when they realize I am as intelligent as I am...

and why should they be surprised?

because they make bad horrible stereotypes that I am stupid because I don't take care of my weight. I have an IQ of approximetly 174, and the majority of the people in the world are less than 120. Now, I am not trying to brag, but it shows that stereotype is very wrong, and not very thought through.

and I try to take care of my weight, I happened to have surgery on my feet when I was 11 years of age. and I couldn't walk, or excersize, or do anything at all.. I could watch TV, go on the Computer, piss, ****, and finally, eat.
and that was what was in my daily schedule....

it was like that for an entire year, and it has been hard to control my weight since then. but getting back to the subject of this rant... people are stupid, stereotyping is horrible, they make false assumptions, and are surprised when they are proved false....

raciesm is a completely different topic, and I won't get into it very much, but the "white" race, is thought of as the most raciest. but it's not true, everyday I see hispanics and african americans be raciest against "white" people, just because of the past, or hearsay.

Prejudice is nearly the same thing, but covers a more broad range of topics... prejudice against overweight people, overly skinny people, etc.. none of it is good...... yet people do it all the time... can't they distinguish against right and wrong?

don't they have certains morals and values they have to keep up to?

hating a certain peoples because of there shape, size or color, is just not right, perhaps disliking a person for their personality is wrong too, but it's a hell of a lot better excuse then for looks, because you know this person, you know how they think, and you know how they act or will act.

you should never dislike anybody, but rather everybody, if you dislike one person, why not everybody, all of the people you don't know could have the same thoughts as this particular person you don't like.

Most people don't see anything wrong with the human race, they call us civilized.

Wars, murder, prison, competition, this is civilized, yet what a wolf does isn't?

a wolf kills for food, it needs food, it will die without it, a wolf kills solely to eat. People kill for fun, to settle a dispute or anything that could be thought of as justified.

killing to settle any kind of argument, is stupid, you are murdering a person, or perhaps a group of people(war), because you don't agree with them.

The United States Military, is allowed to go over to Iraq and kill people, if they feel it is justified, but even if I think it is justified, I cannot go next door and kill him.

Not that I would want to, but if I did, I would be charged for murder, but the military gets away with it, why? I can't think of a reason. Maybe because they are fighting "for the united states"... still, it doesn't make sense, if my next door neighbor was an anarchist, planning to overthrow the government with a group of paramilitary mercanaries, and I killed my neighbor, although I was fighting "for the US", I would still be charged for murdering an "innocent" person... what gives the military such special power?

goddamnit I am getting sick of people.... there are a few people in which I do not mind being around, or talking to, but everybody else, can go to hell as far as I am concerned........

Although, this may not sound feasible to some people, but always assume the worst... assume people are bad, assume something bad is going to happen.... if something good happens, YAY! but if something bad happens, at least you are prepared for the worst, or something close.

This partially falls into the stereotyping catagory. But it's not really stereotyping, because it's everybody, not just one groups of peoples. If you don't agree with me, well fine, I don't really care, and I can understand why, I am talking such bull**** right now...

I'm sorry everybody for this VERY long post... I am just a little upset and had to get that out.....

Harry, you're a smart guy, I've picked that up from your posts. I screwed my second year of uni really badly, failed 6 out of 8 courses 'cos my father died at the start of the academic year. The faculty tried to kick me out for inadequate academic progress, what would they know? I went on to win my course prize and got High Distinction for my final year project. The entire teaching staff of the faculty turned up to my prize presentation just to see it was really me who won the thing.

I've got a great job with playing excellent leading edge technology and great prospects now 'cos of me and no-one else. I got a Microsoft certification recently, that was good too, who do i have to thank? Me! I look at my qualifications and where I am know and as my ex says "You get a really self satisfied smirky smug look about you" Well screw her. Cool, I deserve it and so do you. I'm better off without the ***** anyway. She only looked at me for my earning potential. There are heaps more chicks out there and most of them are pretty good.

Things will get better. Put your head down and tail up and make the most of what your uni does offer you.

Be the best you can!