how to make a cat defy gravity

[V(ery) Basic]

We staple a piece of buttered toast to the top (back) of the cat and superglue a piece of buttered toast, butter side up, to the bottom (underside) of the cat, a figure of which I have outlined in diagram A:

Dia. A


~~~
===
___
cat
___
~~~
===

= represents toast
~ represents butter
_ represents cat's skin


Following the Polanski-Bergman conjecture we establish the toast cannot land butter side down, however the cat cannot land tits up, therefore

1) fish suppers will not be served during the hours 4pm til 6pm on Sundays.

2) polling booths will temporarily smell of parsnips

4) mango chutney will only be consumed hanging upside down from an umbrella in Swindon

7) the cat, preferably a black cat, will eat the toast as it plummets to the ground, thereby removing the distinction between butter side down and butter side up

3) upon landing, the cat shall regurgitate the toast, which will naturally reform into normal pieces of uncooked sliced bread and thick buttermilk.

472) I love you

8) The cat suffers from post-traumatic shock, and has to be rushed to a cinema, currently showing 100 Things You Always Wanted To Know About Walnuts, But Never Dared Ask.

12) The toast sprouts legs and ambles its way down the road, stopping off to apply for a job vacancy in the local off-licence.

13) The buttermilk separates into butter and milk and goes to Broadway as a successful double-act.

6) Do you love me?

-3) The cat dies after an overdose of raisins, and the butter and milk and toast attend its funeral.

91) They all die

92) Time ends

[barrk]

Thank you for that brilliant analysis. The Albert Einstein Award for Scientific Excellence is winding it's way to you even as I type. Please treat it kindly as it must be given to j4u after his indepth study on the existence of God is reviewed and give the stamp of approval by the pope.

[V(ery) Basic]

Aww, but why does j4u have to steal it from me? Mummy said that award was mine. Unfair, unfair.

[barrk]

the pope out trumped Mummy....

[gravyboy]

Douglas Adams lives in you all!!!!!

[barrk]

I consider that a compliment, Matt! Thank you very much!

[V(ery) Basic]

Originally posted by barrk
I consider that a compliment, Matt! Thank you very much!

Yeah, what she said.

[Jim Brown]

Originally posted by barrk
the pope out trumped Mummy....

But not for long. Messrs Smith & Wesson outtrump even the Pope.