Post Race!

[barrk]

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

[barrk]

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

[barrk]

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

[barrk]

Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

[barrk]

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

[barrk]

Glibido: All talk and no action.

[barrk]

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

[barrk]

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

[barrk]

Okay...your turn!

[parksie]

Coming right up...

[parksie]

It's not pretty being easy.

[parksie]

One of the regular foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in.
He was good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the
following Sunday.
"9:30 okay?"
"Fine," George said, "but I may be a few minutes late."
The following Sunday George showed up right on time. Not only that, he played
left-handed and beat them. They agreed to meet the following Sunday morning.
George was eager to come, but again, mentioned that he might be a few minutes
late. The next Sunday there was George, punctual to the dot. This time he
played right-handed and beat them again.
"You on for next Sunday, George?" one of the foursome asked.
"Sure," George replied, "but I might be a few..."
Another golfer jumped in. "Wait a minute... You always say you might
be late, but you're always right on time, and you always win, left-handed
*or* right-handed."
"Well," George replied, rather sheepishly, "that's true, but see, I'm
superstitious. If my wife is sleeping on her right, when I wake up, I play
right handed. If she's sleeping on her left side, I play left handed."
"What if she's lying on her back?"
George said, "That's when I'm late."

[parksie]

The reason that sex is so popular is that it's centrally located.

[parksie]

Get your bytes from our backend!
-- Britton Lee

[parksie]

Sodomy is a pain in the ass.

[parksie]

small, adj.:
Is it in yet?

[parksie]

Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
-- Mae West

[parksie]

spinster, n.:
A bachelor's wife.

[parksie]

A hunter saved a native boy from a boa constrictor. In gratitude, the boy gave
the hunter a magic gorilla *****. The lad said the ***** would do anything you
told it to do until you told it to do something else. When the hunter returned
home to England, he put the magic gorilla ***** on the mantle along with some
of his other trophies. His wife thought it quaint and his story charming. But
soon, the hunter went a-safariing again. He was away for months. One evening,
the woman eyed the MGP carefully and whispered, "Gorilla *****, **** me."
Whereupon the thing jumped off the mantle and began to bang her with great
thoroughness and ferocity. For the first twenty minutes it was pure heaven,
but after the next few minutes it became fatiguing, and she said, "Stop it,
Gorilla *****," but it didn't. After a bit more she was screaming "Stop!
Stop!" at the thing and trying to pull it out of her smoking hole. But nothing
worked. Finally, the butler bursts into the room, summoned by her screams.
"Saunders, help me please!"
"But what is it, Madame?"
"It's a Magic Gorilla *****!"
"Gorilla *****, my ass!! ... AAAaaeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiii!!!!!!"

[parksie]

We've all heard about the woman who married a Field Service engineer but
divorced him after one day because he'd done nothing on their wedding night
but promise to have it up in 15 minutes. What few people realize is that the
poor man was in the bathroom all night, masturbating furiously, muttering
"I just don't understand, it passes all the diagnostics!"

[parksie]

Fortune understands that the vote on a bill to legalize bisexuality
could go either way.

[parksie]

Mathematicians do it with a small, imaginary part.

[parksie]

impotent loser, n.:
Someone who can't even get his hopes up.

[parksie]

There's more than one way to skin a cat:
Way number 27 -- Use an electric sander.

[parksie]

I went to a wild party last night. I tell ya, it was so wild, we played
a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one
of them had V.D.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

[parksie]

Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is needed.

[parksie]

An eighty-year-old woman is rocking away the afternoon on her
porch when she sees an old, tarnished lamp sitting near the steps. She
picks it up, rubs it gently, and lo and behold a genie appears! The genie
tells the woman the he will grant her any three wishes her heart desires.
After a bit of thought, she says, "I wish I were young and
beautiful!" And POOF! In a cloud of smoke she becomes a young, beautiful,
voluptuous woman.
After a little more thought, she says, "I would like to be rich
for the rest of my life." And POOF! When the smoke clears, there are
stacks and stacks of money lying on the porch.
The genie then says, "Now, madam, what is your final wish?"
"Well," says the woman, "I would like for you to transform my
faithful old cat, whom I have loved dearly for fifteen years, into a young
handsome prince!"
And with another billow of smoke the cat is changed into a tall,
handsome, young man, with dark hair, dressed in a dashing uniform.
As they gaze at each other in adoration, the prince leans over to
the woman and whispers into her ear, "Now, aren't you sorry you had me
fixed?"

[parksie]

Every harlot was a virgin once.
-- William Blake

[parksie]

Programmers get overlaid.

[parksie]

I heard there was a lot of sex on television these days,
but when I tried it I kept falling off.

[parksie]

diaphragm, n:
A childproof cap.

[parksie]

Man who beat off in car have hot rod.

[barrk]

1. An airplane will kill you quickly...a woman takes her time.
2. Airplanes like to do it (pause) inverted.
3. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
4. An airplane's thrust to weight ratio is higher.
5. An airplane does not get mad if you 'touch and go.'
6. An airplane does not object to a preflight inspection.
7. Airplanes come with manuals.
8. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
9. You can fly an airplane any time of the month.
10. Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
11. Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
12. Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown.
13. When flying, you and your airplane both arrive at the same time.
14. Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes, or if you buy airplane magazines.
15. It's OK to use tie-downs on your airplane.
16. Airplanes are more forgiving of navigational errors.


I don't concur with the above....it's just a joke! I have to go home now. We didn't quite make it to 3000 yet but I have to work next week...except for Monday..so I'll continue on Tuesday if there's anyone around. Have a GREAT Christmas holiday and I'll talk to you later. Have fun!

Katie

[parksie]

Okay Katie - back to you!

[parksie]

Well, g'bye and hopefully we can make it to 3000 together!!!

Here's to big numbers

[barrk]

Good Morning!

[parksie]

Good evening!

Did you have a good Christmas then?

[barrk]

I had a great Christmas...how 'bout you? I still have a house full of family though. It's a little hectic and I'm glad to be at work!

[barrk]

Did you get lots of nice present? Good food? Good drink?

[parksie]

Hehehe.

Good food? My waistline has increased by a few miles!
Good drink? *hic* (nuff said)

Presents - I got some really nice stuff: a screwdriver set with magnetic tips (just what I needed!), a DVD drive (asked for that one).

My mum also added me to the insurance on her car (WOO HOO! Didn't know about that one!)...so the residents of Malvern are now going to be terrorised by my appalling driving (I'm still learning and have to be supervised by someone with a license who's over 21).

So what did you get? Apart from the figurines and mandolin