For Americans only....

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Apr 9th, 2001, 03:21 PM
barrk

VERY INTERESTING PERSPECTIVE ON CALIFORNIA'S ENERGY CRISIS

Out of the 50 states, California ranks 48th in the nation in power consumed per person.

California grows more than half the nation's fruit, nuts and vegetables.
We're keeping them. We need something to eat when the power goes out.

We grow 99 percent or more of the nation's almonds, artichokes, dates, figs,
kiwifruit, olives, persimmons, pistachios, prunes, raisins and walnuts. Hope
you won't miss them.

California is the nation's number one dairy state. We're keeping our dairy
products. We'll need plenty of fresh ones since our refrigerators can't be
relied upon. Got milk?

We Californians are gonna keep all our high-tech software in state. Silicon
Valley is ours, after all. Without enough electricity, which you're
apparently keeping for yourselves, we just plain don't have enough software
to spare.

We're keeping all our airplanes. California builds a good percentage of the
commercial airliners available to fly you people to where you want to go.
When yours wear out, you'd better hope Boeing's Washington plant can keep
you supplied. There isn't enough electricity here to allow us to export any
more planes than we need ourselves. And while we're at it, we're keeping all
our high-tech aerospace stuff, too, like the sophisticated weapons systems
that lets you sleep at night, not worried you might wake up under the rule
of some foreign kook. Oh, yeah, and if you want to make a long-distance
call, remember where the satellite components and tracking systems come
from. Maybe you could get back in the habit of writing letters.

Want to see a blockbuster movie this weekend? Come to California. We make
them here. Since we'll now have to make them with our own electricity, we're
keeping them. Even if we shot them somewhere else, the labs, printing
facilities, editing facilities, and sound facilities are all here.

Want some nice domestic wine? We produce over 17 million gallons per year.
We'll need all it to drown our sorrows when we think about the fact that no
matter how many California products we export to make the rest of America's
lives better, America can't see its way clear to help us out with a little
electricity. You can no longer have any of our wine.

You all complain that we don't build enough power plants. Well, you don't
grow enough food, write enough software, make enough movies, build enough
airplanes and defense systems or make enough wine.

Love,
The Californians

So there!!!!!
:p
Apr 9th, 2001, 03:27 PM
parksie

:D
Apr 9th, 2001, 03:30 PM

Grumpy Grumpy :p
Apr 9th, 2001, 03:35 PM
SurfDemon

Tee Hee, Nice one!:p
Apr 9th, 2001, 03:49 PM
crptcblade

Oh yeah?!? Keep your damn figs! :D
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:06 PM
Arbiter

As a matter of interest, I think it's the Tunisians who are the biggest exporter of olives (to the Greeks) but don't quote me on that.

You really aren't impressed are you Katie?

Has someone stolen your teddy bear?
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:08 PM
barrk

Out of the 50 United States that make up America....Californians are the leaders in the production of olives.......as far as I know Tunisia isn't one of the fifty!

Do you have my teddy bear Arbiter?:eek:
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:17 PM
parksie

Whoa...and it's not even the post race!
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:23 PM
Ianpbaker

Quote:

Originally posted by barrk
Out of the 50 United States that make up America....Californians are the leaders in the production of olives.......as far as I know Tunisia isn't one of the fifty!

You'll have to excuse my northern friend katie. Arbiter only knows about going down tut Mill. ;)
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:33 PM
barrk

It looks like Arbiter took my teddy bear and left.........what should I do now?:eek:
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:35 PM
parksie

I suppose you'll have to do without wearing it then :)
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:42 PM
barrk

:eek: I don't know what Arbiter looks like but I'm pretty sure I'd like to see pictures of him in it!!!!!!!:eek:
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:48 PM
Ianpbaker

Katie - Trust me you wouldn't, I've met him.

He's a cross Nick Nolte And The hunchback from Notre Damme ;)

Only kidding, He's a good looking chap in a completley non homo-sexual way
Apr 9th, 2001, 04:52 PM
SteveCRM

wow...crptblade is the only one from america that replied :rolleyes:

Well then! We'll keep all of our sugary stuff then :D
Apr 9th, 2001, 05:01 PM
barrk

Oh my, time for a little creative editing....

Quote:

Originally posted by Ianpbaker
Only kidding, He's a good looking chap in a completley homo-sexual way

;)
Apr 9th, 2001, 05:06 PM
parksie

Hehe :eek:
Apr 9th, 2001, 05:25 PM
barrk

Sorry Ian....I couldn't resist :eek:
Apr 9th, 2001, 06:01 PM

Ok you have convinced me Katie

Australian is now prepared to swap Queensland, (down Parksie) for California.

A few ground rules though.

1. American Football sucks, you will need to convert to Rugby Union or Australian Rules.

2. Baseball is for nancy boys, you will need to switch to cricket.

3. Your beer industry will need to be completely replaced.

4. LA is just too freaky...we will relocate it to Queensland and give it back.

5. Production of aircraft will need to be improved to help Ansett out who currently have a large percent of their fleet grounded.

6. Larry Ellison will be refused a visa.

7. Don't worry complete courses in Australian ettiquete will be supplied to all new Australians.

8. The Olives will go down well, our industry is only just suppling the domestic market.

9. Jeb Bush will have to wear a tutu and a dunces hat for the next three years.

10. Your state government will receive a crash course in corruption, mis-leading the public, and acceptance of Board Level positions after helping major companies secure government contracts.

11. Complete re-education in the spelling of English will be provided.

12. All Californian actors will be retrained to be completely crap so they can work in our Soap Operas. Major export to England by the way.

13. Your wine industry will receive immediate help in improving red vintages.

14. Phantomd informs me that the kiwi fruit industry will have to go, as it's too kiwi.

15. Who the flock eats figs anyway.

16. Immediate supply of replacement teddies to all female programmers.

and finally....

17. Geography leasons for all our new citizens so that they can actually identify a Country outside their own coast line.

Am contacting the removalists to organise the move for you.

P.S Get ready in advance be learning the words to one of Australians favourite songs.

All together now
Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi

Repeat ad nausem.

By the way we will also sell of Disney World to President Bush, cause it's wear he belongs with al;l his friends.
Apr 9th, 2001, 06:04 PM
parksie

Does he have friends?
Apr 9th, 2001, 08:20 PM

Oh yes Parksie

Quote:

Originally posted by parksie
Does he have friends?

President Bush has lots of friends

The guy at the video shop who passes him behind the counter movies. One of these days some one will have to tell him that he doesn't need to pay extra for animated Disney classics and that they are not banned.

The guy at the quicky mart where he shops.

His Analyst.

All members of the NRA.

Australia's foreign minister...Bush don't need corgis when Alexander Downer is about.
Apr 10th, 2001, 12:37 AM
cyberwarpy

Re: Ok you have convinced me Katie

Larry Ellison? Who? What? When? Why?

HaHa Good old America, thats what its famous for... being crazy and totally out of touch with International views....

Quote:

Originally posted by Jethro
Australian is now prepared to swap Queensland, (down Parksie) for California.

A few ground rules though.

1. American Football sucks, you will need to convert to Rugby Union or Australian Rules.

2. Baseball is for nancy boys, you will need to switch to cricket.

3. Your beer industry will need to be completely replaced.

4. LA is just too freaky...we will relocate it to Queensland and give it back.

5. Production of aircraft will need to be improved to help Ansett out who currently have a large percent of their fleet grounded.

6. Larry Ellison will be refused a visa.

7. Don't worry complete courses in Australian ettiquete will be supplied to all new Australians.

8. The Olives will go down well, our industry is only just suppling the domestic market.

9. Jeb Bush will have to wear a tutu and a dunces hat for the next three years.

10. Your state government will receive a crash course in corruption, mis-leading the public, and acceptance of Board Level positions after helping major companies secure government contracts.

11. Complete re-education in the spelling of English will be provided.

12. All Californian actors will be retrained to be completely crap so they can work in our Soap Operas. Major export to England by the way.

13. Your wine industry will receive immediate help in improving red vintages.

14. Phantomd informs me that the kiwi fruit industry will have to go, as it's too kiwi.

15. Who the flock eats figs anyway.

16. Immediate supply of replacement teddies to all female programmers.

and finally....

17. Geography leasons for all our new citizens so that they can actually identify a Country outside their own coast line.

Am contacting the removalists to organise the move for you.

P.S Get ready in advance be learning the words to one of Australians favourite songs.

All together now
Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi

Repeat ad nausem.

By the way we will also sell of Disney World to President Bush, cause it's wear he belongs with al;l his friends.
Apr 10th, 2001, 12:45 AM
Active

Larry Ellison - Oracle Chairman.

The Fellow who would even go to his bath room in his private aircraft if it was big enough !
Apr 10th, 2001, 12:52 AM

That Larry Ellison

If you have ever used Oracle he is the guy who promises that the product has a feature, which they haven't actually got around to including yet.
Apr 10th, 2001, 12:58 AM
cyberwarpy

Jethro:...

OK, Tell me an American product that is 100% bug-free or fully-featured.....

Hrmmm... I can't think of one....can you?

:) :( :o :D ;) :p :rolleyes: :mad: :confused: :eek: :cool:
:) :( :o :D ;) :p :rolleyes: :mad: :confused: :eek: :cool:
Apr 10th, 2001, 02:23 AM

Re: Jethro:...

Quote:

Originally posted by cyberwarpy
OK, Tell me an American product that is 100% bug-free or fully-featured.....

Hrmmm... I can't think of one....can you?

:) :( :o :D ;) :p :rolleyes: :mad: :confused: :eek: :cool:
:) :( :o :D ;) :p :rolleyes: :mad: :confused: :eek: :cool:

After much detail thought...the only thing l could think of was "Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream".:rolleyes:
Apr 10th, 2001, 03:29 AM
Arbiter

Katie,

Errr.... Sorry about that, I didn't see the word 'nation' in there.

Tunisia, the 51st state of America. Could happen....

Sorry about taking your Teddy and leaving, you weren't cold were you? I think I should get bonus points for the theatrical exit I made (leaping out of your balconied window into the night with a rose clasped between my teeth)

Besides, I think your teddy suited me (though it was a bit tight).

Ian,

Down t' th'mill indeed. I haven't spoke to you in ages, how you keeping?
Apr 10th, 2001, 03:38 AM
Arbiter

PS found a quote relating to California...

California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen

:D
Apr 10th, 2001, 07:06 AM
Ianpbaker

Hi matey, things are fine down here mate. still slogging away at this project and still getting completley wasted at the weekends. That pretty much sums up my life at the moment. Off to Alton towers for three days at the beginning of next month, 7 mates, one hotel, lots of fun. I t will bw nice to get away from it all :)

How about yourself, any news about that job in basingstoke ?
Apr 10th, 2001, 07:39 AM
Gaffer

Re: Jethro:...

Quote:

Originally posted by cyberwarpy
OK, Tell me an American product that is 100% bug-free or fully-featured.....

Hrmmm... I can't think of one....can you?

Tell me off one Australian product. Full stop. Period.
Apr 10th, 2001, 09:42 AM
PJB

a friend of mine sent me some Vegemite once, that was pretty good
Apr 10th, 2001, 09:56 AM
barrk

Re: Ok you have convinced me Katie

Quote:

Originally posted by Jethro
Australian is now prepared to swap Queensland, (down Parksie) for California.

A few ground rules though.

9. Jeb Bush will have to wear a tutu and a dunces hat for the next three years.

Sounds good! Please implement ASAP....you do realize however that Jeb Bush is is no way shape or form associated with California....and we'd like to keep it that way!!!!!!!!!!
Apr 10th, 2001, 10:00 AM
PJB

Hey, everyone else is complainin' and we still have the Clintons living here in NY dammit, BTW they're talking about rolling blackouts in NYC this year, doubt it'll effect me though(Finger Lakes Region)
Apr 10th, 2001, 10:18 AM
paulw

Quote:

OK, Tell me an American product that is 100% bug-free or fully-featured.....

.....BARRK!

Katie, we all assumed that you didn't know where Tunisia was (its Africa - where's Africa? Good grief!) Not that I am implying that Americans are parochial or anything.... ahem.

Cheers,

P.
Apr 10th, 2001, 10:20 AM
barrk

LOL

As an American, I of course know nothing about the world outside the United States. I only knew that Tunisia wasn't one of the fifty.:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Apr 10th, 2001, 10:52 AM
paulw

Quote:

I only knew that Tunisia wasn't one of the fifty.

So you're not from Arkansas then...

P.
Apr 10th, 2001, 10:53 AM
barrk

Nope! I call my father Dad not Uncle Dad!;)
Apr 10th, 2001, 10:58 AM
Ianpbaker

Quote:

Originally posted by barrk
Nope! I call my father Dad not Uncle Dad!;)

incest - The game the whole family can play ;)
Apr 10th, 2001, 11:01 AM
paulw

LOL

P.
Apr 10th, 2001, 11:13 AM
Active

:eek: :eek: :eek:
Apr 10th, 2001, 11:16 AM
Ianpbaker

:p
Apr 10th, 2001, 11:54 AM
parksie

I'm sure I recognise that comment from somewhere :) Oh well...it's still funny.

Ah...Devil's Dictionary, I think :p
Apr 10th, 2001, 05:21 PM

Re: Re: Jethro:...

Quote:

Originally posted by Gaffer

Tell me off one Australian product. Full stop. Period.

Too easy dude.

1. Collins class submarine. These little beauties have been specifically designed to be picked up on sonar by anything bigger than a bloke with a hand held. That way you don't tend to lose them.

2. As stated above vegemite.....the breakfast food of the gods. Once got held up in an airport in NY cause the customs guy wouldn't believe that anyone would actaully eat it.

3. The Hills Hoist. Washing line for you Rusty.

4. Tim Tams. These choc bikkies have driven women wild for decades now.

5. The Western Desert Art Movement.

6. Kangaroo Island Cheese.

7. Australian Rules Football.

The list could go on, but l don't want to give anyone else a complex over Oz's impact on the world.