"Sure, I'll set you up with administrator rights."
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"Sure, I'll set you up with administrator rights."
"That function? It just produces a beep."
"Sorry, I can't work late tonight. I've got a date."
"This needs more tables."
Admin to programmer: "You know anything about computers, 'cos I know sweet f*** all."
They never say that but you just know it.
- "Sure I can fix this right now"
- "I have my tools with me."
- "Yes you have enough liscenses"
- "I'll put this as a low priority callout" (what they say and what they do are often only casually acquainted)
"Looks like I wrote some really bad code there... tee hee."
"Good morning Tech Support, hope I can be of assistance"
"Too much 'ha ha', pretty soon 'boo hoo'"
"Calm down, I can understand your frustration."
Programmer: "Sure, I can create you an application without any requirements...<tap><tap>...done!"
Requestor: "What is it?"
Programmer: "It's a form."
Requestor: "What's it do?"
Programmer: "Exactly what you wanted!"
:lol: :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by mendhak
"I'm only using this language/paradigm/method to pad my CV - it isn't appropriate to the task in hand at all"
"I can do everything through code"
I can do that update on site. It seems so trivial, that there'll be no charge.
"Do you mind! I'm getting busy with your wife"
"In the middle of working out the problems of a project... at home"
IT Professional:"Hold IT!!! I think its time!"
Another ITP:"For What?"
IT Professional:"For Days Of Our Lives... Be back Later!!!"
I miss the old days... way back when. *sigh*
I'll have to ask management for permission.
That is user error.
rtfm:D
"Anyone can get into our system, because its a piece of crap"
"I don't know sh;t!"
I know your job better than you do. You think you're good. I know I'm better. Of course I can run your company, guvnor. I wrote the software you will do it my way.
"I have a girlfriend"
"I have an interesting and varied life"
"Oh no, not another trade junket. I hate travelling."
"I enjoy socialising."
"Wow, cool, there's an OS2 convention in town!"
"I wish they'd stop increasing my hardware budget, I'm finding it difficult to spend."
"Urgh beer... can't stand the stuff"
"No! I think that increasing my salary inline with market rates is a terrible idea!"
"Oh i lost my contacts in my msn" :D
"Exactly why would I need a company car, mobile and an expense account?"
"Nah. Never heard of 'em. Microsoft?"
"Where do I sign up for Assertivity training?"
"That uh function you say? What's it called, SendToPrinter? Hmmm, I have absolutely no idea what it does."
"I specifically choose long and difficult class names just to annoy the debug team."
"Debugged? Yup" the doc cleared the clap last week with antibiotics"
"String Stream? I thought the river was kinda full for this time of year"
"Unicode is useless. What's the point in having a character set with only one character"
"A runtime error occured? Darn, your computer is infected by a virus."
"Viruses are biological creatures that live on Manilla coloured metal"
"If you don't clean the virus of your computer, it will eat your motherboard, and you might become infected, yourself"
"I respect you"
"I've never seen one of these units before"
"I think that that's great advice. I'll take that into consideration next time I write some code. Cheers m8"
It's normal for all 40 screens to blink when the copier kicks in. :)
"String manipulation? I don't think sex related matters are to be discussed in office. It's against the Code of Conduct and I fear I'll have to report you to your superiors."
"Sex? Isn't that the software engineering paradigm 10?"
"Microsoft Office is extremely advanced, as are the rest of their superior, bug free products"
"Please post in the correct forum"
:lol:
"You got a promotion and a hefty raise. Congradulations!" :rolleyes:
:lol: :lol: :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by wossname
Sorry we are delivering early....
It's not a feature, it's a bug.
You do the new stuff, I'll maintain the old systems.
"have that coded in 2 days? pffff make it 4 weeks"
"I only need to open up a PC when the spec is higher than my home machine. Don't worry you might find your machine runs slowly for a few years afterwards, this is because I'll have removed all the half-decent parts and replaced them with crap bits out of our workshop bin."
"Some guy on an internet forum gave me that piece of code"
"I deleted your system files because you annoyed me"
"Where is the ANY key?"
"Don't worry... this time it's free..."
"Bill Gates is coming around to my house for tea, and im not going to drown him in the soup"
"Your printer ink runs out quickly because I replace them with my half empty ones from home"
Don't feel stupid, I make that same mistake myself, all the time.
(no sarcasm)
"I have uploaded my porn site to the companies server, is that cool or what"