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I know a story of 4 people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got mad about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody because Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
*g* applause! ;)
Thanks for reading Fox.
For the rest of you. If you don't get it, it's one of those stories that makes sense both ways.
...maybe you shouldn't write 'READ IT!!!!!!' in the title coz that makes people thinking 'I must read it!' and so they don't ;) -Note: We live in a stupid world :)
Remember my post that told people specifiacly not to read it in the subject got a whole shitload of views and replies.
Reverse psychology is a technique proven effective, it works best on children though.
i'm not sure if it works on me.
i generally ignore those topics which have heaps of replies, and say don't read because i don't know y
Most of the people on here are pre-teens anyways, so I guess they could be considered as kids.
You post "READ IT" thinking that EveryBody will read. SomeBody reads, indeed, but NoBody will admit it. AnyBody agree?
[Edited by Juan Carlos Rey on 05-01-2000 at 02:37 PM]
Heh! That goes well with the story line.
But why would anybody read it, if everybody had read it and nobody admitted it?
*rofl*! Very good joke! Yeah! :)
For those of you that don't get it, i'm not
explaining it.
Here's a good one.:D
[Edited by Iain17 on 05-04-2000 at 10:07 AM]Quote:
One day, Todd complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't bother. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker & cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it and it only costs $10.00."
Todd figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and the various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, outpopped a small slip of paper which read: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
heh! pretty good. Here's another one.
Quote:
KID: Dad, what does sex man?
The dad thought for a minute then he said "Oh Well" and explained about sex and body parts and the birds and the bees etc. and how babies are formed. Then after about an hour he asked,
"Why did you want to know anyway??"
"Well," the kid repiled, "mom said dinner is gonna be ready in a couple of secs!!"
i know some pretty sick and offensive jokes, but i should probably keep them to myself :)
Same with a lot of mine.
I have jokes in swedish but they're hard to explain in English
A man was driving home in the rain, he saw a poor looking women, he pulled over,
she said: "I am not from here, and the bus I wsa taking broke down, can I come home with you for the night?"
he said: "no"
her: "PLEASE"
him: "ok, get in the car"
they went to his house, and he was just about to get a shower.
she said: "can I take a shower with you please"
man: "OK, but just dont look down"
her: "OK"
she looked down and said
"whats that?"
him: "its my little man"
her:"oh"
later when he was ready for bed, she asked him
"can I sleep with you"
him : "OK"
in the morning he woke up in the hospital and said
"what happened?"
she said
"i was playing with your little man, and he spit on me so I bit his head off"
hehehehehehe
hehehehe.
Are blonde jokes offensive to anyone on here? If so I
will not tell them, but if not, i got a whole bunch to tell!
Go For it.
Quote:
Being offended by a joke is like a tax for enjoying comedy
Jerry Sadowich
Q: Why is a blonde's coffint Y shaped?
A: Because when they fall on thier backs, thier legs automatically spread.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a half brain?
A: gifted
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: shine a flashlight through her ears.
Q: what do you call a fly buzzing around in a blonde's head?
A: Lost in space!
hahahaha,
good one...(s)
hehehe,Quote:
two blonds were working on a house, there job was to hammer nails.
one blond kept throwing nails over her shoulder, the other one said
"why are you doing that?"
the one that was throwing nails said
"well the nails are facing the wrong way, so they are defective".
the other one said "no stupid, they are for the other side of the house"
I got a ton of em...
heheQuote:
there was a blond who hated the stereotype of being dumb, so she died her hair red.
she was driving in her car, and she passed a feild of sheep...
she asked the shepard "if I can guess how many sheep you have can i have one"
he said sure, knowing she wouldnt guess.
she guessed the right number, while she was walking off with her sheep, the shepard said
"if i can guess your original hair color, can I have my dog back?"
ok this isnt blond but...
this is blond joke :)Quote:
Q. Why should you never tell a women your
secrets?
A. Because you cant trust anything that bleeds
for five days and doesn't die.
Quote:
A blonde bombshell walks into the airplanes and
sits in 1st Class and the stewardess asks her for
her ticket...The stewardess tells her that she
only has a coach ticket. The blonde says, "Im a
cute lookng blonde and I'm flying first class."
The stewardess replys that she only has a coach
seat to Atlanta....the blonde then retorts, "I'm
a cute blonde and i'm flying first class".
Just then the captian happened by and asked what
was happening...the blonde tells him, "I'm a cute
blonde and I'm flying first class....The captian
whipers in her ear...and the blonde gets up and
jumps into a seat in the coach cabin...The
stewardess asks the captain what he said to get
her to move so fast...He replied, "I told her
that 1st class is not going to Atlanta."
Quote:
Why does a blond prefere a BMW over Chevrolet?
Because she can spell BMW
this is a guy joke
sorry if you are offended by this joke(it is about ****ries and stuff)Quote:
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today,"
said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.
"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would
think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
Quote:
From 15 to 20, women are like Africa - Part
virgin and part explored.
From 21 to 35, women are like Asia- Hot and
exotic.
From 35 to 45, they are like the United States -
Fully explored and free with their resources.
From 45 to 55, they are like Europe - Exhausted,
but still interesting in places.
From 55 on, they are like Australia - Everybody
knows it's down there , but nobody cares very
much.
Quote:
Why is it that when you transport something by car
its called a shipment but when you transport
something by ship its called cargo?
Quote:
Three women, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde
escaped from prison one day and they ran for
miles until they came upon an old barn.
They climbed into the loft and laid down to rest.
There were three gunny sacks there and the girls
put them on as they heard someone coming.
The sheriff and one of his deputies came into the
barn and his deputy climbed into the hayloft and
reported seeing nothing but three gunny sacks.
The sheriff said "Kick them and see what is in
them."
The deputy kicked the sack with the redhead and
she said "BowWow".
Tne deputy reported that there was a dog in one,
and proceeded to kick the second sack, and heard
"Meow" and reported a cat was in it.
He then kicked the last sack and nothing
happened, he kicked again and the blonde said
"Potatoes"
heres a dumb little non-blond joke:
Quote:
A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a
beer. The Bartender asks "Hey, are you a piece of
rope?" The rope answers yes and the Bartender
says "We don't serve rope." So the rope go's
outside and ties himself in a knot and comes back
in. "Gimme a beer," he says. The bartender looks
at him and asks "Hey, are you a piece of rope?"
The rope answers yes and the Bartender says "We
don't serve rope." So the rope go's outside and
frays the top of his head. He walks back into the
bar and says "Gimme a beer." The Bartender takes
a long look at him and says' " Hey, aren't you
that piece of rope?" and the rope say's
"Nope, Frayed Knot."
Quote:
If there is a tourist season,
why can't we shoot them?
bill clinton joke
Quote:
Bill Clinton is in an elementary class and is
trying to teach the students what a tragedy is.
He asks if anyone knows. One kid stands up and
says, "I know. If I was in the street and got hit
by a car, that would be a tragedy."
Clinton says, "No son, that would be an
accident."
Another kid stands up and says, "I know. If we all
were on a field trip and the bus went flying over
a cliff, that would be a tragedy."
Again, Clinton says, "No son, that would be a
great loss."
The children are silent and then one kid stands
and says, "If you and Mrs. Clinton were on Air
Force One and it just all of a sudden blew up and
you both died, that would be a tragedy."
Clinton thinks and then asks, "Now why would you
think that is a tragedy?"
The kid replies, "Well, because it definately
wouldn't be an Accident. and it sure as hell
wouldn't be a Great Loss!!!"
Quote:
Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's
time to learn how to swear. So, the eight year
old says to the six year old, "Okay, you say
`ass' and I'll say `hell'".
All excited about their plan, they troop
downstairs, where their mother asks them what
they'd like for breakfast. "Aw, hell," says the
eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios." His mother
backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling
out of the room, and turns to the younger
brother. "What'll you have?"
"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you
can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios."
Quote:
What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right
leg?
Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money
Quote:
Two men decided to skip work and spend the day
golfing. The first guy gets up to the tee and
drives the ball straight down the fairway. The
next guy, under pressure drives his ball off
the tee and slices it into a near by field.
When the man approaches the ball he sees that the
ball is surrounded by butter-cups. He thinks to
himself, "I can't kill all of these beautiful
flowers." He picks up his ball and throws it into
the fairway. As soon as he is about to take his
next shot Mother Nature appears out of the sky.
"That was a wonderful thing you just did saving
the lives of those beautiful butter-cups. Now
every time you think of butter you will have all
you need." Mother Nature disappears.
The man starts throwing his clubs and swearing.
The other man says to him, "What the hell are you
mad about Mother Nature just gave you a wonderful
gift."
He answers his golf partner, "Another 10 yards
and I was in the ***** willows!!!"
Quote:
Q : What's the first thing a blond does in the
morning?
A : She picks up her clothes and goes back home!
Quote:
You know those shows where people call in and
vote on different issues? Did you ever notice
there's always like 16% "I don't know"!
It costs 90 cents to call up and vote... They're
voting "I don't know!" - "Honey, I feel very
strongly about this. Give me the phone." (Into
phone) "I don't know!" (hangs up, looking proud)
"Sometimes you have to stand up for what you
believe you are not sure about!"
This guy probably calls up phone sex girls at
$2.95 a minute. (into phone) "I'm not in the
mood!"
Quote:
When Jane reached the check-out, she learned that
one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her
embarrassment when the checker got on the
intercom and boomed out for all the store to
hear: "Price check on lane 12, Tampax, supersize."
If that was bad enough, somebody at the rear of
the store misunderstood the word "tampax"
for "thumbtacks".
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over
the intercom:
"Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb
or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
Quote:
A man goes to the pet store and buys an expensive
talking parrot. At home, he finds this parrot
swears like a sailor.
A conservative church going man, this bird's foul
mouth was driving him crazy.
One day, it was too much, so the man grabbed the
bird by the throat, shook him really hard, and
yelled, "Stop your filthy talk!"
This just made the bird mad and he swore more than
ever.
The man was furious and said,"OK, that's it!
You're getting punished for this!" and locked poor
bird in a dark cabinet.
This aggravated the bird to no end and he clawed
and scratched until the man finally let him out.
The bird proceeded to curse the man with a
dreadful stream of invectives.
At that point the poor man was so mad he threw the
bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds
there was a terrible din. The bird kicked and
clawed and thrashed. Then it suddenly got VERY
QUIET!
He started to think that the bird may have been
hurt. After a few of minutes of silence, he's
became so worried that he opened up the freezer
door.
The bird calmly climbed onto the man's out-
stretched arm and says, "I'm so sorry about the
trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve
my vocabulary from now on."
The man was astounded. He couldn't understand the
transformation that had come over the parrot.
Then the parrot said, "By the way, what did the
chicken do?"
Quote:
A man was walking along the street when he saw
a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us
would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a
cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very
ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to
success," she said. No contest, thought the man,
so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On
this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was
slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or
climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well,"
thought the man, "might as well carry on." On
the next cloud was an even more attractive lady
who, this time was quite attractive. "Screw me
now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered.
As he turned her down and went on up the ladder,
the man thought to himself that this was getting
better the further he went. On the next cloud was
an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.
"**** me here and now or climb the ladder to
success," she flirted. Unable to imagine what
could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he
decided to climb again. When he reached the next
cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit
hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.
"Who are you?" the man asked. "Hello" said the
ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"
Quote:
One afternoon a bartender was surprised to find
three new customers sitting at his bar, and all
three were very sullen. After a great deal of
time, he decided to break the silence, and asked
the first man about his troubles.
"I'm the head of a large company, and I have to
keep up a good appearance for my employees. But at
a large seminar, in front of every member of my
staff, I tried to tell them to reach for the sky.
Instead, I told them they had pie in their eye."
"That's nothin'!", said the man of the cloth,
sitting next to him. "I am the supposed to be the
strongest thread in the moral fabric of my church,
and when I tried to tell them to put hope in their
souls, I actually told them to put soap in their
holes!"
"That's nothing.", said the silent stranger at the
end of the bar. "What could be worse than that?"
asked the bar-tender.
"This morning at the breakfast table, I looked
at my wife and meant to say, 'honey, please pass
me the cornflakes'. Instead, I looked at her, and
said,'you *****, you ****ed up my whole life.'"
Quote:
Three women were about to be executed. One was a
brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde.
The guard brought the first woman, the brunette,
forward and the executioner asked if she had any
last requests. She said no and the executioner
shouted...Ready...Aim...!! and suddenly the
brunette yelled, "Earthquake!"
Everyone was startled and looked around. She
escaped. So they brought up the redhead and asked
if she had any last requests. She said no, and the
executioner shouted...Ready...Aim...!! and
suddenly the redhead yelled....."Tornado!"
Everyone was startled and looked around. She
escaped. Well, by now, the blonde had it all
figured out. They brought her forward and the
executioner asked if she had any last requests.
She said no and the executioner shouted...
Ready...Aim...!! and the blonde yelled,"Fire!"
Quote:
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit
after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a
male hormone) for her. She was a little worried
about some of the side effects she was
experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have
really helped, but I'm afraid that you`re giving
me too much. I've started growing hair in places
that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is
a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone.
Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my testicles."
well thats all for now folks.....Quote:
Latest buzzwords to add to your corporate
vocabulary.
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group
discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in,
makes a lot of noise, shits over everything
and then leaves.
Blowing your buffer - Losing your train of
thought.
Salmon day - The experience of spending an
entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die in the end.
Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert
brought in to reduce the employee headcount,
leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM - Career-limiting move - Used among
microserfs to describe ill-advised activity.
Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a serious CLM.
Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Home
Depot because of how much money one might spend.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers
beginning just above the rank and file.
Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are
often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to
the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your
boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the
geek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been dilberted again. The old man revised
the specs for the fourth time this week."
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are
suspected of planning to leave the company or
department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide
Web error message "404 Not Found", meaning that
the requested document could not be located.
"Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that
are exactly the same no matter where one is, such
as fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions.
Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I
forgot what city we were in."
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt
and crud found on computer keyboards.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in
which you realize that you've just made a BIG
mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking
the crap out of an electronic device to get it to
work again.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops
something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full
of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the
walls to see what's going on.
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project
budget) that has seven digits.
Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing
or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This
is Dale, my...um...friend."
Yuppie Food Stamps - the ubiquitous $20 bills
spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when
trying to split the bill after a meal:
"We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got
is yuppie food stamps."
woo hoo I am a member, not a junior member :D
hehehe those are really good. what site do you find your jokes on?
Here's some definetions you can add on :)
CHARP: The green mutant chip in every chip bag
MUSQUAT: The liquidly yellow stuff that comes out of the mustard jar when you forget to shake it.
FLOPCORN: The popcorn kernals that never seem to pop!
hehehe....
I get most of my jokes at http://www.37.com
click on the jokes link....
it pops out random jokes. and I love that place,
Quote:
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Quote:
A blonde was standing in front of a coke machine
she put in 50 cents and a coke came out. She set
it on top of the coke machine. Put in 50 more
cents pushed the button and another coke came
out.
She kept doing this untill a guy standing behind
her said, " Excuse me, can I get my coke and then
you can go back to whatever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Like duh not
when I am winning!! "
Quote:
A Texas girl and a woman from New York meet at a
party. The Texas gal says, "Hi! Where y'all
from?"
The New Yorker sticks her nose in the air like
she's checking for rain, and replies, "Where I
come from, we don't end our sentences with a
preposition."
Texas gal says, "Fine. Where y'all from...*****!"
Quote:
Why are blondes quiet when they're having sex?
Because they were told not to talk to strangers.
I told this one earlier. but this is a better version... a little more detailedQuote:
What is dumber than two brunettes that tried to
build a house at the bottom of the ocean?
Two blondes that tried to burn it down!
Quote:
Two blondes were looking for work when they came
across a job at a construction company.
The positions open were for people to put siding
up. The two blondes agreed that they could do
the job.
On the first day, the two blondes were putting
siding up and the second noticed that the first
was throwing some of the nails over shoulder.
"Why are you doing that?" Asked the second
blonde. "Well, if I pull a nail out of my pouch
and it's pointed at me, it must be defective,"
"No, stupid!" the second blonde yelled, "They're
not defective! They're for the other side of the
house!"
Quote:
A young fellow was about to be married and was
asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how
often you should have it. His grandfather told
him that when you first get married, you want
it all the time...and maybe do it several
times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a
week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex
maybe once a month. When you get really old, you
are lucky to have it once a year.....maybe on
your anniversary. The young fellow then asked
his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma
now?" His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have
oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" the young
fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to
bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my
bedroom. And she yells, '**** You!!!!!' and I
holler back, "**** You too."
Quote:
A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to
each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each
morning would look in his garden and pick up one
of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he
looked into his garden and saw that the hen had
laid an egg in the Englishman's garden.
He was about to go next door when he saw the
Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up
to the Englishman and told him that the egg
belonged to him because he owned the hen. The
Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid
on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the
Scotsman said, 'In my family we normaly solve
disputes by the following actions: I kick you in
the groin and time how long it takes you to get
back up, then you kick me in the groin and time
how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets
up quicker wins the egg.'
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman
found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on,
he took a few steps back, then ran toward the
Englishman and kicked as hard as he could in the
balls.
The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his
nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually
the Englishman stood up and said, 'Now it's my
turn to kick you.'
The Scotsman said, 'Keep the damn egg.'
hehe
does anyone barrack for essendon --> afl?
they are beating the dees(melbourne)
An Argentine couple couldn't have any children. They tried all specialists they could find, with no results.
Desperate, they heard that in the US there were the best specialist in fertility of the world. They sold the car, take a loan in a bank and came into the US to consult that doctor.
Well, the doctor saw the clinical history, all the analyses they brang, and found both of them perfectly fertile, so he asked them to make love in front of him, so as to find any fault in the procedure.
Both of them, with heavy embarrasement, proceeded to take clothes off, and made what doctor asked. Once finished, the doctor wrote a single line on a piece of paper and lent it to them.
Well, the couple returned to their country, and the man went into a pharmacy and told the boy "give me Trioterol".
The youg man said -"What? Trioterol? What laboratory is that medicament from?" Our man: -"I don't know, this is from an american doctor, it's all I have". The dependant said -"What is it intended for?" -"What do you care? Just give me the damn medicament!. The young said -"That does not exist, let me see the prescription". -"Here you have it"
-"Oh", said the seller, "Here it says not 'Trioterol', It says 'TRY THE OTHER HOLE'"
(Sorry my bad English)
[Edited by Juan Carlos Rey on 05-07-2000 at 07:24 PM]
Code:
Dim Y As SexObject
Set Y = New Girlfriend
Y.Measurements = "36-24-36"
Y.Libido = vbHornyAsHell
Call Y.AtHome()
Y.Move vbIntoMyApartment
Y.Remove Key:="Clothes"
Y.HaveSex vbOnBed, vbMissionary
Y.HaveSex vbInCar, vbMissionary
Y.HaveSex vbStrangePlaces.vbAttic, vbAnal
Y.HaveSex vbStrangeSituations.vbWhileDriving, vbOral
Not so long ago...
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank
account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy you hoped nobody found
out!
Compress was something you did to garbage not something you
did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it
happens they wish they were dead!
And Gay meant "Happy"...
Not so long ago.....
C was JUST a letter
Pascal was ONLY a unit of pressure
a moniter was a kid who wore a belt, and got to miss class
RAM was associated with packing something down with a hammer..
the "NET" was a trap, commonly used on cartoons...
reboot meant to put your boots on again...
a shell was the exoskelitan of an inveribrate
plenty more..... please add to the list, there are fun to read, and fun to write :)
:)Quote:
There are three blondes stuck on an island. A genie appears and offers them one wish each.
The first blonde wishes to be 10 times smarter, turns into a brunette and swims to the mainland. The second blonde wishes to be 1000 times smarter, turns into a redhead and swims to the mainland. The third and last blonde wishes to be 1,000,000 times smarter, turns into a man and uses the bridge.
Have you ever watched Fishing? I have. I watched it for 15 minutes! Then i realized that I needed to get a life.
I've watched fishing before... I got bored and turned it to the preview channel :D
fishing is fun, but watching it on TV is really boring.. same with golf.. watching golf is so boring..
Especially when they are in a forigen language.
why would you watch it in a foreign language?
Well, I don't really watch it. I was just trying to think up what the most boring thing would be on TV.
Foreign language? I didn't even know fish could talk!
I mean the people that are talking. Imagine watching fishing or golf in chinese. Wouldn't that be pretty boring? First, you don't even know what the heck they are saying. Second, you could care less because those shows are to damn boring!
Dunno, Personally I like watching snooker, and that is boring, but I don't listen to the commentry, that's even more boring, I think I just like seeing shiny things roll around a big green table.
Snooker is cool, seeing the pros cane their opposition, by beating them, without letting their opponent score
What's a snooker?
billiard show... you should have gotten the hint from sam saying he liked to see shiny balls rolling around on a big green table....
:D
well I guess snooker is billiard, thats the first thing I thought of when I read sams post.. i have never watched snooker..
Snooker's Kind of like Billiards, I'm not sure exactly how to play billiards but I think Snooker has a lot mor balls.
Assuming you're familiar with Snooker, Pool or Billiards, It's basicly the same but with snooker the tables about the size of a double bed but a bit longer, there's 15 red balls and 6 coloured balls (and a cue ball) you have to pot a red ball, then a colour (the colour is put back on the Table after you pot it but the red stays down) then you try for a red, then a colour etc. You keep doing this until you miss, then it's the other guys go and he does the same thing, you get one point for a red and more points for a colour depending on what colour it is, when all the reds are gone the colours are potted in order and the person with the most points at the end wins the game.
That's the briefest of brief explanations of snooker, It's great to watch but can be frustrating to play (The Table is huge and the pockets are Tiny)
I haven't heard of it (form North America). It is mainly a European game? I've heard of Pool though.
no, i play it in aus
I have played "biljard" but i haven't tried pool or snooker, and I wasn't that good either, I nocked down the 8 ball
A big-time negotiator was out fishing one day when he caught
a strange looking fish. He reeled the fish in, unhooked it,
and threw it on the ground next to him. The fish started
writhing in agony and, to the negotiator's surprise, said,
"Please throw me back into the lake and I'll grant you three
wishes."
"Any three wishes, huh?" the negotiator mused as visions of
expensive fast cars and beautiful women paraded through his
head.
"Fish," he finally exclaimed, "Give me five wishes and I'll
throw you back."
"Sorry," the fish answered while struggling for breath, "only
three wishes."
The negotiator's pride was at stake and after giving the
matter some thought he announced, "What do you take me for? A
sucker? I'll settle for four wishes."
"Only three," the fish murmured weakly.
Fuming, the man debated the pros and cons of accepting the
three wishes or continuing to bargain for that one extra
wish. Finally, the negotiator decided it wasn't worth looking
a gift fish in the mouth and said "All right fish, you win,
three wishes."
Unfortunately, the fish was dead.
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his
anxious patient. "You only have six months to live."
The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.
Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician
that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you
in that time."
"Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."
man i laughed at some of these, wow funny stuff!
ok ill post some
3 men a blonde haired, brown haired and red haired guys worked on a skyrise building and had there lunches packed. All of them married, at lunch the brown haired man had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... "I am sick of these if I have one tommorrow I am jumping!" The red head had a ham and cheese sandwhich... "I am sick of these if I have one tommorrow I am jumping!" The blonde had a bacon egg and cheese sandwhich... "I am sick of these if I have one tommorrow I am jumping!".
So the next day at lunch time, the brown haired man opened up his lunch and there it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich... he jumped. Then the red head again had a ham and cheese sandwhich... he jumped. Then the blonde had the same bacon egg and cheese sandwhich... he jumped.
Then at the funeral the wifes were asked what happened... "Why did your brown haired husband jump?", the wife responded, "well *sob* I packed him the wrong sandwhich"... Then to the other wife "Why did your red haired husband jump?", the wife responded, "well *sob* I packed him the wrong sandwhich"... Then to the blonde wife "Why did your red haired husband jump?" the wife responded, "I dont know, cause he packs his own lunch...!"