What washes up on itty bitty beaches?
Microwaves.
----
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
irrelephant
----
When you come to a fork in the path you should never follow the psychopath.
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What washes up on itty bitty beaches?
Microwaves.
----
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
irrelephant
----
When you come to a fork in the path you should never follow the psychopath.
An elderly man was speaking to his doctor and mentioned he thought his elderly wife was losing her hearing. The doctor said to give her a simple test. From across the room, in normal voice, ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer take a few steps forward and ask her again. Do that until she answers you.
The elderly man went home and from the living room, with his wife in the kitchen, he asks “what’s for dinner”? She didn’t answer so he took ten steps forward and asked again. She still did not answer. He took another ten steps, asked again, and still no answer. Finally he was nearly on top of her and said ““what’s for dinner”? She turned around and said “for the third time chicken”!
The first rule of Thesaurus Club:
You do not
converse,
chat,
speak,
discuss,
verbalise,
vocalise,
mention,
babble,
spill the beans,
articulate,
confer,
squeal,
lecture,
let the cat out of the bag,
or allude to
Thesaurus Club.
Nice People...
2nd RULE: You DO NOT converse,Quote:
Originally Posted by Gruff
chat,
speak,
discuss,
verbalise,
vocalise,
mention,
babble,
spill the beans,
articulate,
confer,
squeal,
lecture,
let the cat out of the bag,
or allude to Thesaurus Club.
If it's your first time at thesaurus club you have to participate,
perform
cooperate
partake in
be into
compete
engage in
strive
concur
have a hand in
The-saurus says...
Attachment 118081
When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.
I almost died in Finding Nemo.
Why do they call it Rush Hour when nothing moves?
Along those lines...Quote:
Originally Posted by Gruff
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England, and French fries aren't French.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, two geese; so, one moose, two meese? One index, two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
A lot more of those here.
I won't copy the list here, but I found it because I was looking for a List that included "Why do we drive on a parkway, but park in a driveway".
What did the toolstrip say to the form dock property?
Ehhhh. What's up Dock?
Poor I know. I am under the weather. Rain today I believe.
hmmrumpf, i take issue with your statements and will now debunk them :)Quote:
Originally Posted by TysonLPrice
I think you will find that this is incorrect, Muffins were invented in England that makes them English muffins. The fact that you Americans created a bastardized version of the Crumpet and decided to call it an English Muffin is just typical ....
And French Fries where invented by either the Belgians or the French. And if you had been to Belgium you would now that it is basically like an extra bit of France anyway...
Meat used to just mean food so saying sweetmeat just meant sweet-food, and nobody uses the word sweetmeat now.Quote:
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Sweetbreads are named as such to trick you into thinking they are something they are not, so you might eat them.
So ...Quote:
Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.
Because that how English works, we have specially adapted the language to confuse any foreigners (anyone not from england) who are trying to learn it.Quote:
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, two geese; so, one moose, two meese? One index, two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
An End !!!!!Quote:
If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
This is just wrong Teachers are mainly crowd control nowadaysQuote:
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
Sigh, you drive on a Road.. A ROAD what in gods name is a Parkway!!Quote:
Why do we drive on a parkway, but park in a driveway.
If only someone would come up with a way that we could type in a phrase, or a word like "Parkway" into something, where it could help find out what the heck something was..., oh wait, ...Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedSomeAnswers
"A parkway is a broad, landscaped highway thoroughfare. The term is particularly used for a roadway in a park or connecting to a park from which trucks and ..."
Yes, there it is, most of the problems in those lists are cause by Americanglish.:p
We also drive on boulevards, just because it sounds sophisticated.
A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.
When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.
When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.
When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."
How do you get 4 elephants in a Mini?
...
...
2 in the front and 2 in the back.
How do you know an elephant has been in the refrigerator?
..
..
Footprints in the butter.
How do you know that four elephants have been in the refrigerator?
..
..
There's a Mini parked outside.
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything,
it's having someone who does on speed dial.
---
If at first you don't succeed ,
destroy all evidence you tried.
Attachment 118335
my favourite musicians joke:
what do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A-flat-minor
Quote:
hmmrumpf, i take issue with your statements and will now debunk them*
I think you will find that this is incorrect, Muffins were invented in England that makes them English muffins. The fact that you Americans created a bastardized version of the Crumpet and decided to call it an English Muffin is just typical ....
Who did you ask to “debunk” that? A friend of a friend that knew a cousin who had a friend...
Since I just grabbed it off the web, foolishly thinking this post was just in humor, I thought I'd check also.
The first check was:
An Englishman named Samuel Bath Thomas is credited with introducing the English version of muffins to America, and the name "English Muffin".
"Although tea muffins that were once popular in England resembled the American "English muffin," there is no single muffin in Britain by this specific name...Most of the store-bought varieties [of English muffin] derive from those made by the S. B. Thomas Company of New York, whose founder, Samuel Bath Thomas, emigrated from England in 1875 with his mother's recipe and began making muffins at his Ninth Avenue bakery in 1880. The name was first printed in 1925."
---Encyclopedia of American Food and Drink, John F. Mariani [Lebhar-Friedman:New York] 1999 (p. 123)*
The next was:
*The English muffin, first called a “toaster crumpet.” was invented in 1894 by a*British*immigrant*to New York, Samuel Bath Thomas. Immediately embraced as a more elegant alternative to toast, it was served at fine hotels and ultimately became a mainstay of American breakfast cuisine. This is Page 1 of a three-page article.
http://www.thenibble.com/reviews/mai...in-history.asp
The final one was:
The story is that an English baker, a certain Samuel B. Thomas, started making these flat chewy things in America over 100 years ago, from his mother's tea cake recipe. The English deny that they ever heard or saw anything like it until they were imported from America. Today you can find Thomas' English Muffins in most English supermarkets. Imported from America.
http://www.foodreference.com/html/ar...shmuffins.html
If you dig deeper you'll find the discussions going into the various types of breads, the way they were cooked, and possible origins. At that point I realized that even giving you the benefit of the doubt I call your “hmmrumpf” and raise you a “your not much fun at parties are you”?
As far of the rest of the debunking...I "de-de-don't care" :eek:
How do you make Michigan cookies? Put them in a big bowl and beat them for three hours...Quote:
What do you call an Ohio State football player with a championship ring?
A thief!
Attachment 118437Quote:
Aren't OSU and U of M big rivals?
So why do you "dispise" the Big 10? Other than the dumbass logo they came up with last year, of course.Quote:
lol I wouldn't know I dispise the big 10.
How many Michigan freshmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. At Michigan that's a sophomore-level class.
I wasnt being serious ..... nevermind!Quote:
Who did you ask to “debunk” that? A friend of a friend that knew a cousin who had a friend...
If you mean "that school up north" then yes. Big time rivals that go back generations :DQuote:
Aren't OSU and U of M big rivals?
the Michigan–Ohio State football rivalry, known as The Game by some followers, is an American college football rivalry game played annually by the Wolverines of the University of Michigan and Buckeyes of The Ohio State University. It has attracted particular national interest over the last four decades as most of the games have determined the Big Ten Conference title and the resulting Rose Bowl match ups, and many have influenced the outcome of the national college football championship. The game was ranked by ESPN in 2000 as the greatest North American sports rivalry.
The annual match up between the two Midwest state schools has been held at the end of the regular season since 1935 (with exceptions in 1942, 1986, and 1998). Since 1918, the game's site has alternated between Columbus, Ohio, and Ann Arbor, Michigan (Michigan hosts it in odd years and Ohio State in even years), and has been played in Ohio Stadium since 1922 and Michigan Stadium since 1927. Through 2010, Ohio State and Michigan have decided the Big Ten Conference championship between themselves on 22 different occasions, and have affected the determination of the conference title an additional 27 times.[10]
Following the Big Ten's addition of the University of Nebraska–Lincoln, effective beginning in the 2011 football season, the conference was split into two six-team divisions. Big Ten officials placed Ohio State and Michigan in separate divisions, but the Michigan–Ohio State rivalry continued to take place at the end of the regular season every year. In April 2013, the Big Ten announced they will realign its schools geographically when Maryland and Rutgers join, and the new alignment places the Wolverines and Buckeyes together in the East Division.
Total meetings 110
Series record Michigan leads, 58–45–6[n 1]
First meeting October 17, 1897
Michigan 34, Ohio State 0
Last meeting November 30, 2013
Ohio State 42, Michigan 41
Next meeting 2014
Largest win Michigan, 86–0 (1902)
Longest win streak Michigan, 9 (1901–1909)
Current win streak Ohio State, 2 (2012–present)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michiga...otball_rivalry
Sorry...my bad...I've been feeling paranoid lately.Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedSomeAnswers
I hate to admit it but there is a lot of truth to that. When the star quarter back went down a few weeks ago the common thought was "well we really don't play anyone for 8 weeks anyway" :pQuote:
They always get ranked super high and maybe play one good team throughout their season. Once they get to a bowl where they play an SEC, Pac 12, or even a good ACC(take Virginia Tech last week) team, they just can't get the W.
I like to point to the 2007 national championship, LSU vs Ohio St. LSU had two loses against two SEC teams(#17 Kentucky and unranked Arkansas). OSU's only loss was to unranked Illinois. LSU had to play 7 top 25 teams and 2 of those were top 10 teams. OSU only played 4 top 25 teams and none of those were in the top 10. LSU beat Ohio St. that year.
Another example is to just look at Ohio St.'s regular season schedule this year:
Navy
Virginia Tech
Kent St
Cincinnati
@Maryland
Rutgers
@Penn St
Illinois
@Michigan St
@Minnesota
Indiana
Michigan
None of those teams are ranked, yet they started the season ranked 5th in the nation. How?! If you take a look at their 2013 season, the year they almost went undefeated, the only three ranked teams they played were #26 Wisconsin(W), #16 Northwestern(W, they should've lost that game), and #10 Michigan State(L). So the one top 10 team they played, they lost.
It looks like I'm picking on Ohio St., but it's like that for all the Big 10 teams and it's been like that since I've been a little kid.
As far as I'm concerned you're still a kid. ;)Quote:
It looks like I'm picking on Ohio St., but it's like that for all the Big 10 teams and it's been like that since I've been a little kid.
What a lot of younger folks don't realize is for decades (up until the late-'90s or so) the Big 10 was the most formidable and fearsome conference in the college game, and its strength was the main reason Notre Dame remained independent despite the perfect fit it would have been in the conference. Northwestern as the only private school with the smallest enrollment and focus on academics was the only real doormat - except for a brief stretch in the mid-'90s, and Indiana has always been a basketball school.
Not sure what happened. The rise of the SEC has only been a relatively recent development. Back when the Rose Bowl was strictly a PAC 10/Big 10 game it quite often determined the national champion. Even Minnesota got there twice - spanking UCLA 21-3 in '62.
I believe the Big 10's past reputation has contributed to the current (over)rankings.
Two friends were playing golf together on a hole where they could see the highway and a funeral procession drove by. The one golfer put his hat to his chest chest and bowed his head as it went by while his friend stared at him with an incredulous look on his face, When it had passed by the one friend said to the other "I didn't realize you have such respect for the dead". His friend replied "I ought to, I was married to the b__ch for twenty years".
Jesus and Moses were playing golf together. Jesus teed off and the ball spliced right into some deep weeds. A rabbit ran out with the ball in its mouth towards the green. An eagle swooped down out of the sky, snatched up the rabbit with the ball still in its mouth and few over the hole. A bolt of lightening hit the eagle, it fell next to the hole, and the ball popped out of the rabbit's mouth rolling to the edge of the cup. A small earth tremor shook the ball right into the cup. Moses turned to Jesus and said "are you going to play golf or f__k around?"
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am
this morning. Can you believe that, 2:30am?
Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
---
I just saw a Nazi drive past me at 88mph.
Probably going back to the Fuhrer.
---
A man walks in to the doctors and says,
"Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter".
The doctor looks at him and says,
"Sorry, I don't follow you"
A dwarf is sitting in his car at a traffic light. All if a sudden he is rear ended. After regaining his senses, he gets out of his car and walks towards the guy driving the car that rear ended him. Angrily, the dwarf says "I'm not happy!" The other driver looks at him and then says "Okay. Which one are you?"
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
The P is silent.
In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens
like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space
wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty.
And as I looked at all this I thought...
I must put a roof on this lavatory.
---
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
Its 5:38 AM where I'm at right now...that took me a second to get :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by coolridev