Quote:
There once was a man from Exameter
Who had a prodigious diameter
But it wasn't the size
That brought forth the cries
'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.
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Quote:
There once was a man from Exameter
Who had a prodigious diameter
But it wasn't the size
That brought forth the cries
'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.
Quote:
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint Him.
Only for you Americans :)Quote:
Originally posted by barrk
You people are CRAZY!!!!! Sunshine, warmth, and blue skies....now that's living right!
For a real holiday, go to a British beach. Freezing cold, little kids wandering around kicking crabs...and some silly bugger selling ice-cream.
Which could be me if I don't get a decent job for next year.
Quote:
Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense?
Quote:
Originally posted by barrk
Quote:
Originally posted by Benjamin
yeah, gotta have wet too.....
I knew you weren't gay Dennis!
hehehe :)
Quote:
The boys in the Epperson family all acquired fine educations except for Edward.
They made him go to school, but most of the time he just ignored what was said
there. Yet there were rare moments when he could display a bit of curiosity.
One day Edward was sitting at home looking at a magazine, and he said
to his brilliant older brother, Hud, he said, "Hud, what does fox pass mean?"
Brother Hud gave the question some deep consideration and then said,
"You must mean _faux_pas_."
"The way it's spelled," said dumb Ed, "it's fox pass."
Hud took a look at the way it was spelled and then said, "It's a French
phrase -- it means a social blunder. Remember last Sunday when the Bishop came
for dinner? Mother took him out in the garden and they were looking over the
roses when the Bishop got stuck on the thumb by a thorn. It was bleeding quite
a bit so Mother brought him in the house. They went into the bathroom together
and stayed quite a while, and when they came out we all went to the dinner
table. Remember all that, Ed?"
"Yeh."
"Now," Hud continued, "you recall that I was just getting to pass
the gravy when Mother said, 'Bishop, does your ***** still throb?' The gravy
bowl flew out of my hands and hit the table, and the gravy splattered all
over everyone. And just at that point you, Brother Edward, you hollered,
'Sheee-itt!' You remember that?"
"Yeh."
"Well, when you hollered 'Sheee-itt!' that was a _faux_pas_."
The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. Her Majesty and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do.
"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with just onelittle wave of MY hand I can make every IRISH person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of
this day and rejoice."
The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
Quote:
But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a
brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and
lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the
phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where
it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's
greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company.
Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit:
the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then
immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is
the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.
This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of
electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few
customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact the
last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937;
the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is
why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases.
-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
Heard that one before...I still think it's funny.Quote:
Originally posted by barrk
So the Pope slapped her.
Although knowing our Queen she'd probably have kicked him in the nuts and laughed at him :)
hehehe
Q:
Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?
A:
A bad golfer goes *WHACK* "Damn"
a bad sky diver goes "Damn" *WHACK*
Quote:
There was something about her I liked, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
The Charade Game
The world's greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade. A TV
producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a
challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard
charade on television. The Charade player agrees.
Then comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player is
sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the curtain opens to
reveal seven nude young women. The second and fourth ladies are holding their
breasts, while the other five have their backs to him and are baring their
behinds.
The charade player barely glances over them and says, "The William Tell
Overture by Rossini."
The flabbergasted producer says in awe, "You've done it! That's the right
answer. You are indeed the greatest charade player!" and hands him a check
for a million bucks.
Walking out, a reporter stops the charade player and ask him how he did it.
"It's really simple," says the charade player. "One look at the positions of
the seven women, and I realized it as the William Tell Overture."
"Rump... titty... rump... titty... rump... rump... rump."
Hehehe. Nice.
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You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
Quote:
innunendo, n.:
Italian enema.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton you might as well make it dance.
Quote:
Originally posted by parksie
Quote:
innunendo, n.:
Italian enema.
V.funny parksie.....
Hey...I have a serious question for a minute. My customer just came in asking about .tga files...what kind of software can he use to edit them...he's got a helicopter simulator program and wants to edit the graphics..any suggestions?
Targa image files - Paint Shop Pro, Photoshop
I use paint shop pro 6
Thanks guys....I knew you were good for something besides "bad" humor!
Do you get MLK day off on Monday, Dennis?
I don't...although I'm not going into school until 11:45AM since I have a quadruple free :)
That targa stuff is a remnant from my misspent youth doing graphics programming.
yes I do... :D
do you?
YYYYEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the heck is a quadruple free parksie?
Quote:
Originally posted by parksie
That targa stuff is a remnant from my misspent youth doing graphics programming.
You still have much youth to spend wisely......or not:rolleyes:
thank god it's friday.... on sunday I am going to a computer expo :D
I plan to spend as much time doing nothing as possible....preferably naked.
9:10 - 9:45 = Period 1
9:50 - 10:25 = Period 2
BREAK for 20mins
10:45 - 11:20 = Period 3
11:25 - 12:00 = Period 4
BREAK for 5mins
12:05 - 12:40 = Period 5
12:45 - 13:20 = Period 6
LUNCH for 55mins
14:15 - 14:50 = Period 7
14:55 - 15:30 = Period 8
HOME!!!!
Okay...so that's my timetable. Basically, on monday, I only have lessons in periods 5 and 6. So I come in at 11:45, and leave at 13:20...it's against school rules...but f**k them!
Spoken like a true rebel!!!!!!!!
Fair play :)Quote:
Originally posted by barrk
I plan to spend as much time doing nothing as possible....preferably naked.
Thanks.Quote:
Originally posted by barrk
Spoken like a true rebel!!!!!!!!
You're welcome.....
How was Armageddon? Did Ben Affleck live this time?
No. My DVD was knackered and he got killed. The shuttle crash-landed into Liv Tyler and they both died.
j/k...
Although I did nearly start crying (yes, I'm a wuss) during that bit where she talks to her dad for the last time.
speaking of naked stuff... can anybody help me with my problem....?Quote:
Originally posted by barrk
I plan to spend as much time doing nothing as possible....preferably naked.
http://forums.vb-world.net/showthrea...threadid=48749
Katie - are you able to chat this evening after you've finished work - on IRC (td's server)?
If I didn't know what that thread was already...I'd be worried by now.Quote:
Originally posted by Benjamin
speaking of naked stuff... can anybody help me with my problem....?Quote:
Originally posted by barrk
I plan to spend as much time doing nothing as possible....preferably naked.
http://forums.vb-world.net/showthrea...threadid=48749
Although I think me and PJB have descended into violence.