Short jokes (oh, and some longer ones)

A Woman's Little Instruction Book
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is Turzel Gummidge..
9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he does already..
12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.
15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop" (unless they're used together).
17. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.
18. If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day and he will be back to his usual self.
19. All men are like chickens with their heads cut off when they see beautiful women pass by.
20. If your man appears happy, excited and keeps looking at you all of a sudden he is probably checking out the women behind you.
21. Figuring out men is like trying to make a jigsaw puzzle in a car, once you think you have it all put together, you find another piece but you don't know where it goes.

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, "well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever brain you'd like. The man's brain costs $100,000.00 and the woman's brain costs "30,000.00."
The patient could not help but ask, "Why such a large difference between the male and the female brain?"
The doctor replied, "The female brain is used."

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? Close the door.
When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it.
How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom? Three, if you slice them very thinly.
Why do men get married? So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
What are a woman's four favorite animals? A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect."
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.
Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower? A widower.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years? He wouldn't ask for directions.

What Men Mean.
"I'm going fishing." Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car." Really means....
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
"Woman driver." Really means....
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means....
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
"It's a guy thing." Really means....
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means....
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean....
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
"Good idea." Really means....
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
"Have you lost weight?" Really means....
"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
"My wife doesn't understand me." Really means....
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
"It would take too long to explain." Really means....
"I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means....
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
"I got a lot done." Really means....
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
"We're going to be late." Really means....
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Hey, I've read all the classics." Really means....
"I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
"You cook just like my mother used to." Really means....
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Really means....
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means....
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear." Really means....
"Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means....
"I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me." Really means....
"You want me to stay awake."
"It's a really good movie." Really means....
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work." Really means....
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?" Really means....
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"Go ask your mother." Really means....
"I am incapable of making a decision."
"You know how bad my memory is." Really means....
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means....
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Football is a man's game." Really means....
"Women are generally too smart to play it."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means....
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house." Really means....
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means....
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it." Really means....
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?" Really means....
"What did you catch me at?"
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means....
"You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
"She's one of those rabid feminists." Really means....
"She refused to make my coffee."
"But I hate to go shopping." Really means....
"Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."
"No, I left plenty of gas in the car." Really means....
"You may actually get it to start."
"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." Really means....
"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, evolutionary companions."
"I heard you." Really means...."I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else." Really means...."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific." Really means...."Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present." Really means...."It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
"I missed you." Really means...."I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means...."No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework." Really means...."I make the messes, she cleans them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious." Really means...."I like you more than my truck."
"I recycle." Really means...."We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful." Really means...."Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
"It sure snowed last night." Really means...."I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
"It's good beer." Really means...."It was on sale."
"I don't need to read the instructions." Really means...."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means...."If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means...."Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
"I broke up with her." Really means...."She dumped me."

70-year old George went for his annual physical. All of his
tests came back with normal results.

Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically.
How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace
with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God?"

George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor
eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the
middle of the night to go to the bathroom poof the light
goes on, when I'm done poof the light goes off."

"Wow!" commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife.

"Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's
great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his
relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the
night and poof the light goes on in the bathroom, and then
when he is through poof the light goes off?"

Ethel exclaimed, "Oh, my God! He's peeing in the refrigerator
again!"

dead horse.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to
generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead
horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

In modern education and government, however, a whole range of far more
advanced strategies are often employed, such as: -

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing Riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead
horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Reclassifying the dead horse as "living, impaired".
8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed.
10. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the
dead horse's performance.
11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would
improve the dead horse's performance.
12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is
less costly, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially
more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
13. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

How to get a promotion!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the f*** do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f***ing way!

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be bull s***ting me.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a s***.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a s***.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f***ing problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f***?
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: F*** it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f*** cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his @$$.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my @$$.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: F*** it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your @$$.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another f***ing meeting?

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a s***.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a f***ing *****.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b****.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*** are you doing?

For all you Rebel Petrol Blockade Supporters ... A Real issue to deal with: Forget Petrol, what about our bloody Beer!!!Fact 1: If you live in the UK, taxes add 66% to the price of your beer.In many places, Beer is now over 200 pence per pint. That's nearly £16 AGALLON.For every £10 you spend on a night out, you're giving the government nearlyan extra £7 out of your own pocket!!For every three pints you buy for yourself, you buy two pints for GordonBrown. Mr Brown - BUY YOUR OWN!!!Fact 2: When the beer price was hiked in America last year, people got together.NOBODY BOUGHT BEER FOR A DAY. The loss of revenue was crippling for some ofthe big players. They rallied round and forced the prices down again.Fact 3: Nearly £10 Billion is sucked out of drinkers' pockets each year in tax. Youbuy some of the planet's most expensive beer, but do you see that moneygoing back into the pubs? NO YOU DO NOT. A recent study pointed out thatmost of Britain's pubs are up to 15 years beyond their structuralrefurbishment date. Recently, many have been "done-up" on the cheap, intotacky Irish theme bars. Much of the tax on beer is spent on Schools, Roadsand Hospitals.Fact 4: The average household pays nearly £500 per year in alcohol tax. That'snearly £10 a week. Why should we, the ordinary citizens, be targeted by this"poll tax in bars"???Fact 5: Alcohol duty has little to do with health. A litre bottle of whisky hasalmost £8 of tax; this works out at OVER £35 a gallon!!! Meanwhilemethylated spirits is ludicrously cheap. Organic wine is taxed at EXACTLYTHE SAME RATE as non-organic - so where's the health discount, eh MrBrown????Fact 6: Hotel companies are suffering – so is the whole tourism trade. When a pubhas to fill its bars with beer taxed as such a ridiculous rate, its drinkingprice become so expensive that tourists take their business to theContinent - and with sky-high prices, who can blame them!!! That in turnmeans a LOSS OF INCOME for our country.Fact 7: Home Brew is not an option. Beer and wine kits require complex equipment,heating and HOURS of your time for a product which doesn't reach thestandard the BRITISH DRINKER expects. If the government wants people to moveto home brewing and away from public houses they'll have a fight on theirhands.The British Pub is OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE, and we, the people of Britain,just won't stand for this kind of Nanny State.S O A C T!There is no major organisation that represents the British drinker when itcomes to matters of alcohol duty. The government are bleeding drinkers dry.Why?BECAUSE THEY CAN.As long as public apathy continues, and we keep paying ludicrous prices forour beer, the government will keep laying on the tax.Remember: Beer is a BASIC HUMAN RIGHT!!!

I'd love to!

What annoys me!

1.People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their @$$ to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Too right!. What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?
Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film at the movies "Did you see that?"
No ******, I paid £5 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is "new and improved"! Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "Life is short." What?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here?!

Special attributes of the sexes.
WOMEN.

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, understanding that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.

Their heart breaks when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments, and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile, and for you to do the same to people with whom you come into contact.

MEN
Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing spiders.

helloooooo

Yep, there is a special reason, i've got a group of guys making my life hell. One of them is jealous of me and my boyfriend, so he and his friends just won't leave me alone. Well, they will if they want to live (they're kinda scared of Adam (my boyf) cos he's v. tough, and could pulverize them :)

I think Adam would make a great bear,and he doesn't drink anyway ;)

A man was in his front yard mowing the grass when his attractive blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened the mailbox, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little while later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'."

Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a publishing house last Thursday. According to the Associated Press, witnesses were shocked, stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied ...

Duncan,

I'm afraid if you post any more cringeworthy jokes like that I'm going to sellotape your fingers together....

(keep up the good work... ;) )

The Taliban have ordered all women to shave off their pubic hair.

Apparently this is just another step in their Anti-Bush campaign.

Two men were walking down the street. One guy says to the other guy, you have any money I'm thirsty? his partner says "no, all i have is a quarter". So he says let me have it I'll be right back. I got a plan. 5 minute later he come back with a stick of salami. I thought you said you were thirsty? Yeah, this is the plan. We go into the bar, drink all we want, and when the bartender ask us to pay, I'll whip the salami out my pants, you get on your knees and start sucking it. then the bartender will throw us out and we don"t have to pay! so they go to the bar, drink $40 of beer. bartender says that be $40. He whipped out the salami and his friend starts sucking it. the bartender says "get the hell out of my bar you perverts". So they got away without paying. seeing how sucessful they were, they hit about 4 more bars. so they're both drunk and decided to call a night and on the way home, one guy says "I'm hungry you mind if get a piece of that salami?" his partner says to him "There's none left, man I ate that thing after we left that second bar"

http://www.vbforums.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=636641

I'm saying nothing.

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Bill says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack. Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"

Bill says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow.'"

She said, "'No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"

This guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands it to him, and slides over a bowl of peanuts, as well. The man is having a sip of his beer when he hears a tiny voice say "nice tie." He quickly looks around but sees nothing. He takes another sip when he hears "nice hat too." He quickly puts down the beer, but there's no one around, so he asks the bartender, "I keep hearing a tiny voice saying nice things, what's going on?" The bartender nods understandingly and says, "Oh, its the peanuts, they're complimentary."

A man was driving down the road behind a farmer's truck. Suddenly, a little pig fell out of the back of the truck. The man thought the farmer would want his pig back, so he pulled his car over and tried to catch the pig. After a long chase, the man caught the pig and and put him in the back of his car. But by now the farmer's truck was way ahead of him, so he had to drive really fast to catch up. The man was pulled over by a cop, who said "Sir, you were going 90 M.P.H. in a 55 M.P.H. zone."

The man told the cop the story about the pig and the cop said, "Well, you aren't going to catch the farmer now, but I won't give you a ticket if you take the pig to the zoo."

The man said O.K. and left.

The next day, the same man came down the same highway and was pulled over by the same cop. The cop wasn't too happy. He walked up to the car and he saw the little pig in the back seat wearing a bathing suit on. The cop asked what was going on, and the man said, "Well, since we had so much fun at the zoo, today we're going to the beach!"

When they ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I've got a strawberry stuck up my butt." And the doctor says, "I've got some cream for that."

During a Papal audience, a businessman approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope shook his head and said no to the offer.
Two weeks later the businessman approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.

A month later the man offers 100 million, and this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announces his decision. "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account."

Brace yourself for some major stupidiosity...

A guy is driving down a road and sees a sign that says "Watch for Fallen Rocks." A few miles later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks some up.

When he gets to the next town, he takes the carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office. He walks up to the counter and puts the rocks on it. He looks at the guy behind the counter and says "Here's your fallen rocks... now where's my watch?"

Actual excepts from Church Newsletters...

Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.

Scouts are saving Aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say hell to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

A blonde opened a box of cheerios and said, "Look, donut seeds!!"

One day a blonde and a brunette were watching the 6:00 evening news. On the news was a boy at the top of a building getting ready to jump. The blonde says out loud "I don't think he will jump."
The brunette responds by saying "I'll bet you $5 he will jump."

"Well I bet you $50 he won't jump," the blonde retorts.

"You're on!!" says the brunette.

After some time the boy finally jumps. The blonde pays up. As the brunette is walking out the door she turns around and says "I can't take this money from you. I saw the whole thing on the 5:00 evening news."

The blonde says "So did I, but I didn't think he would do it again."

Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a light bulb?
A: He doesn't. He just declares darkness a standard.

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"

"No," he replied, "I've never done either."

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.

"No, I've never done any of those things either."

"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"

Cool, everyone stopped with the sexist jokes :)

So here's another one:

*looks at Rinoa's face*

Huh... maybe not :D

Hey, watch it Jotaf, the names Vicky. ;) :D

Oops sorry... looks like I'm missing a lot of threads, huh? :D

Yup :D he he he ;)

Ok... you can continue posting more jokes if you want now :D

How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!

A women's perfect breakfast:
She's sitting at the table.
Her son is on the front of the Wheaties box.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
and her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the
pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes...."

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a
fly thwacker.

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies" he responded.
"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males and 2 females" he replied.
Intrigued, she asked "How can you tell their sex?"
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone" he responded

*ducks*