...which, it has to be said, is quite an average feat in Cannons...Quote:
Originally posted by tumblingdown
I'll be the one looking tremendously cool, and pulling all the birds.
td.
8-?
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...which, it has to be said, is quite an average feat in Cannons...Quote:
Originally posted by tumblingdown
I'll be the one looking tremendously cool, and pulling all the birds.
td.
8-?
Not a great deal of practical help so far. :rolleyes:
At this rate I'll be the one who turns up, stands by himself for two minutes looking embarrassed, and then flees.
Seeing as your invisible, you can hang around and listen to the conversations for ages...
I don't know Cannons too well, I've only ever been there with Vbers! but it only has one bar so it shouldn't be too hard.
That IS where we are meeting, isn't it Gaff?
P.
as in he won't be at the pub, he'll be a trafalger sqaure, feeding the pigeons's :pQuote:
Originally posted by tumblingdown
I'll be the one looking tremendously cool, and pulling all the birds.
td.
I will be the one by the bar looking lost and hoping that someone recognises me!
No, no, no - that'll be me.
I assure you, that will be me!
OK Here we go - back to the top.
A little vignette of married life.
The scene: a terraced house in Outer London - an ordinary house. A family house.
Scene 1: Late Evening
[Enter Father, looking harrassed] "It's a shame, some of the boys on the forum are meeting up for a drink, but it's your birthday, so I can't make it"
[Mother, looking very tired] "Well, we can't really get a baby sitter at this stage... you could go if you want to..."
[Father looking hopeful now] "Oh, well I don't really want to miss your birthday... Maybe just a quick one"
[Mother and Father watch TV: Fade to black]
Scene 2: Next Morning
[Father happy now - looking forward to drink with boys] "Morning"
[Mother] "Morning, I've been thinking about my birthday"
[Father, Cautiously] "Oh? Yes..."
[Mother] "If you go in early, I can get the kids to bed and we could watch 'Billy Elliot' and you can bring back a Chinese"
[Father, deflatedly] "Oh yes, that would be lovely..."
[Exit Father left thoughtfully]
The END
And there you have it. I WILL make the next one though! <SIGH>
Cheers,
P.
:(
Actually, I'm sort of on your missus's side here. I'd be pretty pissed off if my wife decided to go out for a drink with the gals instead of ravishing me on my birthday. ;)
See you at the next one, then. :cool:
Quote:
Originally posted by InvisibleDuncan
:(
Actually, I'm sort of on your missus's side here...
Eh? Shut the **** up!
td.
I think that this will cheer some people up!
He said, She said:
10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
8) He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.
7) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king'
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen.'
6) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not."
5) He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
4) Priest said... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Who's gonna look?'
3) He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
2) He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the Hallway light on. and the number 1 "He said...She said"..
1) He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.
For all those who want descriptions, td will be the one punching himself in the knacks ;):D
A gallant effort Mr. Paul. You could try tunnelling out. I could make special pants for you, where you could store the soil and release it slowly as you walk across your livingnroom carpet.
Cheers
Roger
Invisible - you rat you - I only wanted a half <ahem>. Anyway my ravishing days are over - it's too dangerous - see the biog...
Cheers,
P.
Naw, your still ravishing paul...
...in a kind of girly way...
In which case there's no point in you staying in, is there? :confused:Quote:
Originally posted by paulw
Anyway my ravishing days are over
I was kind of assuming that your choices were between going for a drink with a bunch of people you don't know, or having an evening full of torrid celebratory birthday sex. If that's not it, then you should damn well come out for a couple o' drinks.
Yeah, stop being queer!
td.
Sorry to but in, but it appears to me that if you stay home you're going to have to watch Billy Elliott. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm led to believe this is a movie about a male balerina (Ballet guy).
Now, if she's gagging for a shagging after watching some ponce prance around the screen then you have a serious problem.
And if you're gagging for a shagging after watching some ponce prance around the screen then you have an even more serious problem.
So the way I see it, you ain't going to get lucky whether you stay in or you go out. So you may as well go out with the lads and at least enjoy youself.
... and of course I am completely unbiased and impartial on this matter :D
SD
as i said, stop being queer! :rolleyes:
td.
I'm not going to be around much tommorow as the client is in for the day. if there is any changes can someone email me personally at [email protected]
ta very much :)
err, is it 6:30 in Cannons?
td.
3 am in the royal infirmirary by the looks of things :p
Yeah, 630 Cannons. I'll be the one beating off the women with a big stick
I don't mind what you get up to in the comfort of your own home, but in a bar...?Quote:
Originally posted by Gaffer
beating off the women with a big stick
I can't help it, inv. All I got to do is show a bit of ass and I turn into a fannymagnet. :rolleyes:
Sorry - I thought you meant something else... :rolleyes:
Well, you're similar to me except with the opposite polarity; I tend to repel 'em. We might just cancel each other out.
adn I''ll be standing at the back with a bloody big net ;)
Can't wait.. things may be looking up.. I may have an interview in a Design house in Farnborough.. though it depends on the people because it is Print Media mainly and I have been in web media for the past year... hmmm oh well might get it.. or might get an interview in a company in Dorking for a few months.. or may be lucky with Gaffers mate :) So there are a few fires burning for me. :) Now just to be lucky! :)
He still hasn't got back yet Chris. I'll bell him tonight... :)
right, we all set for this evening. everyone remember to pack their beer gogle's. Gaf , can you book 6 bed's at the local hospital for about 11.30 ;)
lol
Here are some other funny things I just found...
Confucius Say...
1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.
2: Virginity like bubble. One *****, all gone.
3: Man who run in front of car get tired.
4: Man who run behind car get exhausted.
5: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
6: Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
7: Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
8: Man with one chop stick go hungry.
9: Man who scratches butt should not bite finger nails.
10: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
11: Baseball is wrong... man with four balls cannot walk.
12: Panties not best thing on earth... but next to it.
13: War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left.
14: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
15: Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
16: It take many nails to build crib... but one screw to fill it.
17: Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
18: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
19: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
20: Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
21: Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
22: Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
23: Difference between pick pocket and peeping tom is the pick pocket snatches watches.
24: Gay Indian is also a brave sucker.
25: Man and mouse are the same... both end up in *****.
26: Sex is like bridge game... don't need a partner if you have good hand.
Urg, the last thing I need this morning is a big smelly pint. :(
morning all....
ditto Gaffer mate.. :( I went out on a bender last night.. I feel a bit worse for wear!
Mmm, I'm tired. At least Iw asn't pissed last night - just...confused ;)
What time are you getting here chris?
BITE MY ARSE!
td.
oh, and good morning, btw.
td.
Dunno yet mate... I am going to have to do a few errands today but I will be on my way when they are finished -- I will probably be there for about 6:30 ish... Thats the right sort of time isn't it?
Morning TD
I was like that when I first discovered the [SIZE] tag :rolleyes: ;)Quote:
Originally posted by tumblingdown
BITE MY ARSE!
td.
Are we going for close encounters earlier tha 630 Mr Down?
Close Encounters?
I just heard on the Radio that the Talaban won't hand over Bin Laden, They said that they will ask him if he would like to leave.
I'm very, very tired. :(
Don't usually work on Fridays, do you Invisible... ;)
hmmm i'm not working Fridays either! :) lol
I usually pretend to. ;)
On Fridays I normally roll out of bed at 8:00. Having the alarm go off at 5:30 came as a bit of a shock.
I'm usually out of bed at 820
hehehehehe
Lazy sod. ;)
i can prolly get their aboot 6. That's if i can get this monkey of my shoulder. fooking monkey.
td.
lolol
Uh-oh...
Normally I'd jump at the chance, but today would be a bad day to be evacuated...Quote:
PLEASE NOTE:
We have been advised by the police that Security Alerts are currently underway in the Liverpool Street, Broadgate and Canary Wharf areas of London.
Further information will be circulated as and when it becomes available.
Quote:
We have now been advised that the Security Alerts referred to earlier today have been terminated without incident. Business as usual.
20 years in Belfast. I come to London for solitute and cash and what to I get? Poached radishes.
Well you ask for Radishes, you get Radishes
I never asked for radishes, turnip.
hang on , this should be in golden chair...
Radishes, Turnips... whats the difference???
The radish (Rap***** sativus) was often used in the Dark ages as early wheels for carts.
This, heh, oddly enough is down to the turnip ( Brassica rapa ), and it's extortion racket on trees. Turnips used their rich green foilage to tempt young virile saplings into a lair. A little like a siren in fact. Heh.
Gaffer I bow down to your useless knowledge! :p
A nursing home in the Midlands has apologised to neighbours for a karaoke where people in their 80s and 90s sang.
Around 40 residents of the home in Burntwood took turns to sing war-time songs.
A neighbour complained about the noise. Managers at Hammerwich Hall say the pensioners may have got carried away.
The nursing home is run by Bupa. Operations manager Patricia Fox says: "We will continue to run events, but obviously do not wish to upset neighbours."
Relatives of the pensioners say they're upset the home has apologised.
One relative told the Wolverhampton Express & Star: "It was just a group of 90-somethings warbling.
"They were singing Vera Lynn songs. It it had been 2am I could understand the neighbour's grievance."
The karaoke was held during the day in the grounds of the nursing home.
A new fleet of buses in Merseyside is too big to go through the Mersey Tunnel.
Arriva North West spent £7 million on 70 single decker DAF buses, but they are too wide for the toll booths at the Liverpool to Birkenhead tunnel.
The mistake was only discovered when a driver first tried to complete the route.
He had to take his passengers on an eight-mile detour because of the one-and-a-half inch discrepancy.
Arriva told the Daily Express the bus had only been used because another had broken down. "We've plenty of buses narrow enough to get through," a spokesman said.
Passenger Dave Griffith of Heswall said: "The driver was very apologetic but we were very late."
Joyriders took a tank on an eight-mile drive after stealing it from an outdoor activity centre.
The 17.5-ton Abbot tank was driven into parked cars, through fences and over ploughed fields as it was followed by a police helicopter.
After four-and-half-hours, the thieves finally abandoned the vehicle in a field after smashing into a tree.
Motorist Jack Kemish says: "I met this giant tank coming towards me with the police in hot pursuit. It was really quite frightening."
The tank was stolen from Juniper Leisure at their site near Romsey, Hampshire, reports the Daily Record.
Two men are helping police with their inquiries.
A Pennsylvanian woman was allowed to open a bank account with a single forged $1 million note.
The bank clerk in Harrisburg did not raise any questions when Dorothy Livingston opened the account.
The largest denomination of note still being printed in the US is $100.
Ms Livingston allegedly later withdrew some of the money and transferred it to her husband's account. She has been charged with 16 counts of theft by deception.
The 24-year-old opened the account at the First National Bank of Newport on July 15, police say.
She is being held on $25,000 (about £17,000) bail.
The largest note ever printed in the US was a $100,000 note.
It existed for about three weeks in the 1930s, when it was used to transfer funds between Federal Reserve banks. It was never publicly circulated.
Women in South Africa are upset at civic leaders for naming their municipality after the female sexual organ.
Ingquza, means vagina in Xhosa and anus in Zulu, which are both tribal languages. The council says the new name is derived from a local hill.
The name change has also split the council of which runs the municipality now taking in the towns of Lusikisiki and Flagstaff.
Some local people say the name is immoral and the local Commissioner for Gender Equality, Beatrice Ngcobo, says: "It is "unpalatable and disgusting".
But Mluleki Fihlane, who is leading the group that backs the new name, says: "People should not look into the name in that particular (anatomical) meaning. There is history behind the mountain and its name. We cannot waste time fighting over a name," he said.
The Mayor, Veli Ntsubane, says the council had adopted an alternative name. An adjudicator will now decide whether the municipality should keep that name or be called Ingquza.
Mayor Ntsubane told the Daily News: "We cannot have a council that could be seen as sexist or derogatory of women."