Went from finally going to meet last night, to "go our separate ways" today. I never even get a ballot in these things. :confused:
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Went from finally going to meet last night, to "go our separate ways" today. I never even get a ballot in these things. :confused:
Ouch
At least she's consistently inconsistent. The soap opera continues "As The Mood Swings" :pQuote:
Originally Posted by dilettante
Hope all the drama is making you feel young and not aging you faster.
I'm unclear on one point: Did you actually meet, and THEN she broke it off, or did you never get a chance to meet?
Never got a chance.
She'd been holding it off since January, then out of the blue wanted to meet. By the next morning she called everything off.
I now suspect it was part of a "punishment" ploy in her narcissistic game.
It's interesting. You seem well aware of the type of person your dealing with and yet you seem to work very hard at keeping an active relationship. Though that's just my observation based on the small amount of details you've posted.Quote:
Originally Posted by dilettante
I can see it. From my understanding there wasn't any real downside to the relationship. It hadn't gotten to the point where too much harm could be done, while still being a connection with the potential of significant upside. So long as it wasn't some kind of unfathomable catphishing scheme, it had significant potential upside with little current downside. The only reason I mention the catphishing is the odd sequence of breaking it off so soon after arranging for a meeting. Sure, it makes no sense, but my most significant (non-romantic, just work related) interaction with a scam artist was so bizarre that nobody could figure out what the scam was, or who the target was. We discussed it for days, and couldn't figure it out.
This is where we differ, I see no upside to being involved with these type of people. The behavior has been consistent for months. I wont go any farther with this as I don't want to say anything harmful or hurtful. I've never met Dil or this lady.Quote:
while still being a connection with the potential of significant upside.
But that's just me. If Dil feels he's benefitting from this relationship then I'm glad for him.
From the beginning, few people have been encouraging about this. By now most of those who were have long changed their opinions. Nearly everyone has joined in the chorus of "Run, RUN!"
So far zero-contact since she decided to break up again a few days back. I see her nosing around where we met, but I'm not taking the bait. I really can't see doing this sort of thing ever again. There are otherwise-nice people out there who are really broken in important ways. That may be why they try to find people online, cut one from the herd, and then suck him into their drama.
That's certainly a risk, especially as we get older. After all, when you are young, you don't totally know who you are or will become. By now...well, we are what we are. Everybody is broken in some way, so figuring out how these complex, and fairly rigid, pieces go together can be difficult.
My father was seeing a gal who he may have dated in high school. My sister and I have different understandings of this, and there's no point in asking by now, since it's over. His younger brother certainly dated her. They broke up, but not until he had put $80K down on a house. Fortunately, he could write that off without concern, but I still kind of felt that he should have broken up before putting in that money. He knew the relationship wasn't great, I knew the relationship wasn't great, and yet...all is still well in the end.
That's why I felt there was only upside, at this point. The relationship hadn't progressed to the "put eighty thousand on a house" stage, so it was fine that it remained unclear.
I'm more concerned about emotional damage. I don't really think about the money I've lost, but the emotional hell I've experienced by choosing to be involved with the wrong people crosses my mind quite frequently and it's not a pleasant feeling. Maybe I'm "thin skinned".Quote:
That's why I felt there was only upside, at this point. The relationship hadn't progressed to the "put eighty thousand on a house" stage, so it was fine that it remained unclear.
Yeah, that's certainly possible. I'd approach such a relationship with considerable skepticism until proven otherwise. No full-blown, emotional belly flops into the pool of relationships, for me. That's not great either, by the way. I've passed up some great opportunities. Passed up on others that could have been good...or not, I just don't know, but I certainly passed up on one that would have fit my sense of humor.
What irks me most is the circularity without progress. There is an almost paranoid level of secrecy about many small but important things.
There has already been another cycle since my post above of the 25th if you can believe that. A cycle that played out in the space of one evening and ended pretty darned finally in my mind.
Now I see that this was merely yet another completely toothless ploy. What felt like a very conclusive door-slam... has just now been followed by a completely unexpected attempt to meekly pry it back open. This leaves me with decisions. Ignore it, firmly reject it explicitly, or tentatively accept it with a skeptical eye for possible change.
Two people don't engage in this for 6 months unless there is quite a bit there. I'm certainly not in it for the drama. She's a lot of work and it's hard to see a future living like that every day. It's a lot to go through for somebody I haven't even met.
Yeah, that.Quote:
Originally Posted by dilettante
I'd leave the door open, but by now, I'd also know that there was no way I was going further.
Why wouldn't there be another change and another and another and another. You seem willing to accept them.Quote:
tentatively accept it with a skeptical eye for possible change
Okay not to be rude at all but what is going on
In the Post Race? Absolutely nothing.
This is a dumping ground for whatever.
If you have some extra whatever, you can dump it here.