A joke about programmers.

In a carefully controlled experiment, we exploded hydrogen filled balloons with candles. It shook the entire building. Very cool. We also messed around with glow in the dark stuff on our hands (make sure you wash very well. It tastes terrible). Then there was the "magic show" where we demonstrated these cool chemistry principles to parents and students. It was great to see their faces and do all those explosions and color changes.

Then there were all the labs, like fractional distillations, redox, etc... and the crazy tests, and finally the AP test (I got a 3, my lowest score on an AP test so far).

Ah, chemistry was great.

bob

How to calculate mole:
n=m/M
n=mole
m=mass
M=molemass, for hyrdogen 1.008g/mole, for coal 12.01g/mole...

I didn't like Chemistry much.

what's the difeerence between a mole and a molecule then?

cule, of course.

Molecule - Atoms attached to each other
mole - an amount of something (6.02 x 10^23) per mole

Has anyone ever seen actual molecules under a microscope?

yes.


people actually smooth surfaces by picking up molecules and moving them around to make a flat surface.

You need a electromicroscope

Here's a boggoling question: What "material" are atoms and molecules made of?

quarks

And quarks are 5 dimensional, no don't start this again. Let
's change subject, or we have dimensions all over chitchat

I thought quarks were made of strings.

it's all way over my head.

But if atoms are made of quarks, than what are quarks made of? (sorry, kedaman, I'm just curious)

Well technicly everythings made of energy.

But matter isn't Energy so how can we all be made of energy?

Here's an example. Feel your mouse, or your carpet or something. That is a type of a material. What would an atom or electon or proton or neutron feel like?

Sam's right Meg, matter is energy. We have Einsteins formula E=mc^2 from which you can calculate how much energy ie 1g water consists of. E=10^-3*(3*10^8m/s)^2=3*10^12W= that's three Terawatt, well how long can you travel with a car that goes on 10l pure water?

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E=10^-3*(3*10^8m/s)^2=3*10^12W= that's three

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Whoa! That's a little confusing. Can you break it down a bit?

i think it's all too hard to understand any way, i'm only in year 8 :(

Dont worry, you'll get to it.
And as for what molecules (or atoms, or protons, or quarks) feel like when you touch them that's no sense in asking.
When we feel, it's because our nerves react to touch, and quarks are to small to make the nerves react (that is when they are alone. Together they build up things which we can touch).
For instance, if you mix 7.5*10^28 u-quarks, 6.5*10^28
d-quarks and 2.^5*10^28 electrons (and you mix them the right way) you'll get a girl to touch. And try to tell you can't feel her!

But it's always hard to get a grip of things we can't really feel, touch or taste, like quarks.
Don't let them get to you!
Pentax

What are u-quarks and d-quarks?

It's different types of quarks.
As far as we know now there are six different quarks, but only two of them (u and d) build up matter.
U and d stands for "up" and "down", and is made to different them from each other.
A u-quark is charged with +2/3 and a d-quark with -1/3.
A Proton is made up of two u-quarks and one d-quark, which gives it the charge 2* 2/3 - 1/3 = 1
A neutron is made up of two d:s and one u, which gives it the charge 2/3 - 2* 1/3 = 0

Pentax

A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game.
The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He
explains,"I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the
Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!" Now, that got
the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't
say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.

Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer,"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled
look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely
takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep.

The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer,
turns away and returns to sleep.

Here's another one!
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building
improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got
air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having
an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

An engineer says that equations approximate the reality.
A physics says that reality approximates equations.
A mathematican just can't see the connection.
Pentax

Q: What you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?









A: Not enough sand.

That was a realy funny joke! :D

Baja.. this makes 2 old threads! lol

Yeah, but its a good joke :D

These jokes are bad! I feel offended!

There were four programmers on a cruise ship. An American, a Russian, a Cuban, and an Indian.

The Russian takes out a bottle of fine Vodka, takes one swig and throws it overboard.

The American programmer says, "Hey, do you know how much that costs?" The Russian replies, "In Russia it costs nothing."

Next, the Cuban pulls out a fine cigar. Takes one puff, and throws it overboard.

The American programmer says, "Hey, do you know how much that costs?" The Cuban replies, "In Cuba it costs nothing."

With that, the American programmer throws the Indian overboard....

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Originally Posted by Pentax

An engineer says that equations approximate the reality.
A physics says that reality approximates equations.
A mathematican just can't see the connection.
Pentax

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A Liberal Arts major says "Would you like fries with that?"

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Originally Posted by umilmi81

A Liberal Arts major says "Would you like fries with that?"

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Seems we've all been reading the same site :)

gee guys! your teacher/prof sure is stupid... although that makes a boring class fun. I sure wish our chem teacher is as idiotic as that. *my! im bad* :blush: :wave: and also, i think your prof is just a dare devil.. :p

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Originally Posted by crescent_fantasies

gee guys! your teacher/prof sure is stupid... although that makes a boring class fun. I sure wish our chem teacher is as idiotic as that. *my! im bad* :blush: :wave: and also, i think your prof is just a dare devil.. :p

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Our chemistry teacher trained us to fight against our government!
:IKnowHowToMakeBombsFromNothingElseThanWaterAndBatteries:

:IKnowHowToMakeVodkaFromNothingElseThanWaterSugerAndYeast:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by grilkip

:IKnowHowToMakeVodkaFromNothingElseThanWaterSugerAndYeast:

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I got told off for making gunpowder in science class once, firing books into the air is "not allowed" apparently.

Q. How many ASM programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. EAX

You are l33t man!

Discussion between two computer professionals about a software...

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).

Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.

Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0:

1. A "Don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects).

I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.

Another thing that sucks--in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.

It also gives a 'Bug warning' as..
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

Oh, they have recently released a patch for that. Its called Gun 1.0. You use it on Wife 1.0 ONLY. Then Mistress 1.1 will run flawlessly, allowing you to use your system normally again.