I also looked into a carreer as a bread maker but I didn't want the reputation.....
everyone would call me a loafer:eek:
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I also looked into a carreer as a bread maker but I didn't want the reputation.....
everyone would call me a loafer:eek:
You don't always have to stand out and be the topic................just join in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Quote:
Originally posted by ghost ryder
*still drowning in the crowd
Tell a joke! Just make sure it's a bad one.......groaners only!!!
You are so stupid that you took a ruler with you to bed to see how long you slept
I went to the market to get three steaks for my mother-in-law
but they told me I'd have to keep her.
Three guys were at the Pearly Gates when Peter answered. He said there was one space open for someone. He asked them how they died.
"I came home one day and saw my wife in bed, naked. I looked all over the house and decided to check the balcony. I saw some fingers so I took a hammer and hit his fingers but a bush broke his fall so I took my fridge and threw it on him. But I felt so bad for killing a man that I killed myself."
"I was painting on the 37th floor, when I slipped and fell. I was holding on to a balcony, when some guy hit me on the fingers with a hammer so I fell, and then dropped a fridge on me."
"I was hiding innnocently in the fridge."
My mother-in-law knitted my son three socks for Christmas.............
she heard he had grown a foot since she saw him last.
Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?
A: One ***** and they're done
A haggard old lady was riding in a posh hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on, smelling divine. She says arrogantly to the old lady, ''Georgio, $100 an ounce''.
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on, smelling lovely as well. She turns to the two other women and says, ''Chanel, $150 an ounce.''
The old lady's floor is approaching and as the doors open, she looks at the two young ladies, bends over, farts and says, ''Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.
What does a fish smoke?
Sea weed
Why doesn't a woman need a car?
Because you don't need a car to get from the bedroom to the kitchen.
What it, King of Cool.................your crown is slipping!:eek: :pQuote:
Originally posted by chrisjk
Why doesn't a woman need a car?
Because you don't need a car to get from the bedroom to the kitchen.
katie- not tryin 2 be the stand out, im just depressed, plus i got ignored somewhere earlier (i think)
and here we go....
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin
of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister
asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every
hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
im going now, ill be back soon
Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky in his new Mercedes. He stopped at a small gas station and asked the mechanic if he could get his oil changed.
"Why sure," the mechanic said, not seeming to recognize the golf star.
About thirty minutes later the oil change is complete. As Tiger started to back the car out, the mechanic noticed some buttons on the dashboard and asked Tiger what they were for.
Tiger looked down at the tees on his dash and says, "Those are what I put my balls on."
The old man replied, "Boy oh Boy, those Germans think of everything, don't they!"
Don't blame me! it's the random joke generators fault! ;)Quote:
What it, King of Cool.................your crown is slipping
Q: Why did the blonde run with the bike?
A: It was going too fast for her to get on.
What do you call a hooker in Alaska?
A frostitute
I'm going to go get myself some food before I become grouchy............we wouldn't want that now would we?????
Be back soon!
ohh no ;)
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!
Three men were fishing in a boat, all of a sudden,
one of the guys thought he got a bite and realed
in a Genie's Lamp. He rubbed off the seaweed and
a Genie popped out. "Since there are 3 of you, I
will give you each one wish!" said the Genie. The
1st guy says "I want to be 100 times smarter than
I am right now" Poof! and he started rattling off
all these math problems that he never knew before.
The 2nd guy says, "Well, I want to be 100 times
smarter than him (#1)" Poof! he starts rattling
off all these Calculas problems that the other
guy didn't know. The 3rd guy says "Well, I wanna
be 1000 times smarter than both of them put
togather!" Poof! and the Genie turned him into a
Woman!!!!!!
:rolleyes:
A teacher, a petty thief and a lawyer all died and
went to the Pearly Gates.
Because of crowding, St. Peter told them they had
to pass a test before ascending any further.
Adressing The teacher, he asked, "What was the
name of the famous ship that hit an iceburg and
sank?"
"The Titanic," she answered and St. Peter motioned
her into heaven.
The thief was next. "How many people died on that
ship?" St. Peter asked.
"Gee, that's tough," the man replied. "But luckily
I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500."
St. Peter let him through.
Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer.
"Name them."
:D:D
A man walks into a bar one afternoon and says to
the manager, "I see your sign 'Piano player
needed,' and I want you to know I'm your man. I
packed them in down there at the Cadillac Club
until the IRS shut the place down. Not only that,
I write ALL my own material so you won't ever
have to worry about paying royalties to ASCAP or
BMI."
"You see the piano." said the manager, "Play me a
tune." The piano player rocked out with a
boogie-woogie that had the manager stomping his
feet. "That was great," he said, "What do you
call it?"
"I call it 'Let me **** you in the Ass Until your
Hemorrhoids Bleed!'" said the pianist.
"Well," said the manager, "uh....that certainly
is an unusual name for a song. Let's hear another
one."
The piano player played a haunting melody that
brought tears to the manager's eyes it was so
beautiful. "What do you call that tune?" said
the manager.
"I call it 'Open your Mouth Wide and Swallow it
ALL When I Come.'" said the pianist. The manager
replied, "Your playing is great, and I'd like to
hire you, but would you be terribly offended if
I asked you not to announce the titles to your
compositions?"
"Not at all," replied the pianist, "You pay,
I'll play."
That evening, the crowd went wild when the piano
player did his first set. When they finally let
him take a break, he rushed to the john for a
long overdue piss. On the way out, one of the
patrons button-holed him and said, "Wow! you
play great!! But tell me, do you know your fly's
open and your ***** is hanging out?"
"Know it? HELL...I wrote it!"