Went from finally going to meet last night, to "go our separate ways" today. I never even get a ballot in these things. :confused:
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Went from finally going to meet last night, to "go our separate ways" today. I never even get a ballot in these things. :confused:
Ouch
At least she's consistently inconsistent. The soap opera continues "As The Mood Swings" :pQuote:
Originally Posted by dilettante
Hope all the drama is making you feel young and not aging you faster.
I'm unclear on one point: Did you actually meet, and THEN she broke it off, or did you never get a chance to meet?
Never got a chance.
She'd been holding it off since January, then out of the blue wanted to meet. By the next morning she called everything off.
I now suspect it was part of a "punishment" ploy in her narcissistic game.
It's interesting. You seem well aware of the type of person your dealing with and yet you seem to work very hard at keeping an active relationship. Though that's just my observation based on the small amount of details you've posted.Quote:
Originally Posted by dilettante
I can see it. From my understanding there wasn't any real downside to the relationship. It hadn't gotten to the point where too much harm could be done, while still being a connection with the potential of significant upside. So long as it wasn't some kind of unfathomable catphishing scheme, it had significant potential upside with little current downside. The only reason I mention the catphishing is the odd sequence of breaking it off so soon after arranging for a meeting. Sure, it makes no sense, but my most significant (non-romantic, just work related) interaction with a scam artist was so bizarre that nobody could figure out what the scam was, or who the target was. We discussed it for days, and couldn't figure it out.
This is where we differ, I see no upside to being involved with these type of people. The behavior has been consistent for months. I wont go any farther with this as I don't want to say anything harmful or hurtful. I've never met Dil or this lady.Quote:
while still being a connection with the potential of significant upside.
But that's just me. If Dil feels he's benefitting from this relationship then I'm glad for him.
From the beginning, few people have been encouraging about this. By now most of those who were have long changed their opinions. Nearly everyone has joined in the chorus of "Run, RUN!"
So far zero-contact since she decided to break up again a few days back. I see her nosing around where we met, but I'm not taking the bait. I really can't see doing this sort of thing ever again. There are otherwise-nice people out there who are really broken in important ways. That may be why they try to find people online, cut one from the herd, and then suck him into their drama.
That's certainly a risk, especially as we get older. After all, when you are young, you don't totally know who you are or will become. By now...well, we are what we are. Everybody is broken in some way, so figuring out how these complex, and fairly rigid, pieces go together can be difficult.
My father was seeing a gal who he may have dated in high school. My sister and I have different understandings of this, and there's no point in asking by now, since it's over. His younger brother certainly dated her. They broke up, but not until he had put $80K down on a house. Fortunately, he could write that off without concern, but I still kind of felt that he should have broken up before putting in that money. He knew the relationship wasn't great, I knew the relationship wasn't great, and yet...all is still well in the end.
That's why I felt there was only upside, at this point. The relationship hadn't progressed to the "put eighty thousand on a house" stage, so it was fine that it remained unclear.
I'm more concerned about emotional damage. I don't really think about the money I've lost, but the emotional hell I've experienced by choosing to be involved with the wrong people crosses my mind quite frequently and it's not a pleasant feeling. Maybe I'm "thin skinned".Quote:
That's why I felt there was only upside, at this point. The relationship hadn't progressed to the "put eighty thousand on a house" stage, so it was fine that it remained unclear.
Yeah, that's certainly possible. I'd approach such a relationship with considerable skepticism until proven otherwise. No full-blown, emotional belly flops into the pool of relationships, for me. That's not great either, by the way. I've passed up some great opportunities. Passed up on others that could have been good...or not, I just don't know, but I certainly passed up on one that would have fit my sense of humor.
What irks me most is the circularity without progress. There is an almost paranoid level of secrecy about many small but important things.
There has already been another cycle since my post above of the 25th if you can believe that. A cycle that played out in the space of one evening and ended pretty darned finally in my mind.
Now I see that this was merely yet another completely toothless ploy. What felt like a very conclusive door-slam... has just now been followed by a completely unexpected attempt to meekly pry it back open. This leaves me with decisions. Ignore it, firmly reject it explicitly, or tentatively accept it with a skeptical eye for possible change.
Two people don't engage in this for 6 months unless there is quite a bit there. I'm certainly not in it for the drama. She's a lot of work and it's hard to see a future living like that every day. It's a lot to go through for somebody I haven't even met.
Yeah, that.Quote:
Originally Posted by dilettante
I'd leave the door open, but by now, I'd also know that there was no way I was going further.
Why wouldn't there be another change and another and another and another. You seem willing to accept them.Quote:
tentatively accept it with a skeptical eye for possible change
Okay not to be rude at all but what is going on
In the Post Race? Absolutely nothing.
This is a dumping ground for whatever.
If you have some extra whatever, you can dump it here.
Can I get a bump of that nothing man?
Not nothing, whatever.
Ohhh, that good stuff.
I don't know about you guys but my posts bring enlightenment and joy into the lives of the lucky people who read them. Your welcome!!!
https://youtu.be/nsBByTiKfyY?si=rNFDslBOZ96lewAfQuote:
Originally Posted by wes4dbt
After several "no contact" days, got whipsawed back and forth in PM posts on another forum site. "You're great, you suck, I hate you, call me, it's over we shouldn't speak again" and on and on. Supposedly had thrown away my phone numbers.
11:30 PM I get a call. Very tentative, yet conciliatory. Discussed meeting, details down to where I'd sleep and whether her mom being there is a problem (why should it be?), etc.
"Can't eat, can't sleep five days now" yadda, yadda. "I was sure you had moved on, I noticed a coincidence between you and [some random female member] being online and then leaving at the same times." Stalker much? Nuts?
I'd said "I don't want the risk of being pushed out of a moving car into traffic."
She came back "Why would you say something like that?" And the good part: "You could just get an Uber." :lol:
Does any part of this sound normal? If so, which?
Seems normal behavior for her.Quote:
Does any part of this sound normal? If so, which?
Goodness gracious. Helter skelter in this thread.
Dil, it's good to see you're still posting. I've missed you. :)
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It's certainly a ***** getting old. I've pretty much completely retired these days (only getting the occasional call for support). Figuring out what I'm going to do for the day, and then finding the motivation to actually do it, is interesting. Clean out the garage? Clean out the attic? Clean out the shed? Go boating? Go camping/hiking? Work on expanding my solar panel project? Change the oil on my truck? Dabble with figuring out windows visual styles? Dabble with making some DxD3d wrapper functions?
Decisions decisions. :lol:
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It's interesting that the thoughts of "what am I going to be when I grow up have pretty much dissipated", pretty much turning into thoughts of "what am I going to do until I die" thoughts. :lol:
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But Dil, it's good to see you're still alive and kicking.
Retirement is a bit more than a year out, for me. I leave to go on a roughly 500 mile hike in a few weeks. I'm pretty nervous about this one. My back has been getting sore at kind of random times. I feel fine most of the time, then I get up from sitting and have to stretch it out to get going. Will I be able to cover 20 miles in a day? Will I wear out half way through? Will ibuprofen help? So many questions.
Dil, I was trying to be encouraging about that relationship, but I'm changing my mind. She sounds nuts. Those games don't sound like they will ever end. I would be very hesitant about meeting at this point.
Alive? Yes. Kicking? Maybe getting kicked around. I've somehow ended up with a "hobby" (or would that be a "project?") of a sort I hadn't anticipated so late in life. On good days I can feel as mystified as Doc Brown in the Old West.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elroy
Very good to see that you still roam the planet yourself.
Quite retired myself now, taking only a rare contract job, not for money, but just to stay in the game a little. Very mundane, and more often updating training docs for companies, and even then mostly Java training. Though most of my time does get spent puttering and sputtering around the old ranch.
Truth is, I've mostly bailed on the VB programming forums. As the Usenet dregs and aging hackers rolled in, the character of things seemed to radically change.
So Elroy... it is comforting to see you around again. That wasn't meant to be as awkward as it might sound. ;)
I hear that, believe me I do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaggy Hiker
Just had a talk though, and for the first time she seems to be willing to reflect on her behavior and admit to those extreme reactions and bizarre comments. The goal is to nip "problems" in the bud before they descend to overreactions. Especially things that stem from wild jealousy over trivial and even entirely imagined actions.
Yes, I'm leery of meeting now that the matter is finally back on the table. Kathy Bates? :p
I don't think people change, but going completely "no contact" for several days seems to have made some difference.
I have never thought of myself as a "hot commodity" but something is going on. She's right that the women are coming out of the woodwork lately. It must have something to do with their age. Perhaps there are a lot of windowed and divorced women feeling lonely and too close to the end to waste time, facing more limited options as they age?
Well, I've been married for 30+ years. Not going to talk about that in a public forum, but I will talk about my changing life's philosophy as I've gotten older.
As stated above, the thoughts of "what I'm going to be when I grow up" are pretty much gone. Along with it, a certain sense of hope has faded, as I do feel that hope has to do with our vision of the future. I suppose most of my hope is tied to my grown children in one way or another these days.
For me, my philosophy is much more about a day-to-day thing. I wake up thinking, "what can I do to have a good day today?" And I also take responsibility for that happening.
Now that the weather is nice, I've been hiking a couple of times a week, taking my dogs, and having a wonderful outing, often combined with a nice meal on some restaurant patio where my dogs are allowed.
Today, I've already changed the oil, checked all the other fluids, and taken my air-compressor and blown out the engine compartment of my little Ford Ranger side-step truck. One of my sons is coming up next week, and we're going to see if we can finish up the phase-two of my solar farm. The truck "tune-up" was actually in preparation for that, as I'll be hauling many 40lb bags of ReadyMix home from Lowes to get the job done.
I do also enjoy keeping my mind active. That binary tree project I recently posted in the CodeBank was quite enjoyable, and done entirely just for my own edification, and for sharing, and it had some social aspects as well.
I too am a bit frustrated with the "quality" of posts in the forums, asking how to move a circle, how to make a clock, or how to create a new folder on the first of every month. It just sometimes seems that there's as much beseeching and pleading for others to do their work, as there is desire to learn how to do it. I suppose you call this "cargo-culting". But, whatever it's called, it's very distasteful.
However, I often wonder if this point-of-view is as much about me changing (and becoming more jaded as I grow old) as it is about the true changing complexion of these forums.
I do still enjoy the programming aspect of these forums, but I do pick-and-choose what I participate in.
Anyway, just some thoughts and ramblings.
If you feel there are other possible relationships available, I'm at a lose as to figure out why you wont let go of this toxic relationship. I could understand trying so hard to make it work if you were thinking "this is my only chance" but that doesn't seem to be the case. The only other thing I could think of is you don't want to let go because you've invested so much time and effort. Accepting you've wasted your time and effort can be hard.Quote:
I have never thought of myself as a "hot commodity" but something is going on. She's right that the women are coming out of the woodwork lately. It must have something to do with their age. Perhaps there are a lot of windowed and divorced women feeling lonely and too close to the end to waste time, facing more limited options as they age?
Er, I've peeked behind door number 2 and door number 3. Married/paired folks here should appreciate that a great many of the "good ones" are taken.Quote:
Originally Posted by wes4dbt
Well, almost made it through May without a mid 90's day. Suppose to reach 96 today. Was nice while it lasted.
I need a bit more snow to melt in the mountains of Oregon.
Dil, maybe I missed it or forgot, but have you two met in person yet?Quote:
Originally Posted by dilettante
Have you arranged a full medical check-up for the hike and discussed your plans with a doctor?Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaggy Hiker
I could never do a 500 mile hike with my feet. I'm hoping to bike more this year than I've done in the past, but right now I'm waiting on some results from my doctor to see if it's possible.
My feet are not my concern. My back is a bigger issue. It's wearing out. No damage that I'm aware of, so nothing that could be 'fixed'. I'll just have to see how it goes. Twenty mile days may be a thing of the past for me...at least on foot. I just need two good years, then I can switch to shorter hikes and lots of biking. I have a 3600 mile bike ride laid out. Plenty of things can get in the way of that, as it's a bit far off in the future...but it would be pretty cool.
Well, I don't know about Or but we got ourselves a heat wave here in the Ca central valley. 103 today and tomorrow. You might get that snow melt you wanted.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaggy Hiker
Yeah, it's happening. I expect it will be all gone in a couple weeks.
Snow is gone, and tomorrow, I will be as well. Off to walk for a few hundred miles, hopefully.
Don't let the post race be lost in the meantime.
Missing you already........
Baby come back!
Any kind of fool could see.
Don't beg!!!
He left us, we give and give and he just walks out. ;)
We need to adjust the spring on that screen door.
My storm door (similar to a screen door) lost it's hydraulic openers in the hurricane. It's been a pain in the you-know-what. One of those things you can certainly take for granted, that's for sure.
Having a hard time picturing this door. Screen doors are pretty light. Why would it have a hydraulic opener?Quote:
Originally Posted by dday9
It's a storm door, not a screen door. Here's a pretty good explanation between the two: https://www.windowworldathens.com/ar...s-screen-doors
Yeah, I basically have a storm door but we never refer to them that way. The lower half of mine has glass and a screen so you can let air in if you want.
But it's very light, no hydraulic opener, seems like over kill. Unless your talking about the hydraulic closer, lots of them have that.
Edit: I probably shouldn't have said "we" never refer to them as storm door, I really don't know what other people call them. They don't seem like much protection from a storm. lol
You're right. I meant closer, not opener.
But I think it has to do with how the glass shatters if its compromised. Although, I could be wrong. But it survived Hurricane Ida and the eye of the storm passed directly over my town (about 40 miles north from where it made landfall) so all I know is that they work!
Yeah, those are more "dampeners" to help close while keeping doors from slamming closed... or sailing and slamming opened if a gust catches them.
In more rustic times there were sometimes two springs or a single multi-tensioned spring rigged to accomplish the same job... instead of just a simple closing spring. The pneumatic (not hydraulic) "spring" serves the same purpose.
Yeah, I remember those. When DD said hydraulic door opener I was thinking WOW that's cool, just press a button and the door opens, that's fancy. lol
Wow, I just came on the forum and I was the only one listed under "Current Active Users".
It's scary here all by myself!!!
You are amongst friends :wave:
I'm thinking about creating a CSS file that only adds media queries for mobile screens that redesigns VBForums and handing it to Steve. The forum is just short of unusable on phones.
Yeah, using this site on a phone is terrible. A well designed mobile app would probably significantly increase the usage.
I've thought about that, but this website doesn't use traditional API's to build the pages. Instead, it is built using PHP basically using server-side rendering to display the page as-is which is probably why we're getting all these timeouts too.
A better design would be to setup API's to fetch the necessary data and then use client-side operations (like fetch) to build the page.
So the only thing I can think of is to just provide the owners with CSS that makes it look responsive.